With Thanksgiving approaching, beat the Holiday Blues

Published on November 22, 2021 in RINewsToday

Just a year ago, the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic transformed the way we celebrated the traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Normally a personal gathering day with family and close friends, the cooler weather pushed people inside where the virus more easily spreads, forcing families to meet on Zoom for turkey dinner and catching up.

Today, COVID-19 vaccines have made it safer to bring families together to this annual holiday gathering. With the nation’s borders now open and 195 million Americans fully vaccinated and new travel guidelines in place, AAA predicts more than 53.4 million people are expected to travel to reunite with their loved ones, the highest single-year increase since 2005.

But like previous Thanksgiving celebrations, not every family gathering will be as serene as the one portrayed in Noman Rockwell’s iconic Freedom from Want painting that appeared in the March 6, 1943 issue of the Saturday Evening Post. Thoughts of attending the upcoming gathering might just tear open psychological wounds and bring to the surface bad memories, triggering stress, tension, and even depression.

Increased family demands and obligations that begin before Thanksgiving and continue through Christmas, and finally New Year’s Eve, can bring about the holiday blues, sad feelings specific to the holiday season. While there is no formal diagnosis of the holiday blues, these feelings are quite real for some people. Usually, it is felt by people who are going through the first holiday after a loss of a significant person in their life or a bad childhood memory from past the holidays. 

Holiday stresses brought about by last minute shopping for gifts, baking and cooking, cleaning and hosting parties, and even having unrealistic expectations can trigger depression. It can also bring about a feeling of malaise, tiredness, headaches, excessive drinking and overeating and even difficulty in sleeping.

COVID-19 and the Holiday Blues

At the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic there was less stress because people were not doing face-to-face gatherings, says Elaine Rodino, Ph.D., psychologist in private practice for over 41 years in California and Pennsylvania. “But it still came up because they were worried about Uncle Morrie showing up on Zoom,” she says.

The COVID-19 pandemic is overshadowing this year’s holiday season yet again, says Rodino, who is former president of the American Psychological Associations’ Division 46 (Society for Media Psychology & Technology), and Division 42 (Psychologists in Independent Practice), the Los Angles County Association, and the Central Pennsylvania Psychological Association.

“There’s plenty of mitigating news this year about inflation and how prices are higher on almost all items including Thanksgiving Day dinner. People having financial issues this year can let themselves feel better by realizing that they are not alone. Many people are suffering economically through no fault of their own,” Rodino says.

“We’ve been experiencing many new ways of having to think about things,” adds Rodino, urging people to “be flexible and find new ways to enjoy life with less dependence on material things.”

According to Rodino, preplanning your visit can be the best way to reduce holiday blues. “Give thought to what you’re expecting and determine if your expectations are valid or just wishful thinking. Then decide to literally “make the best of it” by focusing on the good things and the good reasons why you’re making this visit,” she advises.

Putting the Kibosh on Hot Topics at Dinner

What can you do to steer away from heated political debates or sensitive issues including “why aren’t you vaccinated?”

Stressful situations at Thanksgiving gatherings can be reduced if you give thought to what to expect in visiting with your relatives. “Plan ahead on how you’re going to avoid being taken down a rabbit hole of controversy. How are you are going to pivot away from conversations when you see them going in a dangerous direction?”  

Rodino adds, “Remember who they are and how they think. Since it’s only a limited time visit, try to remain neutral. Don’t try to change anyone’s thinking. Things usually go badly when people try to convince others to think the way they do. That never goes well.”

You can plan ahead about how you will handle these conversations. “Do not fight!  There will be no winner. Talk about sports, the weather (not climate change), how delicious the food is, even how cute the dog is,” recommends Rodino.

“It’s best to accept that everyone has their own opinions (even if some seem very bizarre). Just think to yourself that you will soon be going back to your own home. You do not need to try to convince anyone about anything,” adds Rodino.

“When feeling stress, it’s important to realize that it’s time limited. Take care of yourself, whether it’s exercising, taking a warm bath, or just taking a break and reading a book. “There needs to be just some time that you just check out from the holiday stress part,” she says.

The holiday blues should begin to fade away by the first couple of weeks in January, notes Rodino. “So, if people are still feeling that, like say the second, third week of January, then they really should talk with a psychologist, because there could be issues that really need to be sorted out and processed,” she says.

With the ongoing pandemic we need to create new ways of doing things, says Rodino, noting that “People need to become creative and think up new ways to celebrate.”

As to compiling other strategies to cope with the holiday blues, Rodino suggests Googling ideas for surviving the pandemic holidays. “There’s something there for everyone,” she says.

Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

During this time of year, some may even feel a little depressed or have suicidal thoughts. Losses of all types can weigh heavily on anyone, but loss from COVID-19 has tragically impacted on so many and we can now add the pandemic to the challenges many face along with unemployment, experiencing painful chronic illnesses, or just feeling isolated from others. Sometimes, you aren’t ready for professional help from a doctor or mental health professional. Sometimes, you just need someone to talk to.

Think about calling The Samaritans of Rhode Island – where trained volunteers “are there to listen.” Incorporated in 1977, the Pawtucket-based nonprofit program is dedicated to listening to those in need through its nonjudgment befriending hotline/listening line program serving all of the state’s 39 cities and towns.

Executive Director, Denise Panichas, of the Rhode Island branch, notes that the communication-based program teaches volunteers to effectively listen to people no matter the caller’s issues or status. “You don’t need insurance, you don’t need to be in crisis, you don’t need to be in professional care, you don’t need a diagnosis to call. Most importantly, conversations are free, confidential and anonymous.

And, Panichas notes, for those in professional care, Samaritan volunteers can  be there to listen when family, friends and professionals are not available.

Panichas noted The Samaritans of Rhode Island Listening Line is also a much-needed resources for caregivers and older Rhode Islanders. Caregiving is both rewarding but most caregivers don’t want to talk about the stress to family and friends. Caregivers don’t want to be a bother to anyone. Caregivers need to know, however, that they are never a bother to our Listening line volunteers.

This year, The Samaritans partnered with Rhode Island Meals on Wheels to share information about the availability of the Listening Line services to homebound seniors. Family members are encouraged to share The Samaritans telephone number with seniors who are family members living alone, or even for those seniors living in facilities – most have private phones and they can call, too.

The Samaritans of Rhode Island can be the gateway to care or a “compassionate nonjudgmental voice on the other end of the line,” Panichas notes. “It doesn’t matter what your problem is, be it depression, suicidal thoughts, seeking resources for mental health services in the community, or being lonely or just needing to talk, our volunteers are there to listen.”

Suicide prevention education is still a very important feature of the agency’s mission. For persons in need of more information about suicide emergencies, The Samaritans website, http://www.samaritansri.org, has an emergency checklist as well as information by city and town including Blackstone Valley communities from Pawtucket to Woonsocket.

Holiday giving to financially support the programs of The Samaritans of Rhode Island is always welcomed. Donations can be made online at its website or by mail to: The Samaritans of Rhode Island, P.O. Box 9086, Providence Rhode Island 02940.

Emergency? Call 911. Need to talk? Call a volunteer at The Samaritans. Call 401.272.4044 or toll free in RI (1-800) 365-4044.

Samaritans Celebrate Their Fortieth Birthday

Published in Woonsocket Call on January 22, 2017

In 2001, Denise Panichas took the temporary job as executive director of The Samaritans of Rhode Island, only expecting to stay at the helm for six week. Looking back over the last 16 years the Woonsocket resident clearly sees the hook that has kept her in her very demanding job.

“After my arrival people I knew, from all walks of life, came up to me sharing their personal stories of losing a loved one to suicide or being a caregiver to a person with physical or behavioral problems,” says Panichas. “My decision to stay in my temporary position for just one week, turned into two weeks and then time just quickly flew by,” she says, noting that her empathy grew daily with each encounter with Rhode Islanders who suffered the tragic loss of a loved one.

Surviving the Financial Storm

Running a small statewide nonprofit is not as easy as one thinks, notes Panichas, as she reflected on the uncontrollable obstacles she had to overcome to keep The Samaritans, the state’s only nonprofit group exclusively dedicated to suicide prevention and education, financially afloat.

Panichas watched her donations dry up as the America’s economy spiraled out of control during the 2008 financial crisis, some calling it the nation’s worst the 1930’s Great Depression. Before that, at the state-level, The Samaritans along with many of Rhode Island’s nonprofits, lost funding when the United Way of Rhode Island eliminated member agencies, cutting assistance to many nonprofit groups. “The Samaritans lost over $50,000 from these cuts,” says Panichas, stressing that that downsizing and redirected fundraising efforts to target individual contributors and special event fundraisers (“Cross the Bridge to Hope” at the Pell Bridge Run) brought in needed funds into the nonprofit’s coffers to man the hotlines and its grief support group.

Today, 17 percent of The Samaritan’s funding comes from state and local grants, the rest coming from foundation, individual, corporate and special event contributions. Eighty one percent of its fundraising dollars is allocated to program, she says.

But, Panichas now sees better times for The Samaritans as she begins organizing events and programs that will take place in the upcoming months to celebrate the 40th Anniversary of The Samaritans. “In February, we are planning to release the details about the free programs and special events that will serve as our fundraisers,” she says.

Panichas and her board of 12 community leaders, from six Rhode Island communities and nearby Massachusetts, are also in discussion with the Preservation Society of Pawtucket to purchase the Baker-Hanley House, one of the City’s oldest houses, on Park Place, to serve as its first owned headquarters. The agency is planning a “Peace Garden” at the side of the historic structure to allow visitors to mediate and reflect on loved ones they have lost through suicide. .

Over forty years, The Samaritans have worked hard to bring the topic of suicide out of the closet and into public discussion, say Meredith Hampton, president of The Samaritan’s who has served on its board for over 15 years. “We have persevered and gained public support who have rallied behind our efforts,” she says.

Like Panichas, Hampton, a Cranston resident who serves as senior project manager for Norwood, Massachusetts-based Cramer Production Company, a marketing and communications firm, is thrilled that her nonprofit is celebrating its ruby anniversary of providing programs and services to the Rhode Island community. Hampton notes that owning a building will “put a face to the organization” and she expects the capital campaign to be announced in a couple of months.

Reaching out to Rhode Island’s Lonely

“Feeling low with nowhere to turn” noted songwriter Bill Withers says is a public service announcement regularly played, there is a place to call – The Samaritans – where trained volunteers “are there to listen.” Incorporated in 1977, the Pawtucket-based nonprofit program is dedicated to reducing the occurrence of suicide by befriending the despairing and lonely throughout the state’s 39 cities and towns.

Since the inception, The Samaritans has received more than 550,000 calls and trained more 1,355 volunteers to answer its confidential and anonymous Hotline/Listening Lines.

With the first Samaritan branch started in England in 1953, independent Samaritan branches can now be found in more than 40 countries of the world. “Samaritans, can I help you?” is quietly spoken into the phone across the world in a multilingual chorus of voices,” notes its web site.

The communication-based program teaches volunteers to effectively listen to people who are in crisis, says Panichas, noting that conversations are free, confidential and, most importantly, anonymous.

A rigorous 21-hour training program teaches volunteers to listen to callers without expressing personal judgments or opinions. Panichas said that the listening techniques called “befriending,” calls for 90 percent listening and 10 percent talking.
“Suicide is considered a missed opportunity in prevention,” says Panichas. She stresses, “If you are doing all the talking there is a very chance that you will miss what is really bothering the hopeless caller.”

Panichas noted in 2016 more than 5,491 calls were logged into The Samaritans’ Listening Line, a great resource for caregivers and older Rhode Islanders. She estimates that 997 came from seniors.

In 2016, The Samaritans hosted over 108,305 visitors to its website, many going to caregiver information. The nonprofit’s website received 1,487,691 hits and 233,336 pages were viewed. Panichas believes that the increased website visits are due to the “growing problem of suicide and our nonprofit group’s effective use of social media.”

Other services include a peer-to-peer grief Safe Place Support Group for those left behind by suicide as well as community education programs.

The Samaritans can be the gateway to care or a “compassionate nonjudgmental voice on the other end of the line,” Panichas notes. “It doesn’t matter what your problem is, be it depression, suicidal thoughts, seeking resources for mental health services in the community or being lonely or just needing to talk, our volunteers are there to listen.”

Rhode Island’s Art Community Supports Program and Services

In December 2011, The Samaritans began a social venture, by relocating to the City of Pawtucket’s 307 acre Arts & Entertainment District. According to Panichas, a built out professional gallery allowed her to open the Forget-Me-Not Gallery and Community Education Center. Through networking and partnerships with Rhode Island’s fine arts and crafts community, “we are able to foster hope, inspiration and commemoration of the lives of our loved ones who have fallen victim to suicide,” she says.

“Every piece of art sold or every gift bought through our gift shop provides needed funded for our programs and also contributes to Rhode Island’s state artistic small business economy,” says Panichas.

Eric Auger of Pawtucket and co-owner of Ten31 Productions also in Pawtucket, volunteers his time and talent in curating gallery shows throughout the year, says Panichas, noting that there have been more than two dozen exhibits, performances and education programs since 2011.

At the Forget-Me-Not Gallery, no sales taxes are charged on one-of-a-kind pieces of art work. The gallery also is a retail site for Rhode Island-based Alex and Ani jewelry and other giftware.

For those seeking to financially support the programs of The Samaritans, its Gallery and Education Center is available to rent for special events, meetings and other types of occasions. For information on gallery rental, call the Samaritans business line at 401-721-5220; or go to http://www.samaritansri.org.

Need to Talk? Call a volunteer at The Samaritans. Call 401.272.4044 or toll free in RI (1-800) 365-4044.

For persons interested in more information about suicide emergencies, The Samaritans website, http://www.samaritansri.org, has an emergency checklist as well as information by city and town including Blackstone Valley communities from Pawtucket to Woonsocket.

Coping with the Holiday Blues

Published December 14, 2012, Pawtucket Times

Chestnuts roasting in your fireplace, green wreaths with red ribbons and brightly colored lights on decorated evergreen trees may elicit pleasant thoughts about the upcoming holidays; however, these thoughts might just tear open old wounds and bring to the surface bad memories, triggering stress, tension and even depression.

Not every family gathering with your parents, siblings, children, or grandchildren will be as serene as a Norman Rockwell painting. Of course, everyone has heard horror stories involving holiday family gatherings.

Surviving the Stress of Family Visits

Allison Bernier, LICSW, Associate Director of Wellness Employment and Network Services, at the Providence Center, notes that while the holiday season can be a time of family celebration, joy, and companionship for many people, it can also be a very stressful time. “High expectations, disrupted routines, dealing with loss or separation from loved ones, financial strain, and time constraints can all exacerbate anxiety and depression,” she says.

Bernier, who has 15 years under her belt employed as a Social Worker, who now provides one-to-one counseling to clients for the past six years, provides common sense tips as to how to survive stress that can be ignited by holiday family gathering.

Fighting holiday blues can be as simple as being prepared for family conflicts and having a specific plan to handle the uncomfortable emotions that may arise, notes Bernier. Creating a list of “potential issues” and “role playing how you will react with people you trust” can be effective ways to survive difficulties that might occur, she says.

“It is okay to know that you don’t have to be happy during the holidays,” states Bernier, stressing “just accept your feelings and the place where you are at.” If needed, just reach out to your network of family or friends or contact a professional, she recommends.

According to Bernier, when expectations are unrealistic, we almost always will fail to meet them. Scale back on your plans, or ask for help Just keep your expectations low and when you visit family or friends, just go and enjoy the social interactions, she says.

If seeing family causes you great amounts of stress each year, it is alright to say no sometimes and celebrate with friends, Bernier recommends. If you don’t want to withdraw from your family gathering because of tension, you don’t have to, she says. “Just keep your visit time-limited,” she recommends, only going for an hour or two rather than spending all day at the event.

The holidays can easily become a source of stress, especially when you’re standing in long lines at the local mall waiting to buy the last available iPad while trying to remember how much money you have left to use on your credit cards. Writing out a gift list along with creating a budget for holiday spending can help decrease anxiety, too, Bernier notes. By setting spending limits you will also reduce the anxiety that comes with reviewing your post-holiday credit card bills.

Maintaining healthy habits can also take the blues out of your holiday, predicts Bernier. Enjoy some eggnog, cheese cake or pastries at a holiday party, but keep the balance by eating healthy foods (smaller portions), drinking alcohol in moderation, continuing to exercise and getting enough rest.

Coping with Holiday Depression

Besides family stress, other factors may well play into bringing on the holiday blues.

During this time of the year, some Rhode Islanders may even feel a little depressed or have suicidal thoughts with the approaching upcoming festive holidays, especially if they have lost a spouse and friends, are unemployed, experiencing painful chronic illnesses, or just feel isolated from others.

If this happens, “feeling low with nowhere to turn” as noted singer songwriter Bill Withers says is a public service announcement, there is a place to call – The Samaritans of Rhode Island – where trained volunteers “are there to listen.” Incorporated in 1977, the Pawtucket-based nonprofit program is dedicated to reducing the occurrence of suicide by befriending the despairing and lonely throughout the state’s 39 cities and towns.

Since the inception, The Samaritans has received more than 500,000 calls and trained more 1,380 volunteers to answer its confidential and anonymous Hotline/Listening Lines.

With the first Samaritan branch started in England in 1953, chapters can now be found in more than 40 countries of the world. “Samaritans, can I help you?” is quietly spoken into the phone across the world in a multilingual chorus of voices,” notes its web site.

Executive Director, Denise Panichas, of the Rhode Island branch, notes that the communication-based program teaches volunteers to effectively listen to people who are in crisis. Conversations are free, confidential and, most importantly, anonymous.

A rigorous 21-hour training program teaches volunteers to listen to callers without expressing personal judgments or opinions. Panichas said that the listening techniques called “befriending,” calls for 90 percent listening and 10 percent talking.

Panichas noted The Samaritans of Rhode Island Listening Line is also a much needed resources for caregivers and older Rhode Islanders.

Other services include a peer-to-peer grief Safe Place Support Group for those left behind by suicide as well as community education programs.

In 2011, The Samaritans of Rhode Island received more than 7,000 calls and hosted more than 50,000 visitors to its website.

The Samaritans of Rhode Island can be the gateway to care or a “compassionate nonjudgmental voice on the other end of the line,” Panichas notes. “It doesn’t matter what your problem is, be it depression, suicidal thoughts, seeking resources for mental health services in the community or being lonely or just needing to talk, our volunteers are there to listen.”

For persons interested in more information about suicide emergencies, The Samaritans website, http://www.samaritansri.org, has an emergency checklist as well as information by city and town including Blackstone Valley communities from Pawtucket to Woonsocket.

Professional Galley and Gift Shop Supports Program and Services

In December 2011, The Samaritans began a social venture, by relocating to the City of Pawtucket’s Arts & Entertainment District, and opening the Forget-Me-Not Gallery and Community Education Center. Through partnerships with Rhode Island’s fine arts and crafts community, “we hope to foster hope, inspiration and commemoration of the lives of our loved ones who have fallen victim to suicide,” stated Panichas.

At the Forget-Me-Not Gallery, no sales taxes are charged on one-of-a-kind pieces of art work. The gallery also is a retail site for Rhode Island-based Alex and Ani jewelry and other giftware.

For those seeking to financially support the programs of The Samaritans of Rhode Island, its Gallery and Education Center is available to rent for special events, meetings and other types of occasions. For information on gallery rental, call the Samaritans business line at 401-721-5220; or go to http://www.samaritansri.org.

Need to Talk? Call a volunteer at The Samaritans. Call 401.272.4044 or toll free in RI (1-800) 365-4044.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12 is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer who covers health care, aging, and medical issues. He can be contacted at hweissri@aol.com.