Tag Archives for Holiday blues

Psychologist Elaine Rodino’s Tips on those Holiday Blues

Published in RINewsToday.com on December 19, 2022

It is a visible sign of the approach of Christmas.  Houses are decorated with colorful Christmas lights with wreaths with red ribbons hung on the front doors of homes throughout the community. But planned gatherings next weekend with family and friends may not bring the joyful feelings and closeness you might expect, rather. isolation and loneliness. 

Increased demands of family obligations during the upcoming holidays, from last minute shopping trips for gifts, baking and cooking, cleaning, to hosting parties, getting your Christmas cards in the mail, and even unrealistic expectations can oftentimes produce extra stresses, feelings of anxiety, isolation and depression.  

During her 43-year career as a licensed practicing psychologist in Los Angeles and at State College, Pennsylvania, Elaine Rodino, Ph.D., a fellow and former president of the American of the American Psychological Association’s division of psychologists in independent practice, has had a longstanding interest in the holiday blues and has helped many of her patients cope with this issue over the years. 

No formal condition but it’s a “real” condition

During an interview on Speaking of Psychology, the flagship podcast of the American Psychological Association (APA), Psychologist Dr. Elaine Rodino noted that there’s no formal diagnosis of holiday blues, but it is a real condition. “It’s a condition that usually appears around the holidays and then fades away sometime in January,” she says.

According to Rodino, feelings can vary. To some people it’s a feeling of malaise, tiredness and they just can’t get to things. For others it’s the “traditional bah-humbug attitude,” she said, noting that “they hate the holidays and just can’t wait until they are over.”   

In counseling sessions during holidays, Rodino says conversations always come up as to how the patient will “get through the holidays, what they’re doing, what the stresses are, and how they’re going to deal with getting together with the family.”

Rodino, who has been quoted on the topic over the years by the LA Times, Chicago Tribune, New York Times, Boston Globe, WebMD, and many magazines, offers these tips to cope with the stresses and anxiety triggered by the upcoming holidays.

Be conscious of your spending especially this year with soaring inflation and high interest rates. “Especially large families where each person usually gives to every other person there can be a plan to have a grab-bag of names and buy only for the person whose name you pick out of the bag. I have heard of this plan working well in a number of families and groups,” says Rodino.

Rodino suggests that if you know of a person who had a loss this year or has recently become single, it’s good to invite them to join you and your family for any holiday events or dinners. “People who are alone can take the initiative to create a gathering of others and have a potluck party.  This can be planned for Christmas or New Year’s, too,” she says.

“COVID is not totally gone and this year the flu and RSV are creating illnesses and hospitals are near capacity in many places. Continue to take precautions,” adds Rodino.  “I suggest that people get their immunizations for COVID and flu.  It may not prevent you from getting sick, but it will most likely be a milder case,” she notes.

“Don’t be intimated if you want to wear a mask. Just because you may feel like the only person wearing a mask, if that’s what you feel is safe, wear that mask,” recommends Rodino. “I’ve known people who say they knew they should have kept their mask on, but no one else was wearing one,” she says.

Don’t talk politics if everyone’s not on the same political page

Rodino warns that in family gatherings unless everyone is on the same page, politically, try not to bring up politics or issues that are politically split. “The slightest mention of one of these topics could seem okay at first, but then can slowly escalate to high levels of debate and arguments,” she says.

It is important to be very aware that some people may be recently sober, says Rodino. “If someone declines a drink of eggnog, etc. do not insist.  Likewise, if you are newly sober you may want to party with other sober friends,” she suggests. 

“Some people may also have eating disorders and may also be triggered by insistence that they try a certain dessert, or have seconds,” adds Rodino. 

Take care of your self-care during this time of year. “Consider taking time for yourself.  Take a break from shopping and all things related to the holidays. A walk, a warm bath, a massage, or even just reading a book can do wonders to renew your energy,” she notes.

Become aware of your own expectations and that of others as to what you “should” be doing for the holidays. “Take time to figure out what you really want to do, who you want to spend time with, what you want to buy. You don’t need to follow traditions that no longer have meaning for you. You can start your new ways of celebrating the holidays. That may even include leaving town and going on a vacation,” she says.   

Rodino says, “Why not spend some time reviewing your plans for the holidays, and make wise decisions now, so you can really have Happy Holidays.”

To listen to APA’s Blog with Dr. Elaine Rodino speaking about holiday blues, go to https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/holiday-blues.

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With Thanksgiving approaching, beat the Holiday Blues

Published on November 22, 2021 in RINewsToday

Just a year ago, the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic transformed the way we celebrated the traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Normally a personal gathering day with family and close friends, the cooler weather pushed people inside where the virus more easily spreads, forcing families to meet on Zoom for turkey dinner and catching up.

Today, COVID-19 vaccines have made it safer to bring families together to this annual holiday gathering. With the nation’s borders now open and 195 million Americans fully vaccinated and new travel guidelines in place, AAA predicts more than 53.4 million people are expected to travel to reunite with their loved ones, the highest single-year increase since 2005.

But like previous Thanksgiving celebrations, not every family gathering will be as serene as the one portrayed in Noman Rockwell’s iconic Freedom from Want painting that appeared in the March 6, 1943 issue of the Saturday Evening Post. Thoughts of attending the upcoming gathering might just tear open psychological wounds and bring to the surface bad memories, triggering stress, tension, and even depression.

Increased family demands and obligations that begin before Thanksgiving and continue through Christmas, and finally New Year’s Eve, can bring about the holiday blues, sad feelings specific to the holiday season. While there is no formal diagnosis of the holiday blues, these feelings are quite real for some people. Usually, it is felt by people who are going through the first holiday after a loss of a significant person in their life or a bad childhood memory from past the holidays. 

Holiday stresses brought about by last minute shopping for gifts, baking and cooking, cleaning and hosting parties, and even having unrealistic expectations can trigger depression. It can also bring about a feeling of malaise, tiredness, headaches, excessive drinking and overeating and even difficulty in sleeping.

COVID-19 and the Holiday Blues

At the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic there was less stress because people were not doing face-to-face gatherings, says Elaine Rodino, Ph.D., psychologist in private practice for over 41 years in California and Pennsylvania. “But it still came up because they were worried about Uncle Morrie showing up on Zoom,” she says.

The COVID-19 pandemic is overshadowing this year’s holiday season yet again, says Rodino, who is former president of the American Psychological Associations’ Division 46 (Society for Media Psychology & Technology), and Division 42 (Psychologists in Independent Practice), the Los Angles County Association, and the Central Pennsylvania Psychological Association.

“There’s plenty of mitigating news this year about inflation and how prices are higher on almost all items including Thanksgiving Day dinner. People having financial issues this year can let themselves feel better by realizing that they are not alone. Many people are suffering economically through no fault of their own,” Rodino says.

“We’ve been experiencing many new ways of having to think about things,” adds Rodino, urging people to “be flexible and find new ways to enjoy life with less dependence on material things.”

According to Rodino, preplanning your visit can be the best way to reduce holiday blues. “Give thought to what you’re expecting and determine if your expectations are valid or just wishful thinking. Then decide to literally “make the best of it” by focusing on the good things and the good reasons why you’re making this visit,” she advises.

Putting the Kibosh on Hot Topics at Dinner

What can you do to steer away from heated political debates or sensitive issues including “why aren’t you vaccinated?”

Stressful situations at Thanksgiving gatherings can be reduced if you give thought to what to expect in visiting with your relatives. “Plan ahead on how you’re going to avoid being taken down a rabbit hole of controversy. How are you are going to pivot away from conversations when you see them going in a dangerous direction?”  

Rodino adds, “Remember who they are and how they think. Since it’s only a limited time visit, try to remain neutral. Don’t try to change anyone’s thinking. Things usually go badly when people try to convince others to think the way they do. That never goes well.”

You can plan ahead about how you will handle these conversations. “Do not fight!  There will be no winner. Talk about sports, the weather (not climate change), how delicious the food is, even how cute the dog is,” recommends Rodino.

“It’s best to accept that everyone has their own opinions (even if some seem very bizarre). Just think to yourself that you will soon be going back to your own home. You do not need to try to convince anyone about anything,” adds Rodino.

“When feeling stress, it’s important to realize that it’s time limited. Take care of yourself, whether it’s exercising, taking a warm bath, or just taking a break and reading a book. “There needs to be just some time that you just check out from the holiday stress part,” she says.

The holiday blues should begin to fade away by the first couple of weeks in January, notes Rodino. “So, if people are still feeling that, like say the second, third week of January, then they really should talk with a psychologist, because there could be issues that really need to be sorted out and processed,” she says.

With the ongoing pandemic we need to create new ways of doing things, says Rodino, noting that “People need to become creative and think up new ways to celebrate.”

As to compiling other strategies to cope with the holiday blues, Rodino suggests Googling ideas for surviving the pandemic holidays. “There’s something there for everyone,” she says.

Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

During this time of year, some may even feel a little depressed or have suicidal thoughts. Losses of all types can weigh heavily on anyone, but loss from COVID-19 has tragically impacted on so many and we can now add the pandemic to the challenges many face along with unemployment, experiencing painful chronic illnesses, or just feeling isolated from others. Sometimes, you aren’t ready for professional help from a doctor or mental health professional. Sometimes, you just need someone to talk to.

Think about calling The Samaritans of Rhode Island – where trained volunteers “are there to listen.” Incorporated in 1977, the Pawtucket-based nonprofit program is dedicated to listening to those in need through its nonjudgment befriending hotline/listening line program serving all of the state’s 39 cities and towns.

Executive Director, Denise Panichas, of the Rhode Island branch, notes that the communication-based program teaches volunteers to effectively listen to people no matter the caller’s issues or status. “You don’t need insurance, you don’t need to be in crisis, you don’t need to be in professional care, you don’t need a diagnosis to call. Most importantly, conversations are free, confidential and anonymous.

And, Panichas notes, for those in professional care, Samaritan volunteers can  be there to listen when family, friends and professionals are not available.

Panichas noted The Samaritans of Rhode Island Listening Line is also a much-needed resources for caregivers and older Rhode Islanders. Caregiving is both rewarding but most caregivers don’t want to talk about the stress to family and friends. Caregivers don’t want to be a bother to anyone. Caregivers need to know, however, that they are never a bother to our Listening line volunteers.

This year, The Samaritans partnered with Rhode Island Meals on Wheels to share information about the availability of the Listening Line services to homebound seniors. Family members are encouraged to share The Samaritans telephone number with seniors who are family members living alone, or even for those seniors living in facilities – most have private phones and they can call, too.

The Samaritans of Rhode Island can be the gateway to care or a “compassionate nonjudgmental voice on the other end of the line,” Panichas notes. “It doesn’t matter what your problem is, be it depression, suicidal thoughts, seeking resources for mental health services in the community, or being lonely or just needing to talk, our volunteers are there to listen.”

Suicide prevention education is still a very important feature of the agency’s mission. For persons in need of more information about suicide emergencies, The Samaritans website, http://www.samaritansri.org, has an emergency checklist as well as information by city and town including Blackstone Valley communities from Pawtucket to Woonsocket.

Holiday giving to financially support the programs of The Samaritans of Rhode Island is always welcomed. Donations can be made online at its website or by mail to: The Samaritans of Rhode Island, P.O. Box 9086, Providence Rhode Island 02940.

Emergency? Call 911. Need to talk? Call a volunteer at The Samaritans. Call 401.272.4044 or toll free in RI (1-800) 365-4044.

Simple Tips on Surviving the Holidays

Published in the Woonsocket Callon December 23, 2018

The holiday season can be a double-edge sword. For some, it brings feelings of warmth and joy, even closeness and belonging to family and friends, but for others it produces, extra stress and anxiety and feelings of isolation and depression. Increased demands and family obligations during Christmas through New Year’s Eve, from last minute shopping for gifts, baking and cooking, cleaning and hosting parties, getting the Christmas cards mailed, and even having unrealistic expectations can bring about the holiday blues. Although holiday stress triggers depression, it can also bring about headaches, excessive drinking and overeating and even difficulty in sleeping.

During her 24-year career as a licensed behavioral health therapist, Holly Fitting, LMHC, LCDP, Vice President of Addiction and Residential Services at the Providence-based The Providence Center (TPC), has assisted many of her clients develop strategies to cope with the holiday blues. “It’s quite common,” says Fitting, who oversees over 20 programs at TPC.

Traveling to visit families, flight delays, long lines to check in, bad weather can add to your stress, too, says Fitting, even anticipating topics conversations that may lead to arguments and events that may not even happen.

Pre-planning Potential Family Conflict

Fitting says that preplanning potential issues that you might encounter at a family gathering can helpful up to a point if you just don’t over plan. “If you try to figure out every possible scenario that might occur, this may only heighten your anxiety,” she adds. So, if you think your sibling will bring up political topics you may not want to discuss, you can plan to say, “Let’s talk about this topic after the holidays,” suggest Fitting. Or just don’t sit near them at the dinner table to avoid the conversation, she adds.

It’s okay to say “no” if you choose not to attend holiday parties or family gatherings, says Fitting, especially if you feel stressed out going. To keep feelings from being hurt and reducing potential problems it might be better to go but limit the time there, she says.

Also, you can choose not to take on the responsibilities and commitments to bring trays of treats, says Fitting. But if you choose to bring dessert, take the easy road. Instead of baking everything from scratch, buy a platter of cookies or a store-bought cake to lighten your load.

Combating the Holiday Blues

Maintaining healthy habits can also help you beat the holiday blues. “Try to eat healthy meals before holiday gatherings and minimize sugary desserts and alcohol consumed at the celebrations,” states Fitting. During the holidays, “continue your exercise routine, even if it is a scaled down version and get plenty of sleep,” she suggests, noting that this will help to reduce anxiety and depression, sleep better and keep the weight off.

Out of control holiday spending and last-minute shopping can increase holiday stress, too, says Fitting who suggests these tips to reduce gift costs: “Stick to your set budget to avoid guilt about buying gifts you cannot afford. Use coupons and sales to decrease spending costs. Agree to set the spending limits to no more than $ 20. Rather than buying presents for ten different people, play Secret Santa and each family member just buys one gift. Set the price and rules ahead of time and make sure everyone understands them. Or rather than buying presents collect cash to make a donation to an agreed upon charity,” she recommends.

Standing in long lines in the shopping mall can quickly become a source of stress, says Fitting. “One good solution is to double up and invite a family member or friend to shop. Waiting in a long line alone always feels like it takes twice as long as when you have someone to talk to.

You can get into the holiday spirit by starting a new tradition for yourself and family that you will enjoy, suggests Fitting. “Volunteering to help out with a Toys for Tots Drive, or at a soup kitchen. Giving back by volunteering can really help to boost your spirits,” she says.

Finally, Fitting says, “accept the fact that there will be mishaps along the way during the holidays. Try laughing at the unanticipated events and this certainly will help to reduce the undue stress experienced.”

Getting Professional Help When Needed

As Christmas and New Year’s approach, and you cannot shake the holiday blues, “it is important to be honest with yourself and your feelings. But, if the feelings of sadness still persist then you should go speak to a professional. Sometimes going for therapy to talk through your feelings will help to alleviate depression and anxiety. Sometimes prescribed medication along with therapy is necessary to help reduce symptoms.”

For those suffering the holiday blues, call The Providence Center at (401) 276 4020 or go to http://www.providence center.org.