Coping with the Holiday Blues

Published December 14, 2012, Pawtucket Times

Chestnuts roasting in your fireplace, green wreaths with red ribbons and brightly colored lights on decorated evergreen trees may elicit pleasant thoughts about the upcoming holidays; however, these thoughts might just tear open old wounds and bring to the surface bad memories, triggering stress, tension and even depression.

Not every family gathering with your parents, siblings, children, or grandchildren will be as serene as a Norman Rockwell painting. Of course, everyone has heard horror stories involving holiday family gatherings.

Surviving the Stress of Family Visits

Allison Bernier, LICSW, Associate Director of Wellness Employment and Network Services, at the Providence Center, notes that while the holiday season can be a time of family celebration, joy, and companionship for many people, it can also be a very stressful time. “High expectations, disrupted routines, dealing with loss or separation from loved ones, financial strain, and time constraints can all exacerbate anxiety and depression,” she says.

Bernier, who has 15 years under her belt employed as a Social Worker, who now provides one-to-one counseling to clients for the past six years, provides common sense tips as to how to survive stress that can be ignited by holiday family gathering.

Fighting holiday blues can be as simple as being prepared for family conflicts and having a specific plan to handle the uncomfortable emotions that may arise, notes Bernier. Creating a list of “potential issues” and “role playing how you will react with people you trust” can be effective ways to survive difficulties that might occur, she says.

“It is okay to know that you don’t have to be happy during the holidays,” states Bernier, stressing “just accept your feelings and the place where you are at.” If needed, just reach out to your network of family or friends or contact a professional, she recommends.

According to Bernier, when expectations are unrealistic, we almost always will fail to meet them. Scale back on your plans, or ask for help Just keep your expectations low and when you visit family or friends, just go and enjoy the social interactions, she says.

If seeing family causes you great amounts of stress each year, it is alright to say no sometimes and celebrate with friends, Bernier recommends. If you don’t want to withdraw from your family gathering because of tension, you don’t have to, she says. “Just keep your visit time-limited,” she recommends, only going for an hour or two rather than spending all day at the event.

The holidays can easily become a source of stress, especially when you’re standing in long lines at the local mall waiting to buy the last available iPad while trying to remember how much money you have left to use on your credit cards. Writing out a gift list along with creating a budget for holiday spending can help decrease anxiety, too, Bernier notes. By setting spending limits you will also reduce the anxiety that comes with reviewing your post-holiday credit card bills.

Maintaining healthy habits can also take the blues out of your holiday, predicts Bernier. Enjoy some eggnog, cheese cake or pastries at a holiday party, but keep the balance by eating healthy foods (smaller portions), drinking alcohol in moderation, continuing to exercise and getting enough rest.

Coping with Holiday Depression

Besides family stress, other factors may well play into bringing on the holiday blues.

During this time of the year, some Rhode Islanders may even feel a little depressed or have suicidal thoughts with the approaching upcoming festive holidays, especially if they have lost a spouse and friends, are unemployed, experiencing painful chronic illnesses, or just feel isolated from others.

If this happens, “feeling low with nowhere to turn” as noted singer songwriter Bill Withers says is a public service announcement, there is a place to call – The Samaritans of Rhode Island – where trained volunteers “are there to listen.” Incorporated in 1977, the Pawtucket-based nonprofit program is dedicated to reducing the occurrence of suicide by befriending the despairing and lonely throughout the state’s 39 cities and towns.

Since the inception, The Samaritans has received more than 500,000 calls and trained more 1,380 volunteers to answer its confidential and anonymous Hotline/Listening Lines.

With the first Samaritan branch started in England in 1953, chapters can now be found in more than 40 countries of the world. “Samaritans, can I help you?” is quietly spoken into the phone across the world in a multilingual chorus of voices,” notes its web site.

Executive Director, Denise Panichas, of the Rhode Island branch, notes that the communication-based program teaches volunteers to effectively listen to people who are in crisis. Conversations are free, confidential and, most importantly, anonymous.

A rigorous 21-hour training program teaches volunteers to listen to callers without expressing personal judgments or opinions. Panichas said that the listening techniques called “befriending,” calls for 90 percent listening and 10 percent talking.

Panichas noted The Samaritans of Rhode Island Listening Line is also a much needed resources for caregivers and older Rhode Islanders.

Other services include a peer-to-peer grief Safe Place Support Group for those left behind by suicide as well as community education programs.

In 2011, The Samaritans of Rhode Island received more than 7,000 calls and hosted more than 50,000 visitors to its website.

The Samaritans of Rhode Island can be the gateway to care or a “compassionate nonjudgmental voice on the other end of the line,” Panichas notes. “It doesn’t matter what your problem is, be it depression, suicidal thoughts, seeking resources for mental health services in the community or being lonely or just needing to talk, our volunteers are there to listen.”

For persons interested in more information about suicide emergencies, The Samaritans website, http://www.samaritansri.org, has an emergency checklist as well as information by city and town including Blackstone Valley communities from Pawtucket to Woonsocket.

Professional Galley and Gift Shop Supports Program and Services

In December 2011, The Samaritans began a social venture, by relocating to the City of Pawtucket’s Arts & Entertainment District, and opening the Forget-Me-Not Gallery and Community Education Center. Through partnerships with Rhode Island’s fine arts and crafts community, “we hope to foster hope, inspiration and commemoration of the lives of our loved ones who have fallen victim to suicide,” stated Panichas.

At the Forget-Me-Not Gallery, no sales taxes are charged on one-of-a-kind pieces of art work. The gallery also is a retail site for Rhode Island-based Alex and Ani jewelry and other giftware.

For those seeking to financially support the programs of The Samaritans of Rhode Island, its Gallery and Education Center is available to rent for special events, meetings and other types of occasions. For information on gallery rental, call the Samaritans business line at 401-721-5220; or go to http://www.samaritansri.org.

Need to Talk? Call a volunteer at The Samaritans. Call 401.272.4044 or toll free in RI (1-800) 365-4044.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12 is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer who covers health care, aging, and medical issues. He can be contacted at hweissri@aol.com.

Santaniello Gets AARP’s Most Prestigious Award

Published in Pawtucket Times, December 6, 2013

Look for hundreds of AARP members to gather today at this year’s Andrus Awards noon luncheon at the West Valley Inn, in West Warwick, to recognize their own, at the aging group’s annual Andrus Awards ceremony.

Norma Santaniello, 81, gets the Rhode Island AARP Chapter’s most prestigious volunteer award for age 50 and older volunteers, that is the 2013 AARP Rhode Island Andrus Award for Community Service. It’s the aging advocacy groups most visible state volunteer award for community service

“This award acts as a symbol to the public that we can all work together for positive social change,” states . “AARP has long valued the spirit of volunteerism and the important contributions volunteers make to their communities, neighbors, and the programs they serve.”

Connell says the North Providence resident has worked with the nonprofit’s chapters and community partners, reinforcing the organization’s strategic priorities and being a voice to the public. “She is a strong advocate for community service and works with the volunteers on projects such as the RI Community Food Bank and at various health and fitness fairs.”

Santaniello follows a very distinguished group of award recipients. Previous Andrus Award winners are Sarah Gauvin, Virginia Tierney, Anna Prior, Ann Gardella, Melvoid Benson, John O’Hara, Rita Wood, Ed Drew, Richard Ryan, Jorge Cardenas and Catherine Graziano

The December 6 Andrus Awards Luncheon is very festive and upbeat regardless of “what is going wrong in the world or otherwise leaving us feeling unsettled,” says Connell, noting that she looks forward to attending this annual event because “it is a time to acknowledge volunteerism and public service on many levels.

AARP Rhode Island’s Andrus Awards Luncheon allows the organization to recognize people for their community service throughout the year. “It is indeed an honor to know each and every one present, along with many who are absent,” notes Connell, stressing that they represent an “even greater network of volunteers and advocates who carry on Ethel Percy Andrus’s dream of a productive and fulfilling life for people whose knowledge, passion and energy remains indispensable in our neighborhoods and in towns and cities all across our great state.”

AARP Award Recognizes Ethel Percy Andrus’s Advocacy

According to Connell, her group’s top award is given to recognize and honor AARP founder Ethel Percy Andrus, she “embodies all that AARP stands for. Once Andrus retired in 1944 from her position as Los Angeles high school principal in 1944, she stepped into a new career, one that ultimately would have a major impact on the nation. “She became an activist and organizer on behalf of other retirees and older Americans, fighting to improve their financial security, their health care and other services that they need, says AARP Rhode Island’s State Director.

The former long-time educator, who served as the first woman high school principal in California, never married and was childless, had retired so that she could care for her mother, who was in poor health. Despite decades of working, Andrus was entitled to a pension of just $60 a month, around $750 in today’s dollars. She had enough money to financially survive, but she realized that many of her older colleagues were not so fortunate, living off incredibly small pensions.

For Andrus, her commitment to become a change agent for society was fueled by learning the indignity faced by a former colleague due to lack of retirement income was forced to live in a chicken coop in a small town outside Los Angeles. This led to Andrus to become active in the California Retired Teachers Association and in 1947 she founded the National Retired Teachers Association. This group would ultimately lead to the creation of AARP in 1958, now considered the nation’s largest aging advocacy group.

Connell notes that Andrus worked to shift the nation’s perception of aging. As she once explained, “Old age is not a defeat, but a victory, not a punishment, but a privilege.” The aging advocate urged her fellow retirees “to be as active as possible — to pursue new passions, to travel and see the world, and, most of all, to continue to use the skills and experience developed over a lifetime to serve their communities.”

The Ojai, California resident continued to work long hours and travel to promote AARP until her death from a heart attack at age 83 in 1967, the same year that membership in AARP reached 1 million. Today, AARP’s membership serves over 40 million older people.

Like the AARP Rhode Island Chapter, recipients across the nation are to receive the distinguished award, named for Andrus, recognizing their ability to enhance the lives of AARP members and prospective members, improve their community or for which the work was performed, and the inspiration they give other volunteers.

Empowering Seniors

For 29 years, juggling a demanding job that provided administrative support for Providence School Principals combined with raising two young children left Santaniello with little time after hours to join community organizations. One year shy of age 60, she would take retirement, noting that “I had worked long enough, had a pension, and just wanted to do different things.”

Santaniello remembers her volunteer work began when she was invited to join the State Legislative Committee some 18 years ago. The retired Providence School Department employee, joined the AARP North Providence Chapter taking the helm of its Legislative Committee, ultimately being appointed to AARP Rhode Island’s State Legislative Committee. In these positions she has written numerous letters to Congressional lawmakers on aging advocacy issues and has testified many times on Smith Hill before the General Assembly on a multitude of aging issues, including care giver issues, long-term care, Social Security, and fair market pricing for prescription drugs.

As the years rolled by, Santaniello would continue to put her energy into her AARP duties. But, she also would find time to teach fifth graders about religion at her local parish, the Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary in North Providence, serve as a board member for Marieville’s Community Police program and to even became certified to be on FEMA’s Emergency Response Team in the Ocean State. That’s not all.

Santaniello is actively involved in the Department of Elderly Affairs’ Senior Help Insurance program, assisting seniors to get the best insurance plan for their specific needs. “Right now I am very concerned about United Health Care dropping physicians,” she says.

Besides receiving the Andrus Award, Santaniello notes she has also accumulated a few others over the years. She received the AARP Rhode Island’s Outstanding Team member Award in both 2000 and 2004 and the nonprofit group’s Life Time Chapter Education Award in 2010.

With today’s luncheon ceremony in her thoughts, Santaniello admits, “it’s quite an honor, getting the highest award that AARP can bestow.” She seems amazed that one should get this award for just doing something you like. “Obviously, if I did not enjoy what I was doing I would not have been around so long,” she says.

As to staying active in her early eighties, Santaniello hopes that her older friends will find volunteer activities that are worthwhile to invest their time and energy. “We just have to know what is going [in the world] or we will fade away, she said.

Like Santaniello, older Rhode Islanders might consider following her very active life style. Become a volunteer in your community. According to the Washington, DC-based Corporation for National & Community Service, a growing body of research details that older volunteers have lower mortality rates, less depression, fewer physical limitations and higher levels of well-being. Older volunteer’s can tackle community problems, making the world a better place for their children and grandchildren. Being a volunteer might just well be your fountain of youth.

At today’s Andrus Awards noon luncheon, here are other AARP members who will be recognized for the 2013 Volunteer Leader of the Year: Advocacy; Doris Haskins (Advocacy): Julia Valles (Community Presence); Lourdes Pichardo (Maria Matias Award); Susan Sweet (Advocacy Education); and Jorge Cardenas (Volunteer Engagement).

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a Pawtucket writer who covers aging, health care and medical issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

Job Hunting No Easy Chore as You Grow Older

Published in the Pawtucket Times, November 29, 2013

Last Friday, the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics brought bad news to over 57,000 job-less Rhode Islanders. According to the federal agency, Rhode Island’s unemployment rate of 9.2 percent is the nation’s second highest, followed by Nevada’s rate that is one percent higher. Compare this to 7.3 percent, the national jobless rate for that month.

When hearing about the Ocean State’s national distinction of having one of the highest unemployment rates among fifty states, Henry Rosenthal, an Oak Hill, Pawtucket resident since 1955, who has been unemployed for 16 months, called it a “real disgrace. The dismal statistics released only confirmed what the older job hunter personally knows from sending out hundreds of resumes, it’s an extremely tough job market.

Older Job Seeker Can’t Find Work

But, to make matters worse, 63-year-old Rosenthal, and other aging baby boomers, will bluntly tell you that age discrimination is derailing their efforts of finding meaningful work that pays a decent wage and benefits.

Even if you totally believe that your age keeps you from getting a job, it is not always easy to sue because it is tough to prove, says Rosenthal.

In April 2012, his Dallas-based employer downsized, which led to Rosenthal losing his sales job of selling loan origination software to banks. Throughout his 45 year employment career, he had a very stable employment record. He only recalls two other jobs that were lost due to his lack of seniority when corporate mergers occurred.

Rosenthal, a graduate of Temple University, had always been able to find a new position quickly when losing a job because of his “skill set and previous work experience,” he says.

But today things are different.

Rhode Island’s puttering economy has kept Rosenthal from easily landing a new position. In the few times he was able to get his foot in the door for an interview, he was told afterwards that he was “perfectly qualified” for the position, in some instances even over-qualified, but ultimately he received no job offer.

“I honestly believe that jobs have not been offered to me because of age,” charges Rosenthal, who believes that ”younger people who oversee the hiring tend to be intimated with the older job applicants and feel threatened.”

Although it is against federal law [The Age Discrimination in Employment Act of 1967] to ask applicants how old they are, “it’s easy to figure out how old a person is,” notes Rosenthal. “By asking when you graduated high school and college a company can figure out your age,” he says.

It’s About Who You Know

During his ongoing job search, Rosenthal quickly realized that in many cases it might just take a personal relationship in a company to get an interview. With all of his previous employers based either across the nation or located all over the world, he has very few contacts with the local business community, he notes.

“Unless you get a direct reference or have a personal connection with a potential employer, they just might hire a younger applicant because they can pay less money or think they won’t take time off because of health issues,” he quips.

“Research findings will tell you that older workers are more responsible and loyal than their younger colleagues, and have a better work ethic, too,” Rosenthal is quick to say. Don’t believe that older workers take more time off then younger employees, he adds.

As Thanksgiving approaches, Rosenthal keeps plugging along sending out resumes hoping to reel in that full-time job. With being two years shy of age 65, he says, “I am just not interested in retiring because I don’t have enough hobbies or interests to keep me busy.”

Like many other long-term unemployed Rhode Islanders, Rosenthal just tries to keep the faith, realizing that “sooner or later something will turn up. To survive, “you don’t look backward you just look forward.”

What Some Polls Say

It seems that Rosenthal is not alone in his belief that age can make a job search more challenging to find full-time employment. According to an Associated Press-NORC Center poll results, detailed in “Working Longer: Older Americans’ Attitudes on Work and Retirement,” 55 percent of those 50 and over who searched for employment in the past five years viewed their search as difficult, and 43 percent thought employers were concerned about their age.

The poll found that 69 percent of the older job seekers reported few available jobs 63 percent say the jobs did not pay well, nor did they offer good benefits (53 percent). Around one-third of the respondents were told they were over qualified [like Rosenthal].

But the October 2013 poll also revealed that some employers do value older workers. Forty three percent of the older respondents seeking employment in the last five years say they encountered a high demand for their skills, and 31 percent say there was a high demand for their experiences.

According to the poll’s findings, “unemployed people aged 45 to 54 were out of work 45 weeks on average, those 55 to 64 were jobless for 57 weeks and those 65 and older an average of 51 weeks.”

Meanwhile, an AARP poll also released last month, found age discrimination “rampant” in New York City for those age 50 and over. The researchers found that when an aging baby boomer loses a job it may take them about 4 months longer than younger job seekers to find another one.

Forty eight percent of the survey respondents claim they either personally experienced age discrimination or witnessed it directed at a family member or friend who has turned fifty years old. Almost half of these respondents either personally or witnessed a person not being hired because of their age.

Increasing Your Odds of Finding Work

Kathy Aguiar, principal employment and training interviewer at West Warwick-based Network Rhode Island Career Center. agrees with Rosenthal’s personal observations and the above cited poll results that indicate that older job seekers can be blocked from gaining meaningful employment by age discrimination. However, Aguiar, who has 25 years of assisting Rhode Island’s unemployed get work, tells me that there are job hunting skills and techniques that you can use to increase your odds in finding that job.

“It’s not the 1980s and with a 9.3 percent unemployment rate you must change with the times,” urges Aguiar, stressing that the 80s way of writing a resume is totally outdated today.

If your resume is not formatted correctly, computer systems, called Applicant Tracking Systems, won’t identify you as a potential candidate, says Aguiar, who says that “75 percent of the applicants applying by internet will be thrown out of the selection process because of this problem.”

Applicant Tracking Systems will skip over employment history if you put that information under “career development” instead of “work experience,” on your resume, adds Aguiar. “Always put the company’s name first, followed by job title, and employment dates.”

Aguiar warns applicants not to save resumes as PDF files because Applicant Tracking Systems cannot read this documents. Save it on a word file, she recommends.

Today, one resume does not fit all, notes Aguiar. Especially in Rhode Island you have to target your resume to the position you are seeking. You have to revise your resume to the position you are seeking. .

A well-written resume combined with using Social Media, including Linkedin, Facebook, and Twitter, and good networking skills can lead to a successful job search, adds Aguiar.

Finally, one of the best ways to get an interview and ultimately becoming gainfully employed is by finding someone within a company to be a personal reference. “Who you know is still important, especially in Rhode Island.” You may even get extra points when your resume is reviewed because of the internal reference, she says.

National polls tell us that ageism is running rampant in the employment sector. You can not deny its existence when you continue to hear stories from those age 50 and over unemployed family members, friends, neighbors, and acquaintances, who tell you about their frustrating and very challenging experiences of seeking gainful employment.

Only in this country do we not value the wisdom and knowledge that our elders provide us. It is time for a change in our thinking and attitudes.

If an employer is worried about his bottom line, just consider hiring an older worker. You will most certainly will get the bang for your buck by bringing in an aging baby boomer who is loyal, dependable, and brings a skill set and life experience that most certainly will benefit your company. To me, it’s a no brainer.

Herb Weiss LRI ’12, is a Pawtucket-based writer who covers aging, health care and medical issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com