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To the Class of 2022: Age boldly, enjoy your journey

Published in RINewsToday on May 16, 2022

According to Research.com, this year commencement speakers at colleges and universities in Rhode Island will impart their “pearls of wisdom“ to 19,782 graduating college seniors and their families. The usual commencement speech, traditionally about 10 minutes in length, offers simple tips and observations that, if taken, just might offer the young graduates a more rewarding personal and professional life ahead. Social media platforms and websites will quickly disseminate this sage advice given by well-known lawmakers, judges, television personalities and CEOs, to millions across the globe.

Globe columnist Dan McGowan gives his readers in the Rhode Map, the paper’s free newsletter about Rhode Island, a who’s who list of well-known commencement speakers that will gather at Rhode Island’s 12 Colleges and Universities to give the Class of 2022 advice on making their new journey in the world amidst the continuing COVID-19 pandemic causing sweeping societal changes in the workplace, health care, and social activity. 

McGowan’s detailed listing of “marquee names” delivering commencement speeches at Rhode Island’s colleagues and universities are:  

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi at Brown University; Emmy Award-winning actor and director Henry Winkler at  New England Institute of Technology; Human Resource Guru William J. Conaty at Bryant College; Rhode Island Governor Dan McKee at CCRI; Big East Commissioner Val Ackerman at Providence College;  Entrepreneur and Author Bruce Poon Tip, Founder of G Adventures; Miriam Hospital President Maria Ducharme at Rhode Island College, Deep Sea Explorer Robert Ballard noted for his work in undersea archeology at URI; Graphic designer, educator and Author Cheryl D. Miller at RISD; Navyn Salem, who founded the nonprofit Edesia, Inc. whose mission is to treat and prevent global malnutrition at Salve Regina; and Dr. Anthony Fauci, Chief Medical adviser to the president at Roger Williams University.

This year’s commencement speakers are very well-deserving of their honor to address Rhode Island’s graduating college seniors.  But if I had an opportunity to speak before the graduating class of 2022, here are my thoughts and tips I would give, centered on the importance of aging gracefully and boldly over your accumulating years, and they will accumulate faster than anyone could imagine.

Aging can be viewed as a life-long, unpredictable journey.  A slang phrase in Wikipedia sums up “a simple existential observation that life is full of unpredictable events. Over the years, you might have heard the phrase, “Shit Happens.” Many people choose to hold on to their fading youth, not wanting to look in the mirror to see wrinkles, sagging stomachs, and even gray hair.  They hold fiercely to their memories of the 1963 Pepsi Generation commercial that celebrated youth and active people.   

It’s so easy to say, accept and embrace your aging.  

You will be tempted to chase after prestige, power, the perfect relationship, or a high paying job.  I say being healthy is your most important possession you can have in your lifetime. Cherish it. Work towards it. URI Gerontologist Phil Clark once told me, “Use it or lose it. Stay as physically active as you can.”  “If you rest, you rust,” he says, noting that physical exercise elevates our mood and benefits our cardiovascular system, too. This conversation took place over 25 years ago, and I still remember this advice.  

Before the COVID-19 pandemic, a North Attleboro couple, Mark and Nancy Shorrock began dining daily, seven days a week, if their schedules permitted, at Spumoni’s Restaurant in Pawtucket.  Over the years, they developed personal relationships with around 30 couples who frequented the informal restaurant and bar. While not a support system, that informal group who knew each other innately, benefited the Shorrocks, and I would think all of the people who kept coming back as regularly as they did. 

The importance of being around others is documented in a 2017 national report. The Global Council on Brain Health (GCBH) report, released by AARP, cites strong scientific evidence that behavior changes and lifestyle habits can positively impact one’s brain health. It’s not uncommon for social networks to shrink as we age. “Research tells us that larger social networks may positively impact your health, well-being, even your cognitive functioning,” said Sarah Lock, AARP Senior vice president for Policy and GCBH Executive Director. 

So, as the decades fly by, work to maintain your social network of family and friends to maintain good cognitive functioning. And while you may build your on-line networks, do not overlook the greater importance of the in-person kind, those you break bread with, share what your children may be doing, or call just to hear a voice who knows a whole lot about you, without your even having to say it.      

Research also tells us that you can also reduce your risk of cognitive decline by exercising your brain. Take time in your busy day to read newspapers, magazines, and books, or even play a challenging crossword puzzle, build your vocabulary, learn a new skill, even play chess.

Being a volunteer can also be a protective buffer from the curve balls that life may throw at us as we age. “Volunteering can be medicine for the soul. It allows you to connect with other people, explore and remedy emerging community issues, make a difference as a caregiver or mentor and change lives. Volunteering is powerful and can define and redirect your life’s journey,” says Vincent Marzullo, who for 31 years served as RI’s National Service Director and still volunteers weekly at Hasbro Children’s Hospital.

When you require help, don’t be afraid to ask your family, friends or even professional colleagues for support and assistance. People will always go up the ladder of their careers, even down, too.  Take the opportunity to be there for not only people you know, but also strangers when they need a helping hand to jump-start their faltering personal relationships or professional careers. 

Time really does fly after you graduate college.  Don’t be afraid to pivot in your career – you may have spent 4 years or 8 years or many more studying and becoming an expert in a particular subject, but find your passion calls you to another career-path. Don’t be afraid to take the path that calls out the loudest for you. As you move into your middle or later years, view your life as a meaningful journey, living in the present, not tied to past experiences, nor possible future events. It’s the journey, not the end result, that you should focus on.

Amma, a well-known Hindu spiritual teacher, tells her millions of followers to view their life as a ‘canceled check.’ Let go of those past regrets, forgive yourself for those mistakes especially made in childhood and teenage years, more important those you made as you move into your middle or later years. Don’t regret passing up personal or professional opportunities, for others will follow, she says. Use your time on earth wisely; don’t waste it carrying the burdens of past guilt or personal grudges. Think about that.

View your life as being back in high school, learning from each positive and negative experience you encounter. When you confront life’s health, financial, and personal and professional challenges, keep a positive attitude. Don’t be overwhelmed by negative thoughts. Each day you will make daily choices as to how you will react to your problems. In these situations, you can either see the proverbial glass as either being “half-full” or “half-empty.” A positive attitude allows you to see a “half-full” glass, thus allowing you to successfully overcome the adversity.

As we grow older, we sometimes put too much energy into reflecting on our personal and professional defeats, being depressed on the “bad hands” we were dealt. Savor your victories, but always forgive yourself for your shortcomings and failures. Learning from your shortcomings and defeats will build a strong bridge to future successes.

Also, forgive others who have hurt you personally and professionally. You cannot live or reconcile your life peacefully if you are still holding onto grudges, anger, and bitterness, all tied to past relationships or negative employment experiences.

Writer Simon Kent tells us a powerful story about forgiveness in an article penned in 2013 on the Toronto Sun’s website. When Nelson Mandela’s National African party won the election that would end apartheid in South Africa, he forgave his white political foes, says Kent, noting that the power of forgiveness kept the black majority ruling party from seeking revenge.

According to Kent, at his 1994 inauguration, Prisoner 46664 — Nelson Mandela — had kept a seat set aside for a very special guest he wanted to witness his swearing-in as President, the highest office in the land. This person, one of his former jailers from Robben Island, where he was held for 18 years of hard labor. 

Why do we continue to hold anger, bitterness, and grudges against others? If Mandela can easily forgive his former jailor and a white society that kept his black brothers and sisters enslaved for centuries, why can’t you forgive others, too? 

Pass on your hard-earned wisdom. As you begin to accumulate more of life’s professional and personal experiences, share your story with others, especially those younger than you. By the time you reach your twilight years, you will have accumulated a huge reservoir of untapped wisdom gained from your life’s journey from making both good and bad decisions.  When taking on the new role of parent or grandparent, always continue to share your insights and lessons you have learned to your children and grandchildren.  The generations following you will lose out if you remain silent and keep your knowledge and history from them.

Get off the treadmill of life. Learn to slow down and enjoy the simple moments of your life. In her books and lectures, nationally-acclaimed author Connie Goldman, has stated that the simple act of watching a beautiful sunrise or sunset or even puttering around your garden can be as stimulating as a jam-packed calendar of activities.  

My final thought – nothing is guaranteed in life except death, taxes, and even, hopefully, growing old. So, Class of 2022, I urge you to make the most of your life that is just beginning to unfold before you. Don’t focus on the end result. Focus on the journey. Sometimes it is not the big things that you do that count, rather the simple daily acts of loving kindness you give to all those around you.  

Enjoy your new journey. Age boldly.

Paula Deen and Forgiveness

Published in the Pawtucket Times, June 28, 2013

This week nobody could escape the 24 hour news cycle reporting how American Celebrity Chef, Paula Deen, a product of her Southern upbringing, admitted that she had spoken a racially charged “N-word” decades ago. Once the dust settles, the nation will get to see if one of Savannah, Georgia’s most prominent residents can rehabilitate herself. Will she personally and professionally survive the swift backlash of the racial slur-controversy, or will the pubic respond to her tearful pleas for forgiveness and give her one last chance for redemption?

The Ugly “N-Word”

Deen now joins actors Mil Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Michael Richards (a.k.a., Kramer), reality TV stars, Dog the Bounty Hunter and hotel heiress Paris Hilton, along with musicians John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Jennifer Lopez, John Mayers, Eminem, even radio show host Dr. Laura Schlessinger who all stirred up the public’s wrath by uttering the “N-word.”

The 66-year-old former Food Network host, restaurateur, writer of cook books, actress and Emmy Award winning television personality, now suddenly finds her career unraveling, like many who have used the racially charged “N-word,” one of the most offensive words in the English language, a word that invokes ugly racial stereotypes.

The media reporting details of a May 17 deposition, resulting from a $1.2 million lawsuit filed by a former restaurant manager at the Uncle Bubba’s Oyster House, a Savannah, Georgia-based restaurant owned by Deen and her brother, created a public firestorm over her use of a very ugly word. Deen stated that she had used the “N-word” at times, decades ago, even detailing her plans to dress waiters at a 2007 wedding as slaves, “wearing long sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties.”

The Food Network quickly responded to news reports about announcing the dropping of her show, “Paula’s Home Cooking,” then announcing Deen’s contract would not be renewed next month. Later the Smithfield Foods, Inc., retail giant Wal-Mart, and Caesars Entertainment followed suit, severing ties with Paula Deen Entertainment.

Many of her business partners and sponsors, including Shopping Network CVC, which sells a line of her cookware, and Random House, publisher of her cook books, are monitoring the situation closely to determine their actions.

Trying to take control of an issue spiraling out of control, a teary Deen created two YouTube apology videos to offer her mea culpa for using racial slurs last week, also making a 13-minute appearance on Today with Matt Lauer on June 16 to address this controversy.

Public relations experts give mixed reviews as to how effective she was in reducing the negative impact on her brand and celebrity image using racial slurs. Deen’s salvation may well rest on the public’s short attention span and their desire to forgive, say the experts.

Circling the Wagons

Although Deen can not shake the financial impact of being politically incorrect, her fans are rallying behind her.

This week, thousands of irate Deen’s fans are rallying to support her by leaving their comments on the Food Network’s Face book page, to support the besieged celebrity chef, saying that the network moved too fast to oust her, even overreacting. Many viewed her sacking as political correctness run amuck, calling for her to be given a pass for the use of the “N-word.”

Just two days ago, a newly created “We Support Paula Deen” Face book page already has 418,452 Likes, with many loyal fan comments urging Deen’s sponsors to give her a second chance. Many noted that people make mistakes in life and who hasn’t told an inappropriate or off-color joke or used inappropriate words in private or with family.

Also, according to The Associated Press, civil rights leader Rev. Jesse Jackson has agreed to help Deen try to make amends for her past use of the “N-word,” saying she shouldn’t become a “sacrificial lamb” over the issue of racial intolerance. Dean had called him to seek his guidance as to how to recover, noted the news wire.

Bravo for Rev. Jackson, who says in this press report that if Deen is willing to acknowledge mistakes and make changes, “she should be reclaimed rather than destroyed.”

The Baptist minister who was a candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination in 1984 and 1988 and served as a shadow U.S. Senator for the District of Columbia from 1991 to 1997 says he’s more troubled by racial disparities in jobs, lending, health care, business opportunities and the criminal justice system.

Anne Rice, author of gothic fiction and Christian literature and erotic, best known for her popular and influential series of novels The Vampire Chronicles, joins Rev. Jackson in defending Deen.

On her Face Book Page, Rice says what is happening to Deen is “unjust,” comparing it to a “High Tech Execution,” a witch hunt and public burning that is a “horrible thing to witness.”

Furthermore, best-selling author, Rice, who has written 33 books, all novels except one personal memoir, quips, “It is all too easy to ‘hate’ a witch and join in the “fun” of a public execution, and to feel smug and superior and righteous for doing it. And that is what we are seeing now with Paula Deen. Pure ugliness. This is the very opposite of respect for the dignity of all persons.”

Finally, liberal Bill Maher even goes to bat for Deen on Real Time with Bill Maher in a recent episode on HBO.

The Power of Forgiveness

For those, like Deen, who have made terrible mistakes through their misjudgments and use of inappropriate slur words (like the “N-word”) many rarely survive the backlash of political correctness, even when they plead for forgiveness, as their lives are destroyed.

Deen’s racial controversy can positively impact our society by allowing more dialogue about and to confront both personal and institutional racism. Rather then allowing a single mistake to ruin a person’s life, give the individual an opportunity to take responsibility and learn from their inappropriate behavior and actions. Give them a second chance. What a great celebrity spokesperson Deen could become to bring the races together.

It is so important for individuals to learn to forgive their family and friends who have hurt or disappointed them. So, too must a society do this. Former South African President Nelson Mandela is an international role model as to how forgiveness can become the perfect way to way to heal the nation’s racist tendencies. At press time, the former President remains in critical condition in a hospital in Pretoria, South Africa, kept on life support, where he is being treated for a lung infection.

Writer Simon Kent, in a June 10, 2013 post on the Toronto Sun’s web site, states that the frail 94-year-old leader’s legacy to the world is teaching us “forgiveness.”

When Mandela’s National African party won the election that would end apartheid in South Africa, he forgave his white political foes, says Kent, noting that the power of forgiveness kept the black majority ruling party from seeking revenge.

Kent said: “He didn’t hate the political system that had barred him from voting.

Mandela didn’t hate the rest of the world that for years had turned its back on non-white South Africans.”

Mandela just “offered mercy both to his tormentors and his foes and urged fellow South Africans to do the same” added Kent. Yes, forgiveness.

According to Kent, at his 1994 inauguration, Prisoner 46664 — Nelson Mandela — had kept a seat set aside for a very special guest he wanted to witness his swearing-in as President, the highest office in the land. This person, one of his former jailers from Robben Island, where he was held for 18 years of hard labor, he said.

If Mandela can easily forgive his former jailor and a white society that kept his black brothers and sisters enslaved for centuries, why can’t we just forgive Paula Deen, for saying the “N-word” decades ago. Simply put, it just seems like the right thing to do.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a writer covering aging, medical and health care issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.