Tag Archives for Thanksgiving Dinner

Talking political turkey during Thanksgiving dinner

Published in RINewstoday on November 25, 2024

We face increased demands of family obligations planning for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday. Baking and cleaning to host dinner, and even unrealistic expectations about our families, or having a dysfunctional family, can produce extra stresses, feelings of anxiety, isolation, and depression.  

Especially after this year’s presidential election that continued to polarize the nation, expect more holiday stress caused by political sparring at the dinner table.  Heated political conversations over the results of the recent presidential election, even debates over divisive policy issues like abortion, immigration, the economy, and health care can lead to family conflicts and boycotting the traditional holiday celebration. 

Just cruise the internet and you will find a popular meme that clearly illustrates the damage that can be caused by the discussion of politics at Thanksgiving or family gatherings.  “I just saved a ton of money on Christmas gifts discussing politics during Thanksgiving dinner,” says the meme, noting that it can be explosive at best and fracture family relationships. 

Post-Election stress creeping into Thanksgiving

Weeks after the 2024 presidential election, the stress of political disagreements continues to strain family dynamics just in time for Thanksgiving. According to Gray News, a new survey from Raleigh, North Carolina-based Spruce reveals how post-election tension threatens to derail the holiday season, with families feeling emotionally exhausted from political debates. 

The Spruce survey looked at 2,000 people across all 50 U.S. states, equally split among men and women. Adults aged 25-65 who regularly celebrate Thanksgiving were surveyed, says the statement announcing its findings.

“Elections stir deep emotions, especially when they tap into our fears and values,” says Tony Spencer, CEO and family relationship expert at Spruce. “Left unmanaged, post-election stress can create rifts that spill over into personal relationships, making Thanksgiving feel like a political battleground. But with a bit of intentional effort, we can shift the focus back to what really matters—family,” he says.

According to Spruce’s recently released survey, 64% of respondents reported that election-related stress is affecting their holiday planning and 59% say they are worried about political disagreements causing tension at their Thanksgiving gatherings.

The survey findings note that 52% admitted to already having arguments with family members about political differences since the election. While 32%  are looking forward to discussing politics, 68% of respondents want to avoid politics talk completely this Thanksgiving. Moreover, 49% want to have a total politics conversation ban for all guests and family members.

Boycotting the family dinner is an option for some to reduce family tension.  Twenty-three percent are even considering skipping Thanksgiving altogether to avoid family stress.

When the dust settled after the election, supporters of the winning and losing candidates were stressed out.  Fifty two percent say President-elect Trump supporting family members are the source of their election and Thanksgiving anxiety, while 48% say VP Kamala Harris supporting family members cause them anxiety. About equal.

Finally, the survey found that 63% plan to set boundaries around political discussions. With the right strategies, families can still preserve the holiday spirit.

Practical strategies to preserve the Holiday spirit

“This year’s holidays may be uncomfortable because so many people either are going to love or hate the election results. It will be hard to ignore the election over Thanksgiving because it is so recent and people still feel so intensely about the results,” said Darrell M. West is a senior fellow in Governance Studies at the Brookings Institution and a former professor at Brown University.

“There should be no gloating or ‘I told you so’ over the holidays” says West, this reducing family antagonism. “Winners should be gracious and understand their gal/guy won and they shouldn’t rub the noses of opponents into the ground. Those on the losing side probably want to avoid detailed discussions of politics,” he says, suggesting that there should be informal ceasefire rules in effect for the holidays with a cessation of hostilities for Thanksgiving. 

During her 45-year career as a licensed practicing psychologist in Los Angeles and at State College, Pennsylvania, Elaine Rodino, Ph.D., a fellow and former president of the American of the American Psychological Association’s division of psychologists in independent practice, has had a longstanding interest in the holiday blues and has helped many of her patients cope with this issue over the years. 

“It is a challenging year for families who are getting together for holidays who differ politically, says Rodino. Defusing tension can be as simple as asking guests to refrain from talking about politics and/or the election results, says Rodino.

“If you think your guests are going to have a difficult time “refraining” from talking about politics – make it a hard and fast RULE – “I would love for you to come to our dinner, but only if you will promise not to talk about or engage in any conversations about politics,” suggests Rodino.

Rodino warns Thanksgiving Day hosts to be alert during the dinner to conversations and if they hear any that seem to be approaching the forbidden topic intervene immediately and ask them to please stop or redirect the conversation.

Why not make a game or contest to see if people can refrain from talking about politics, says Rodino, or even charge a fine to anyone mentioning politics or the election. Prizes will be given to the winners and the losers will be asked to leave, she adds, noting that everyone would need to agree to these actions before coming.  Or, something like that.

Some may even be cancelling their Thanksgiving plans, notes Rodino. “This may not be the year to host/hostess a Thanksgiving gathering of politically different family and friends. Think about taking a weekend trip and skip the festivities this year,” she says.

No right or wrong answers

“If folks would prefer to avoid these topics and all can commit to holding their tongues, that’s perfectly reasonable,”  says Todd Schenk, an associate professor and chair of the Urban Affairs and Planning Program at Virginia Tech. “However, many families—like my own—can’t ever seem to avoid politics” he adds, noting that many want to have these conversations both because of their convictions and they want to understand their loved ones. That’s perfectly reasonable too. 

“Research strongly suggests that healthy discourse can foster empathy, and thus restore those relationships,” notes Schenk. “Whether its friends, family, neighbors, or beyond, political tension is, at least in part, about differences in values, interests, and priorities on important policy matters. While consensus is rarely easy and not always possible, healthy dialogue can help us to better understand the complexities associated with these issues and seek solutions that are more accommodating to various groups,” he says.  

“We often do want to persuade others, which is absolutely understandable. Persuasion is, however, typically a long-term process that requires sustained dialogue; it usually involves gaining a strong understanding of how those you are engaging with feel and, more importantly, why, and then working to find ways in which the position you are seeking to sway them to actually reflects their own values,” adds Schenk.  

Finally, Schenk shares the following six tips as to how we can talk to others at the Thanksgiving table who have differing political viewpoints.  

1) Start with the explicit acknowledgement that you both/all want to have the conversation in a healthy way. It might sound silly, but, especially if you think it could get heated, it can help to establish some informal ‘ground rules’ up front. These don’t have to be complicated, just things like ‘no interrupting’, ‘no personal attacks’, and ‘describe your own views but don’t make assumptions about others.  

2) This is really contextual, but certain times and places may be more or less conducive to healthy conversation than others. For example, you may want to avoid conversations in front of the cousins that you know are going to egg it on, or especially after a few glasses of wine, or in front of young children who may think the whole family is arguing, causing them great anxiety and concern.

 3) Aim to speak honestly about your reasons for holding a particular perspective, speaking from your own experience and perspective as much as possible.  

4)  Be ready to really listen, affirming that you hear what they are saying and asking probing questions (see active listening below).  

5)  Attempt to understand, rather than just persuade.  

6)  Remember that body language is important too.  

In Conclusion…  

Schenk quips, if all else fails, put plastic on the furniture and buckle up. ”In all seriousness, humor and charitableness can go a long way – I think it behooves us all to remember the bonds we have with those around the table with us and to start from that place,” he says.   

With Thanksgiving approaching, beat the Holiday Blues

Published on November 22, 2021 in RINewsToday

Just a year ago, the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic transformed the way we celebrated the traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Normally a personal gathering day with family and close friends, the cooler weather pushed people inside where the virus more easily spreads, forcing families to meet on Zoom for turkey dinner and catching up.

Today, COVID-19 vaccines have made it safer to bring families together to this annual holiday gathering. With the nation’s borders now open and 195 million Americans fully vaccinated and new travel guidelines in place, AAA predicts more than 53.4 million people are expected to travel to reunite with their loved ones, the highest single-year increase since 2005.

But like previous Thanksgiving celebrations, not every family gathering will be as serene as the one portrayed in Noman Rockwell’s iconic Freedom from Want painting that appeared in the March 6, 1943 issue of the Saturday Evening Post. Thoughts of attending the upcoming gathering might just tear open psychological wounds and bring to the surface bad memories, triggering stress, tension, and even depression.

Increased family demands and obligations that begin before Thanksgiving and continue through Christmas, and finally New Year’s Eve, can bring about the holiday blues, sad feelings specific to the holiday season. While there is no formal diagnosis of the holiday blues, these feelings are quite real for some people. Usually, it is felt by people who are going through the first holiday after a loss of a significant person in their life or a bad childhood memory from past the holidays. 

Holiday stresses brought about by last minute shopping for gifts, baking and cooking, cleaning and hosting parties, and even having unrealistic expectations can trigger depression. It can also bring about a feeling of malaise, tiredness, headaches, excessive drinking and overeating and even difficulty in sleeping.

COVID-19 and the Holiday Blues

At the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic there was less stress because people were not doing face-to-face gatherings, says Elaine Rodino, Ph.D., psychologist in private practice for over 41 years in California and Pennsylvania. “But it still came up because they were worried about Uncle Morrie showing up on Zoom,” she says.

The COVID-19 pandemic is overshadowing this year’s holiday season yet again, says Rodino, who is former president of the American Psychological Associations’ Division 46 (Society for Media Psychology & Technology), and Division 42 (Psychologists in Independent Practice), the Los Angles County Association, and the Central Pennsylvania Psychological Association.

“There’s plenty of mitigating news this year about inflation and how prices are higher on almost all items including Thanksgiving Day dinner. People having financial issues this year can let themselves feel better by realizing that they are not alone. Many people are suffering economically through no fault of their own,” Rodino says.

“We’ve been experiencing many new ways of having to think about things,” adds Rodino, urging people to “be flexible and find new ways to enjoy life with less dependence on material things.”

According to Rodino, preplanning your visit can be the best way to reduce holiday blues. “Give thought to what you’re expecting and determine if your expectations are valid or just wishful thinking. Then decide to literally “make the best of it” by focusing on the good things and the good reasons why you’re making this visit,” she advises.

Putting the Kibosh on Hot Topics at Dinner

What can you do to steer away from heated political debates or sensitive issues including “why aren’t you vaccinated?”

Stressful situations at Thanksgiving gatherings can be reduced if you give thought to what to expect in visiting with your relatives. “Plan ahead on how you’re going to avoid being taken down a rabbit hole of controversy. How are you are going to pivot away from conversations when you see them going in a dangerous direction?”  

Rodino adds, “Remember who they are and how they think. Since it’s only a limited time visit, try to remain neutral. Don’t try to change anyone’s thinking. Things usually go badly when people try to convince others to think the way they do. That never goes well.”

You can plan ahead about how you will handle these conversations. “Do not fight!  There will be no winner. Talk about sports, the weather (not climate change), how delicious the food is, even how cute the dog is,” recommends Rodino.

“It’s best to accept that everyone has their own opinions (even if some seem very bizarre). Just think to yourself that you will soon be going back to your own home. You do not need to try to convince anyone about anything,” adds Rodino.

“When feeling stress, it’s important to realize that it’s time limited. Take care of yourself, whether it’s exercising, taking a warm bath, or just taking a break and reading a book. “There needs to be just some time that you just check out from the holiday stress part,” she says.

The holiday blues should begin to fade away by the first couple of weeks in January, notes Rodino. “So, if people are still feeling that, like say the second, third week of January, then they really should talk with a psychologist, because there could be issues that really need to be sorted out and processed,” she says.

With the ongoing pandemic we need to create new ways of doing things, says Rodino, noting that “People need to become creative and think up new ways to celebrate.”

As to compiling other strategies to cope with the holiday blues, Rodino suggests Googling ideas for surviving the pandemic holidays. “There’s something there for everyone,” she says.

Depression and Suicidal Thoughts

During this time of year, some may even feel a little depressed or have suicidal thoughts. Losses of all types can weigh heavily on anyone, but loss from COVID-19 has tragically impacted on so many and we can now add the pandemic to the challenges many face along with unemployment, experiencing painful chronic illnesses, or just feeling isolated from others. Sometimes, you aren’t ready for professional help from a doctor or mental health professional. Sometimes, you just need someone to talk to.

Think about calling The Samaritans of Rhode Island – where trained volunteers “are there to listen.” Incorporated in 1977, the Pawtucket-based nonprofit program is dedicated to listening to those in need through its nonjudgment befriending hotline/listening line program serving all of the state’s 39 cities and towns.

Executive Director, Denise Panichas, of the Rhode Island branch, notes that the communication-based program teaches volunteers to effectively listen to people no matter the caller’s issues or status. “You don’t need insurance, you don’t need to be in crisis, you don’t need to be in professional care, you don’t need a diagnosis to call. Most importantly, conversations are free, confidential and anonymous.

And, Panichas notes, for those in professional care, Samaritan volunteers can  be there to listen when family, friends and professionals are not available.

Panichas noted The Samaritans of Rhode Island Listening Line is also a much-needed resources for caregivers and older Rhode Islanders. Caregiving is both rewarding but most caregivers don’t want to talk about the stress to family and friends. Caregivers don’t want to be a bother to anyone. Caregivers need to know, however, that they are never a bother to our Listening line volunteers.

This year, The Samaritans partnered with Rhode Island Meals on Wheels to share information about the availability of the Listening Line services to homebound seniors. Family members are encouraged to share The Samaritans telephone number with seniors who are family members living alone, or even for those seniors living in facilities – most have private phones and they can call, too.

The Samaritans of Rhode Island can be the gateway to care or a “compassionate nonjudgmental voice on the other end of the line,” Panichas notes. “It doesn’t matter what your problem is, be it depression, suicidal thoughts, seeking resources for mental health services in the community, or being lonely or just needing to talk, our volunteers are there to listen.”

Suicide prevention education is still a very important feature of the agency’s mission. For persons in need of more information about suicide emergencies, The Samaritans website, http://www.samaritansri.org, has an emergency checklist as well as information by city and town including Blackstone Valley communities from Pawtucket to Woonsocket.

Holiday giving to financially support the programs of The Samaritans of Rhode Island is always welcomed. Donations can be made online at its website or by mail to: The Samaritans of Rhode Island, P.O. Box 9086, Providence Rhode Island 02940.

Emergency? Call 911. Need to talk? Call a volunteer at The Samaritans. Call 401.272.4044 or toll free in RI (1-800) 365-4044.