To the Class of 2022: Age boldly, enjoy your journey

Published in RINewsToday on May 16, 2022

According to Research.com, this year commencement speakers at colleges and universities in Rhode Island will impart their “pearls of wisdom“ to 19,782 graduating college seniors and their families. The usual commencement speech, traditionally about 10 minutes in length, offers simple tips and observations that, if taken, just might offer the young graduates a more rewarding personal and professional life ahead. Social media platforms and websites will quickly disseminate this sage advice given by well-known lawmakers, judges, television personalities and CEOs, to millions across the globe.

Globe columnist Dan McGowan gives his readers in the Rhode Map, the paper’s free newsletter about Rhode Island, a who’s who list of well-known commencement speakers that will gather at Rhode Island’s 12 Colleges and Universities to give the Class of 2022 advice on making their new journey in the world amidst the continuing COVID-19 pandemic causing sweeping societal changes in the workplace, health care, and social activity.

McGowan’s detailed listing of “marquee names” delivering commencement speeches at Rhode Island’s colleagues and universities are:

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi at Brown University; Emmy Award-winning actor and director Henry Winkler at New England Institute of Technology; Human Resource Guru William J. Conaty at Bryant College; Rhode Island Governor Dan McKee at CCRI; Big East Commissioner Val Ackerman at Providence College; Entrepreneur and Author Bruce Poon Tip, Founder of G Adventures; Miriam Hospital President Maria Ducharme at Rhode Island College, Deep Sea Explorer Robert Ballard noted for his work in undersea archeology at URI; Graphic designer, educator and Author Cheryl D. Miller at RISD; Navyn Salem, who founded the nonprofit Edesia, Inc. whose mission is to treat and prevent global malnutrition at Salve Regina; and Dr. Anthony Fauci, Chief Medical adviser to the president at Roger Williams University.

This year’s commencement speakers are very well-deserving of their honor to address Rhode Island’s graduating college seniors. But if I had an opportunity to speak before the graduating class of 2022, here are my thoughts and tips I would give, centered on the importance of aging gracefully and boldly over your accumulating years, and they will accumulate faster than anyone could imagine.

Aging can be viewed as a life-long, unpredictable journey. A slang phrase in Wikipedia sums up “a simple existential observation that life is full of unpredictable events. Over the years, you might have heard the phrase, “Shit Happens.” Many people choose to hold on to their fading youth, not wanting to look in the mirror to see wrinkles, sagging stomachs, and even gray hair. They hold fiercely to their memories of the 1963 Pepsi Generation commercial that celebrated youth and active people.

It’s so easy to say, accept and embrace your aging.

You will be tempted to chase after prestige, power, the perfect relationship, or a high paying job. I say being healthy is your most important possession you can have in your lifetime. Cherish it. Work towards it. URI Gerontologist Phil Clark once told me, “Use it or lose it. Stay as physically active as you can.” “If you rest, you rust,” he says, noting that physical exercise elevates our mood and benefits our cardiovascular system, too. This conversation took place over 25 years ago, and I still remember this advice.

Before the COVID-19 pandemic, a North Attleboro couple, Mark and Nancy Shorrock began dining daily, seven days a week, if their schedules permitted, at Spumoni’s Restaurant in Pawtucket. Over the years, they developed personal relationships with around 30 couples who frequented the informal restaurant and bar. While not a support system, that informal group who knew each other innately, benefited the Shorrocks, and I would think all of the people who kept coming back as regularly as they did.

The importance of being around others is documented in a 2017 national report. The Global Council on Brain Health (GCBH) report, released by AARP, cites strong scientific evidence that behavior changes and lifestyle habits can positively impact one’s brain health. It’s not uncommon for social networks to shrink as we age. “Research tells us that larger social networks may positively impact your health, well-being, even your cognitive functioning,” said Sarah Lock, AARP Senior vice president for Policy and GCBH Executive Director.

So, as the decades fly by, work to maintain your social network of family and friends to maintain good cognitive functioning. And while you may build your on-line networks, do not overlook the greater importance of the in-person kind, those you break bread with, share what your children may be doing, or call just to hear a voice who knows a whole lot about you, without your even having to say it.

Research also tells us that you can also reduce your risk of cognitive decline by exercising your brain. Take time in your busy day to read newspapers, magazines, and books, or even play a challenging crossword puzzle, build your vocabulary, learn a new skill, even play chess.

Being a volunteer can also be a protective buffer from the curve balls that life may throw at us as we age. “Volunteering can be medicine for the soul. It allows you to connect with other people, explore and remedy emerging community issues, make a difference as a caregiver or mentor and change lives. Volunteering is powerful and can define and redirect your life’s journey,” says Vincent Marzullo, who for 31 years served as RI’s National Service Director and still volunteers weekly at Hasbro Children’s Hospital.

When you require help, don’t be afraid to ask your family, friends or even professional colleagues for support and assistance. People will always go up the ladder of their careers, even down, too. Take the opportunity to be there for not only people you know, but also strangers when they need a helping hand to jump-start their faltering personal relationships or professional careers.

Time really does fly after you graduate college. Don’t be afraid to pivot in your career – you may have spent 4 years or 8 years or many more studying and becoming an expert in a particular subject, but find your passion calls you to another career-path. Don’t be afraid to take the path that calls out the loudest for you. As you move into your middle or later years, view your life as a meaningful journey, living in the present, not tied to past experiences, nor possible future events. It’s the journey, not the end result, that you should focus on.

Amma, a well-known Hindu spiritual teacher, tells her millions of followers to view their life as a ‘canceled check.’ Let go of those past regrets, forgive yourself for those mistakes especially made in childhood and teenage years, more important those you made as you move into your middle or later years. Don’t regret passing up personal or professional opportunities, for others will follow, she says. Use your time on earth wisely; don’t waste it carrying the burdens of past guilt or personal grudges. Think about that.

View your life as being back in high school, learning from each positive and negative experience you encounter. When you confront life’s health, financial, and personal and professional challenges, keep a positive attitude. Don’t be overwhelmed by negative thoughts. Each day you will make daily choices as to how you will react to your problems. In these situations, you can either see the proverbial glass as either being “half-full” or “half-empty.” A positive attitude allows you to see a “half-full” glass, thus allowing you to successfully overcome the adversity.

As we grow older, we sometimes put too much energy into reflecting on our personal and professional defeats, being depressed on the “bad hands” we were dealt. Savor your victories, but always forgive yourself for your shortcomings and failures. Learning from your shortcomings and defeats will build a strong bridge to future successes.

Also, forgive others who have hurt you personally and professionally. You cannot live or reconcile your life peacefully if you are still holding onto grudges, anger, and bitterness, all tied to past relationships or negative employment experiences.

Writer Simon Kent tells us a powerful story about forgiveness in an article penned in 2013 on the Toronto Sun’s website. When Nelson Mandela’s National African party won the election that would end apartheid in South Africa, he forgave his white political foes, says Kent, noting that the power of forgiveness kept the black majority ruling party from seeking revenge.

According to Kent, at his 1994 inauguration, Prisoner 46664 — Nelson Mandela — had kept a seat set aside for a very special guest he wanted to witness his swearing-in as President, the highest office in the land. This person, one of his former jailers from Robben Island, where he was held for 18 years of hard labor.

Why do we continue to hold anger, bitterness, and grudges against others? If Mandela can easily forgive his former jailor and a white society that kept his black brothers and sisters enslaved for centuries, why can’t you forgive others, too?

Pass on your hard-earned wisdom. As you begin to accumulate more of life’s professional and personal experiences, share your story with others, especially those younger than you. By the time you reach your twilight years, you will have accumulated a huge reservoir of untapped wisdom gained from your life’s journey from making both good and bad decisions. When taking on the new role of parent or grandparent, always continue to share your insights and lessons you have learned to your children and grandchildren. The generations following you will lose out if you remain silent and keep your knowledge and history from them.

Get off the treadmill of life. Learn to slow down and enjoy the simple moments of your life. In her books and lectures, nationally-acclaimed author Connie Goldman, has stated that the simple act of watching a beautiful sunrise or sunset or even puttering around your garden can be as stimulating as a jam-packed calendar of activities.

My final thought – nothing is guaranteed in life except death, taxes, and even, hopefully, growing old. So, Class of 2022, I urge you to make the most of your life that is just beginning to unfold before you. Don’t focus on the end result. Focus on the journey. Sometimes it is not the big things that you do that count, rather the simple daily acts of loving kindness you give to all those around you.

Enjoy your new journey. Age boldly.

Checking That off My Bucket List

This ‘Age Beat’ Writer to Publish Collected Stories on a Myriad of Aging Issues

Published in Woonsocket call on August 7, 2016

With the graying of America, a growing number of aging Baby Boomers and seniors are turning to newspapers, television and cable shows and even the Internet to learn more about growing old. This “age beat” coverage percolates up from the bottom of a newsroom, often with middle-aged reporters and editors/producers who are now facing the elder care issues of their elderly parents or in-laws, says San Francisco-based journalist Paul Kleyman, who edits Generations Age Beat Online (GBONews.org), an e-newsletter of the Journalists Network on Generations, distributed to more than 1,000 journalists and authors on aging. They discover “what a huge, untold story it is,” he notes.

Over the years, like many of the nation’s news organization’s The Pawtucket Times, created an ‘Age Beat’ in 2002 that allowed this writer for several years to cover a myriad of aging issues, including Social Security and Medicare, ethics, long-term care, consumer issues, spirituality, pop culture, health care and economics. Ultimately I returned in July 2012 to resume writing of my weekly commentary, with The Woonsocket Call picking it up. My ‘Age Beat’ at these Northern Rhode Island daily newspapers continues to this day.

As an ‘age beat’ journalist for over 36 years, I have penned more than 600 stories covering aging, health care and medical issues. These authored and coauthored pieces have appeared in national, state and local trade and association publications, daily, weekly and monthly newspapers and even news blogs.

AARP Rhode Island recognized my journalistic efforts to educate the public on aging issues in Amy weekly commentaries that appeared in The Pawtucket Times when I received AARP Rhode Island’s 2003 Vision Award. My efforts in covering the long-term care continuum caught the attention of the American College of Health Care Administrators and I became a two time recipient, in 1994 and again in 1999, of its Journalism Award. I also was awarded the Distinguished Alumni’s Award by the Center for Studies in Aging, North Texas State University, in 1997, for my career coverage of aging issues. In 1997, the prestigious McKnight’s LTC News identified me as one of its “100 Most Influential People” in Long-Term Care.

Crossing ‘One Thing to Do’ Off My Bucket List

As a seasoned writer I can now cross off the publishing of my first book from my life’s bucket list. My first book, a collection of 79 newspaper commentaries, will be published shortly by Chepachet-based Stillwater River Publications. Taking Charge: Collected Stories on Aging Boldly, brings together this collection published in the Pawtucket Times, and Woonsocket Call, each article citing the date it was published.

Although a commentary in this book may have been written years ago, and the person quoted is no longer in his or her position or even deceased, the insight that they gave in their interview is still factual and valuable. While most of my sources are from Rhode Island, their stories are universal and their insights applicable anywhere in the nation.

The 291 page book is chock full of researched stories and insightful interviews with experts and everyday people who have shared their personal observations about growing older. The stories cover a variety of aging issues ranging from caregiving and retirement planning, health and wellness, mental health, preplanning your funeral, choosing the right nursing home, Social Security and Medicare, and pop culture to thoughts about spirituality and death.

A short summary on the back of the book says, “Don’t just grow older, take charge and age boldly!” The collection of stories, organized in 13 chapters offers readers – age 50 plus and even those younger – insights and practical information as to how they can plan and enjoy a full and satisfying quality of life unparalleled in our history. With increasing lifespans, Americans are living longer, decades after our retirement.

In Praise of…

In the foreword of this book, Kathleen S. Connell State Director of AARP Rhode Island, sets the stage for readers as to what they can expect from reading this book. “He moves beyond the surface to explore the facts as well as the depth of feelings beneath it. In this era of speed and change, with eternal youth as a major goal, he takes the time to find the truth, and then uses it to illuminate the many facts of aging with timeless observations delivered in lively readable portions, says Connell. Meanwhile, short pithy statements on the back cover of Taking Charge: Collective Stories on Aging Boldly, from well-known Rhode Islanders and national aging experts give their thumbs up and endorsement of this book. Specifically:

“Herb Weiss’ book gives practical information for caregivers and a foreshadowing for those of us approaching retirement years. Links keep the information fresh.” — Dr. Nancy Carriuolo, former President of Rhode Island College.

“Herb Weiss reminds our anti-aging society that becoming pro-aging can bring us greater rewards than mere wrinkle cream and tummy tucks.” — Paul Kleyman, Publisher of Generations Beat Online, the E-News of the Journalist Network on Generations

‘Taking Charge: Collected Stories on Aging Boldly’ is more than a book about aging well. What it actually reveals is how to live well. Each page crackles with insight, perspective and good advice. There’s a lot of hard-earned wisdom to be found on these pages.” —John O’Connor, Editorial Director at McKnight’s Long-Term Care News

“These stories within stories blend real-world wisdom and research to create an engaging and enlightening view of the many sides of aging that is both informative and inspiring.” —Dr. Phil Clark, Director of Gerontology Program, University of Rhode Island

“Herb Weiss’ unique experience as a journalist, congressional aide, arts and culture critic and aging expert come together beautifully in this rich sweep of commentary on aging in America today.” — William Benson, Managing Principal in Health Benefits and former Assistant Secretary for Aging, U.S. Administration on Aging

“Herb Weiss knows well the power of the personal story to both teach and learn. Aging brings changes and challenges, whether we are a caregiver, the one in care, or anyone who is dealing with his or her own aging.” —Connie Goldman, Speaker, Author, and Public Radio Producer on Aging Issues.

Everybody Has Their Story to Tell

Yes, the stories in Taking Charge: Collective Stories on Aging Boldly, clearly show that everyone has their own story to tell, a personal life experience that just might provide a road map to the reader on how to age better and even living a longer and healthier life.

Like my fellow Age Beat colleagues, I will continue to bring my readers in the Pawtucket Times and Woonsocket Call the latest, most informative coverage of aging, medical and health-care issues you need to know about in future articles, even books.

The price of Taking Charge: Collective Stories on Aging Boldly is $20 (includes free shipping and handling). Just ask — I am glad to sign copies of your book. For purchasing information email, hweissri@aol.com.

Caregivers Must Not Forget Their Own Needs

Published June 8, 2012, Pawtucket Times

It seems that every where I turn these days, friends, and business colleagues, are being thrust into care giving roles for older family members or spouses. In today’s hectic world, aging baby boomers and seniors who are now taking on this late-life role can find this new task very demanding and stressful.

According to the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, most aging baby boomers will become informal caregivers at some time during their lives. During any given year, there are more than 65 million Americans (29% of the nation’s population) who provide unpaid care for a chronically ill, disabled, or older family member or relative during any given year. The caregiver spends an average of 20 hours per week providing care for their loved ones.

Statistics paint a very detailed picture of the typical family caregiver. She is a 49-year old, married female who is employed and cares for her 69-year old widowed mother who does not live with her. Over 66 percent of the nation’s caregivers are women. More than 37 percent have children or grandchildren 18-years or younger living with them.

The Importance of Taking Care of Yourself

Connie Goldman, award winning radio producer and reporter whose books have given her readers insights, inspiration, and motivation for personal growth in their mid-life and beyond, sees continuing need for support and services for middle-aged caregivers.

Goldman, who authored The Gifts of Caregiving – Stories of Hardship, Hope and Healing, believes the secret of being a successful caregiver is to first take good care of yourself. Although her book was first published over a decade ago the personal stories that family caregiver have shared continue to offer comfort, insights, and inspiration. Many will benefit from reading the compilation of 30 stories of caregivers who tell their personal stories of taking care of an ill, disabled or aging loved one. Goldman notes all of these remarkable people cope with adversity in ways that leave us wondering: “Could I measure up to the challenge?” Most importantly, each of their stories reveals how the hardships of caregiving can be turned into a journey of hope and self-discovery,” she says.

In her timeless book, Goldman’s interviews include: Dana Reeve (wife of the late actor Christopher Reeve), former First Lady Rosalynn Carter, Pulitzer Prize-winning author Studs Terkel, and others whose lives were forever changed by their care giving experience. There are also personal experiences told by many whose names you won’t recognize, yet their stories offer personal insights that can nurture and nourish caregivers of any age.

“Taking on the commitment as a family caregiver opens the door to frustration, irritation, indecision, fear, guilt and stress,” says Goldman, so the caregiver must take care of themselves first. Goldman notes that a mantra she often suggest to post on your mirror, refrigerator, or anywhere else to remind yourself that you must “Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.” It is well known that caregivers often lose sleep, don’t eat properly, don’t take breaks, and don’t believe they matter as much as the person who they’re providing care for, she adds. “Caregivers very often put themselves and their needs last on the list. To be the best caregiver you can be you must care for yourself”.

According to Goldman, you can be a better, more efficient caregiver if you get enough sleep, eat regular meals, and make a plan to get relief for some period of each day. “I know caregivers are often reluctant to ask a friend to fill in at home while you go to have your hair set, or meet a friend for lunch, or go for a walk in the park. Yet an hour or two away can nourish a caregiver for the next 24 hours,” she says.

Goldman suggests that caregivers can care for themselves by attending regular support groups, sharing with a friend three things that went right during a day (when everything seems going wrong), or taking a hot bath, reading a magazine, spending a bit of time in your garden, taking a short nap, or eating a chocolate bar! It’s often the little things that count in surviving each day and the challenges of being an aging baby boomer caregiver or taking on the caregiver role at any age.

Taping into Resources…

It is difficult for many caregivers navigate the long-term care system to find the most appropriate programs and services to keep their loved ones at home. According to the Rhode Island Department of Human Services, Division of Elderly Affairs, the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) might just provide that crucial information for caregivers. The Kensington, Maryland-based clearing house (at www.nfcacares.org) offers information on a variety of topics including, stress and family caregiving, caregiver advocacy, care management techniques, support groups, communication with health care professionals, reaching out for help, and other issues. For more information about the books written by Connie Goldman, go to www.congoldman.org your local bookstore or Amazon.com

Herb Weiss is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer who covers aging, health care and medical issues. His Commentaries appear in two daily newspapers, The Pawtucket Times and Woonsocket Call.