Category Archives for Caregivers

Tale of Two Caregivers

Published October 5, 2012, Pawtucket Times

           Being a caregiver to an older parent while raising children has now become the new rite of passage for aging baby boomers who, by the millions, are moving into their middle age years and beyond. Often called the sandwich generation for having care responsibilities at both ends of the age spectrum, these individuals become emotionally challenged, physically drained in their attempts to cope and juggle a multitude of tasks.

             According to National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, more than 65 million persons, 29% of the nation’s population, provide care for a chronically ill, disabled, older family member or relative during any given year. The caregiver spends an average of 20 hours per week providing care for their loved ones.

 Taking on New Care giving Responsibilities

           Over seven years ago, Catherine Taylor, 51, the State’s Director of the Department of Elderly Affairs, and her husband, Rob, a practicing attorney, found themselves thrust into this new very demanding role with huge responsibilities. Like many others, the couple took on the demanding role of being caregivers of an elderly parent while juggling the intense domestic demands of taking care of four children, whose ages ranged from 3 years old to age 15.

           The Providence couple was now sharing the care of a very independent 83-year-old widow, who at that time resided in her home in Connecticut, one that she had designed. The older woman still continued to practice as an architect until her health began to rapidly steep decline.    

          In 1995, “We moved her back to Rhode Island six months before she died when she became too infirm to live independently in her home,” remembered Catherine.  

        Catherine wanted her mother-in-law to move in with her family, “but she was just too independent for that,” she said.  Her husband’s mother would ultimately choose to live out her final days in an apartment at a senior living facility on Providence’s Eastside, near the Taylor’s home. 

         As is the case with many caregivers who relocated their loved ones to live close by, packing, scheduling the move, and getting the Connecticut house ready for sale became the first chore of being a caregiver, notes Catherine.   

         According to Catherine, becoming a caregiver while working and raising a large family was incredibly hectic. “Many times we had to be in two or three places at one time,” each day.  Catherine adjusted her work schedule to help her mother-in-law with activities of daily living such as dressing, assisting in going to the bathroom, and feeding, take her to the emergency room or stay with her in the hospital, while wanting to be at home cooking her family dinner, and helping her children do their homework.

 Tips on Coping for Caregivers

            The couple juggled their roles as parents, caregivers and employees as best they could.  For instance, “our oldest child would be charged with watching his younger siblings”, Catherine says.  When visiting her mother-in-law to cook and assist her with eating, Catherine brought the youngest along to the senior living facility, and placed him in a portable playpen next to the kitchen table. Catherine, her husband and his sister, would divvy up cooking chores, each one take responsibility for making either breakfast, lunch or dinner.

           Supplemental care, provided by a home health aide, was especially needed when the aging baby boomer couple had to be at work.   

          While taxing for the entire family, care giving did have a positive impact on Catherine’s children.  “It really impressed on them how our family pulled together,” she said, noting “that it made them feel useful because they had specific jobs to perform to keep the family running.”    

           When asked if she got enough respite care for herself, Catherine quipped, “I never get enough!”  She added, “For us being part of a large nuclear family, also having a large extended family, we were able to trade off with each other.  But a lot of people don’t have that option,” she notes.  One of the hardest things about being a primary caregiver is how alone you can feel, Catherine said. “You’re living a different life from most other people.  You watch other families make snap decisions to go to the movies, and just hop in their car and go.  For you to do the same thing, the logistics tend to be like the invasion of Normandy.  You just have to go through so much organizing to have simple pleasures that other people don’t think twice about”.

          “Most family caregivers look like they are doing fine and think they are doing fine, but family, friends and neighbors, and sometimes community agencies, need to check in and give them a break so they care recharge their batteries.”

          Catherine suggests that caregivers maintain their relationships with friends and colleagues as hard as that is to do so they will look in on you, stop by for coffee, bring you dinner and help recharge you.  “This will allow you to keep doing your care giving job with love.”

 Double Duty as a Caregiver

          Sixty-four-year-old, Kathy Heren, Rhode Island’s Long-Term Care Ombudsman, a licensed practical nurse and caregiver, and her husband, John, 63, a chef, slipped into the care giving in the mid-1990s, watching out for two elder family members at the same time, a 72-year- old mother and her 78-year-old uncle.

          Both frail relatives (one had dementia and the other a heart condition) lived independently in their homes located in East Providence and on the Eastside. “Being Irish, they were both very stubborn in accepting assistance,” the aging advocate remembered. While professionally helping others cope with care giving and long-term care issues, Rhode Island’s Ombudsman had to carve out time to personally perform chores for her two frail family members. Chores included shopping, paying bills, and cleaning their houses.   Scheduling and transportation to doctor appointments and med management took additional time away from her very demanding job and family duties.

            When dealing with her Mother’s finances became just too difficult, Kathy, along with her sister, filed for guardianship.  “If you realize that there are some things you just can’t control, then seek outside services or assistance,” she recommended.  

           “Depending on personality of the person you are taking care of you may have to just step away from being a caregiver, if it impacts on your health,” she says.  “It may become the right time to turn to a nursing home or home care services, to take care of your frail family member.”

           “Make sure you turn to respite care if needed because it is always available”, Kathy suggests.  “You need to know when to seek out this assistance and go on a trip to recharge your batteries. When taking care of your loved one, do not forget your own health, family, or nutrition,” she says. .

 Seeking Respite Care Programs

             Rhode Island will receive $250,000 under the federal Lifespan Respite Care Act to support families caring for aging or disabled individuals with special needs, increasing access to short-term, or respite care. This relief offers family members temporary breaks from the daily routine and stress of providing care to loved ones with special needs.

             You can get information about respite care programs and resources available to care givers by calling by calling the Rhode Island Department of Human Services, Division of Elderly Affairs at (401) 462-3000, or you can go to www.dea.ri.gov. TTY users can call (401) 462-0740.

             The Rhode Island State Ombudsman, at the Alliance for Better Long-Term Care, monitors the quality of the Rhode Island’s nursing homes, assisted living facilities, home health agencies and hospice services, and address issues of elder abuse, guardianship, neglect and financial exploitation.  For more information, call  (401)785-3340.

             Herb Weiss is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer covering aging, health care and medical issues.

 

Caregivers Must Not Forget Their Own Needs

Published June 8, 2012, Pawtucket Times

           It seems that every where I turn these days, friends, and business colleagues, are being thrust into care giving roles for older family members or spouses.  In today’s hectic world, aging baby boomers and seniors who are now taking on this late-life role can find this new task very demanding and stressful.

            According to the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, most aging baby boomers will become informal caregivers at some time during their lives. During any given year, there are more than 65 million Americans (29% of the nation’s population) who provide unpaid care for a chronically ill, disabled, or older family member or relative during any given year.  The caregiver spends an average of 20 hours per week providing care for their loved ones.

            Statistics paint a very detailed picture of the typical family caregiver.  She is a 49-year old, married female who is employed and cares for her 69-year old widowed mother who does not live with her.  Over 66 percent of the nation’s caregivers are women.  More than 37 percent have children or grandchildren 18-years or younger living with them.

The Importance of Taking Care of Yourself

            Connie Goldman, award winning radio producer and reporter whose books have given her readers insights, inspiration, and motivation for personal growth in their mid-life and beyond, sees continuing need for support and services for middle-aged caregivers. 

            Goldman, who authored The Gifts of Caregiving – Stories of Hardship, Hope and Healing, believes the secret of being a successful caregiver is to first take good care of yourself.  Although her book was first published over a decade ago the personal stories that family caregiver have shared continue to offer comfort, insights, and inspiration. Many will benefit from reading the compilation of 30 stories of caregivers who tell their  personal stories of taking care of an ill, disabled or aging loved one.  Goldman notes all of these remarkable people cope with adversity in ways that leave us wondering: “Could I measure up to the challenge?” Most importantly, each of their stories reveals how the hardships of caregiving can be turned into a journey of hope and self-discovery,” she says.

           In her timeless book, Goldman’s interviews include: Dana Reeve (wife of the late actor Christopher Reeve), former First Lady Rosalynn Carter, Pulitzer Prize-winning author Studs Terkel, and others whose lives were forever changed by their care giving experience. There are also personal experiences told by many whose names you won’t recognize, yet their stories offer personal insights that can nurture and nourish   caregivers of any age.

            “Taking on the commitment as a family caregiver opens the door to frustration, irritation, indecision, fear, guilt and stress,” says Goldman, so the caregiver must take care of themselves first. Goldman notes that a mantra she often suggest to post on your mirror, refrigerator, or anywhere else to remind yourself  that you must “Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.”  It is well known that caregivers often lose sleep, don’t eat properly, don’t take breaks, and don’t believe they matter as much as the person who they’re providing care for, she adds.  “Caregivers very often put themselves and their needs last on the list. To be the best caregiver you can be you must care for yourself”.

             According to Goldman, you can be a better, more efficient caregiver if you get enough sleep, eat regular meals, and make a plan to get relief for some period of each day. “I know caregivers are often reluctant to ask a friend to fill in at home while you go to have your hair set, or meet a friend for lunch, or go for a walk in the park. Yet an hour or two away can nourish a caregiver for the next 24 hours,” she says.

             Goldman suggests that caregivers can care for themselves by attending regular support groups, sharing with a friend three things that went right during a day (when everything seems going wrong), or taking a hot bath, reading a magazine, spending a bit of  time in your garden, taking a short nap, or eating a chocolate bar!   It’s often the little things that count in surviving each day and the challenges of being an aging baby boomer caregiver or taking on the caregiver role at any age.  

 Taping into Resources…

             It is difficult for many caregivers navigate the long-term care system to find the most appropriate programs and services to keep their loved ones at home.  According to the Rhode Island Department of Human Services, Division of Elderly Affairs, the National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) might just provide that crucial information for caregivers.  The Kensington, Maryland-based clearing house (at www.nfcacares.org) offers information on a variety of topics including, stress and family caregiving, caregiver advocacy, care management techniques, support groups, communication with health care professionals, reaching out for help, and other issues.  For more information about the books written by Connie Goldman, go to www.congoldman.org your local bookstore or Amazon.com

            Herb Weiss is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer who covers aging, health care and medical issues.  His Commentaries appear in two daily newspapers, The Pawtucket Times and Woonsocket Call.

The Best Of…Keeping Tabs on Your Wandering Parent

Published August 20, 2008, All Pawtucket All The Time          

           With the graying of Rhode Island’s population, a growing number of aging baby boomers are now taking care of their elderly parents who reside in their homes.  Adult children are often juggling professional careers and family responsibilities while spending countless of hours each week making sure their elderly parents needs are taken care of such as getting them to doctor’s appointments, taking them grocery shopping, assisting in house hold chores, or bringing them to family events.

            In recent months this writer discovered several close friends are dealing with parents facing these very issues – perhaps compounded with early stages of dementia or Alzheimer’s.  Often times the grown children suffer in silence – balancing the daily burdens of their own lives – while steadfastly tending to their parents care and needs, a very time consuming task especially if the older parent is frail or becomes confused and wandering.                                                                                                                                                                                

 Wandering a Common Occurrence

            This “care giving” life-stage experience is not uncommon, especially with approximately 25,000 Rhode Islanders who are afflicted with Alzheimer’s.  According to Elizabeth Morancy, President of the Alzheimer’s Association, Rhode Island Chapter, about 70% of people with dementia reside at home in the community    She estimates that six out of 10 people with Alzheimer’s will “wander” to some degree.

            Morancy notes that “wandering” occurs when a person with dementia becomes missing – where an individual becomes lost after leaving their home.  The restless individual may actually leave having a purpose or goal in mind, maybe he or she might search for an item that was lost, look for a child, or try to fulfill a former job responsibility.

            “Even situations that seem harmless to us can become dangerous, even fatal to the Alzheimer’s person,” Morancy notes.  Because a confused person does not panic not realizing their dangerous predicament of walking onto a highway or into woods, a very dangerous even a very life threatening, situation occurs, she says.

The ABCs of Reducing Wandering

            According to Morancy, wandering can be reduced by following a few tips. Movement and exercise can reduce behavior, agitation and restlessness (causes for this negative behavior).  Make sure that all basic needs, such as toileting, nutrition and thirst, are met.  Involve the person with dementia in performing daily activities like folding laundry or making dinner.  Color-matching cloth over door knobs can effectively camouflage the hardware. A black rectangle on the floor placed inside the door way can become a visual barrier, keeping the wanderer inside.  By placing a mirror near a doorway, a reflection of the person’s face will often keep the individual from opening the door and leaving the house.   

             Even simple actions like rigging an alarm by hanging tin cans from a door with string or using door locks the confused person can not operate work effectively, too, Morancy says.

             Morancy adds that one of the most effective ways of reducing wandering is to register the person with Alzheimer’s or dementia in Alzheimer’s Association’s MedicAlert + Safe Return Program.  It operates through local police departments and other emergency responder agencies working with Alzheimer’s Association chapters across the country.  The government-funded initiative has a national information and photo database.  It operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week, with a toll free crisis line. .        

            Once registered, when a person with dementia wanders or becomes lost, a phone call immediately activates a community support network that works together to reunite the lost person with their caregivers.  Once the wandering individual is found, an identification product on the wanderer provides law officials with information to contact the caregiver.  The nearest Alzheimer’s Association office provides support during the rescue efforts.  Medical information is immediately available if needed.

             MedicAlert + Safe Return Program needs to be tweaked, say Morancy.  “The initiative is not yet pro-active. Although the registration helps identify the person who wears an identity bracelets or necklace or carries wallet identity card (noting an 800 toll free number) because the identity information enables caregivers to ultimately be contacted, this is just after the fact,” she says. “There is no universal system that will track down persons while they are lost.

             However, in other states, Project Lifesaver, administered by the local sheriff departments, utilizes a tracking mechanism.  However, its high cost decreases its use throughout the nation. .

             Initiatives like MedicAlert + Safe Return and Project Lifesaver have been instrumental in returning wanders to the safe home environments.  These programs are crucial to aging baby boomers who work hard to successfully keep their confused parent at home rather than to institutionalize them. The incidence of physical harm and death increases if a person is not found within a 24 hour period.

             Care giving can be a stressful chore.  Programs like MedicAlert + Safe Return can make it just a little easier.  For more information about this Program, call 800 272-3900.

             Herb Weiss is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer covering aging, medical and health care issues. The article was published in the August 20, 2008 issue of All Pawtucket All the Time.  He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.