Tag Archives for APS

Tips on coping with the friendship recession

By Herb Weiss,

Published in RINewsToday on April 14, 2025

In the midst of the global pandemic, the May 21 American Perspective Survey (APS) revealed a significant shift in how Americans experience and maintain friendships. The findings, dubbed the “friendship recession,” showed that Americans—especially adult men—reported having fewer close friendships than in the past, talked to their friends less often, and relied less on them for personal support.

According to APS data, the percentage of U.S. adults who report having no close friends has quadrupled to 12% since 1990. Meanwhile, the number of those with ten or more close friends has dropped nearly threefold. For decades, Americans consistently spent about 6.5 hours per week with friends, but between 2014 and 2019, that number dropped to just four hours weekly.

The U.S. Surgeon General’s 2023 report, Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation, along an array of scientific research studies, confirmed that social isolation, loneliness, and difficulty forming or maintaining personal relationships take a toll on both mental and physical health—contributing to increased risks of depression, anxiety, heart disease, and even premature death.

Daniel Cox, director of the Survey Center on American Life, as well as media outlets such as The New York Times and scores of newspapers across the nation, Fox News, PBS, and online platforms, have helped to popularize the term “friendship recession” and raise awareness about its impact on society.

More recently, author and acclaimed podcaster Mel Robbins has brought this issue further into the cultural spotlight by connecting it to the everyday emotional struggles of adults trying to build and maintain meaningful friendships.

Robbins is a #1 New York Times best-selling author and a world-renowned expert on mindset, motivation, and behavior change, whose work has been translated into 50 languages. With millions of books sold, seven #1 Audible titles, and billions of video views.

Robbins, known for her TEDxSF talk “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over,” and books such as The Let Them Theory, The 5 Second Rule, and The High 5 Habit, delves into the challenges of adult friendships in episode 262 of The Mel Robbins Podcast, which aired on February 10, 2025. titled Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels Impossible & What to Do About It.

The Challenge of Adult Friendships

Robbins observes that many adults feel lonely, isolated, or disconnected—frequently asking themselves, “Where did all my friends go?” She notes, “It does feel impossible to make adult friends.”

In the one-hour-and-seventeen-minute episode, Robbins introduces the concept of the “Great Scattering”—the period following college graduation when people begin pursuing different life paths, often relocating to other cities for work. Unlike childhood, where friendships are easily formed through school classrooms, on the sports field, or extracurriculars, adulthood lacks these built-in social environments.

According to Robbins, the friendship recession isn’t the result of personal shortcomings or antisocial tendencies, but rather the outcome of systemic factors. These include frequent relocations, job transitions, demanding work schedules, and prioritizing family life which can leave little time to nurture or form new friendships. As people age, increasing responsibilities further reduce the time available to build new social bonds.

Robbins also highlights a decline in church attendance, participation in social and civic clubs, and neighborhood gatherings reducing opportunities to meet potential friends. Meanwhile, she says that heavy reliance on social media and texting has further eroded face-to-face interactions, exacerbating the problem.

The Three Pillars of Friendship

Robbins outlines three key elements necessary for creating deep, lasting adult friendships:

1. Proximity: Physical closeness is essential for building bonds. Robbins cites an MIT study showing that proximity—how often you see or “bump into” someone—is the single most important factor in forming friendships. “To create great friendships, you’ve got to spend time with people,” she says.

2. Timing: Shared life stages and experiences—such as parenting, career demands, or health challenges—can support the growth of friendships. While workplace proximity might exist, friendships don’t always develop because “everybody’s all over the place and interested in different things,” Robbins explains.

3. Authenticity and Energy (the “Vibe”): Mutual energy or chemistry matters. “You either feel this thing with somebody or you don’t—and you can’t force it,” she says. “If the energy is off, it’s off.”

Building strong friendships takes time and effort, says Robbins. Research indicates that it takes about 50 hours of interaction to become casual friends, around 90 hours to become good friends, and more than 200 hours to become best friends.

She also encourages listeners to embrace her “Let Them Theory,” which promotes releasing control over others’ actions and focusing instead on your own responses. “This whole notion that you’ve got best friends for life—it’s a modern construct that actually sets us up to fail,” Robbins states. Adults, she says, must accept that people change, move on, and form new social circles. “Let them live their lives,” she advises. “Let them move, change, not invite you. Let them have a social life without you.”

Friendships may drift, and that’s okay. Robbins urges people not to take others’ actions personally and to focus instead on being the kind of friend they themselves would want.

Simple Tips for Making New Friends

“It’s on you to make time for friendships,” says Robbins. She offers several practical tips:

• Take initiative: Reach out with a simple message to reconnect or start a conversation.
• Be consistent: Regular interactions, even brief ones, help build trust and familiarity over time.
• Find common ground: Join clubs or groups aligned with your interests to meet like-minded individuals.
• Be open: Sharing personal experiences helps forge deeper bonds—but know that not every interaction will result in a lasting friendship, and that’s perfectly fine.

Robbins’ episode provides insight into why adult friendships can be difficult to maintain, along with tools to overcome these challenges. By following her strategies, individuals can counteract the effects of the friendship recession and cultivate meaningful connections.

To listen to Robbins’ podcast episode, Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels Impossible & What to Do About It, visit: https://www.melrobbins.com/podcasts/episode-262

The Mel Robbins Podcast releases two new episodes every Monday and Thursday, focusing on motivation, self-improvement, and overcoming obstacles—often grounded in Robbins’ personal experiences. To explore the full podcast library, now over 280 episodes, visit: www.melrobbins.com/podcast.

Robbins introduces The Let Them Theory, a book providing a groundbreaking approach to reclaiming your life by focusing on what you can control and releasing what you can’t. For book details and purchase info, go to  https://www.melrobbins.com/letthemtheory.

Herb Weiss, LRI ‘12, is a Pawtucket-based writer who has covered aging, healthcare, and medical issues for over 45 years. To purchase his books, including Taking Charge: Collected Stories on Aging Boldly and its two sequels, visit herbweiss.com.

Trump Spending Priorities Would Fray Social Safety Net Programs

Published in the Woonsocket Call on March 16, 2019

Last Monday, President Donald Trump released his proposed FY 2020 budget request to Congress. Lawmakers, who rejected many of these budgetary spending requests in the president’s previous two submitted budgets proposals, consider his latest to be “dead-on-arrival.”

But, Trump’s $4.7 trillion fiscal blueprint, outlined in the 150-page “Budget for a Better America,” gives us a clear picture of his spending priorities and policies he seeks to implement through executive orders and regulator changes.

Trump’s FY 2020 spending plan proposes funding increases for combating the opioid epidemic, improving veteran’s health care, fixing the nation’s crumbling infrastructure ($200 billion increase), even giving the Pentagon a 5 percent increase in spending exceeding what the military asked for. White House senior advisor Ivanka Trump successfully pushed for the FY 2020 budget to include $750 million to establish a paid parental leave program and a $1 billion one-time fund to provide childcare to under served populations.

Trump’s budget proposal makes a commitment of $291 million to eliminate the spread of HIV within a decade, it slashes the National Institutes of Health’s funding by 12 percent, and the budget for the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention by about 10 percent.

Trump does not back away from his controversial stance of building a wall, putting in an additional $8.6 trillion for the construction of a U.S. Mexico border barrier. Congress had earlier opposed his demand for $5.7 billion for the construction project.

Trump Budget Proposal Puts Senior’s Earned Benefits at Risk

In 2016, Presidential candidate Trump had pledged not to cut Medicare, Medicaid or Social Security, but he does in his submitted FY 2020 budget proposal.

Trump calls for a 5 percent cut in non-defense federal agencies, including a whopping $ 1.5 trillion in Medicaid over 10 years. The budget plan instead allocates $1.2 trillion to create “market-based health care grants,” (a.k.a block grants) for states that would start in 2021. This gives states the power to set their own rules for this program.

Medicaid expansion under the Affordable Care Act (ACA) would be eliminated by Trump’s FY 2020 budget proposal by ending ACA’s protections for people with pre-existing conditions and causing millions of people to join the ranks of the uninsured. About 15 million more Americans have joined Medicaid since the ACA expansion was enacted.

Trump’s budget proposal also cuts Medicare by $845 billion over the next decade by cutting payments to hospitals and physicians, rooting out fraud and abuse, and by lowering prescription drug costs.

Meanwhile, the Social Security Disability Insurance program takes a huge budgetary cut of $25 billion and the Social Security Administration’s (SSA) operating budget is slashed by 1 percent, at a time when the agency is working hard to ratchet up its customer service provide to SSA beneficiaries.

Trump’s budget proposal would cut $220 billion from the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), popularly referred to as the food stamp program. The program currently serves 39 million people. Under this budget, beneficiaries would be required to be employed for 20 hours a week to be eligible for assistance and replacing the EBT-debit card used to purchase groceries with the delivery of a “Harvest Box” filled with non-perishable foods like cereal and pasta, canned goods and surplus dairy products.

Housing and Urban Development’s 202 housing program for seniors and people with disabilities takes a $36 million hit, says long-time aging advocate Bill Benson, principal of Washington, D.C.-based Health Benefits ABC, in the March 15th issue of Aging Policy and Public Health News.

According to Benson, several Older Americans Act programs including the Family Caregiver Support program would be cut in Trump’s budget proposal. The Long-Term Care Ombudsman Program would be cut by $1 million. Elder Justice Programs would also be cut under the President’s budget including a $2 million cut to the Elder Justice Initiative at Administration for Community Living.

” Cruelest of all [budgetary cuts] is the proposed out-right elimination of the Social Services Block Grant (SSBG) which is the only source of sustained federal funding to states for Adult Protective Services (APS),” says Benson. Some 37 states use SSBGs to support their APS programs. SSBG is also used by states for a number of other services benefiting older adults including home-delivered meals and case management.

Shortchanging Seniors

Max Richtman, President and CEO of the National Committee to Preserve Social Security and Medicare (NCPSSM) warns that Trump’s budget proposal shortchanges seniors. “In combination with 2017’s tax cuts for the wealthy and the administration’s failure to allow Medicare to negotiate with Big Pharma, the Trump budget shows that his administration is not plugged into the realities of being elderly in America,” he says.

Richtman says that Trump’s budget plan also proposes to eliminate federal grants that help pay for programs under the Older Americans Act, such as Meals on Wheels and home heating assistance for the elderly poor.”

According to Richtman, the 116th Congress gives seniors hope with introduced legislation that would boost Social Security benefits and expand Medicare coverage to include dental, hearing and vision services, changes that an overwhelming majority of Americans support. He calls on Congress to “quickly reject this callous budget proposal — and take decisive action to enhance the well-being of older Americans.

Robert Greenstein, president of the Center on Budget and Policy Priorities, sees Trump’s newly released budget proposal as very troubling, too. “It sharply cuts funding in the part of the budget that invests in future economic growth through education and training, scientific research, infrastructure, and the like,” he says.

“It reverses progress in making affordable health care available to people who don’t have employer coverage or can’t afford private coverage. It cuts basic assistance substantially for families, children, and elderly and disabled people who are in need and struggle to get by. And, it doubles down on policies that take away health care, food, and housing when adults aren’t able to meet a work requirement,” says Greenstein.
“Despite bemoaning deficits, it calls for making the costly 2017 tax cuts — which largely benefit those who already have high incomes and wealth — permanent,” he adds.

Richtman believes that Trump’s 2020 spending proposal serves as a warning of what the administration would do if it were not for the firewall known as the Democratic-led House of Representatives. “These draconian ideas – though rejected by voters in the 2018 mid-terms – remain in the conservative political bloodstream, requiring continued advocacy on the part of seniors and their champions in Congress,” he says.

The release of Trump’s FY 2020 budget program begins the Democratic party’s efforts to retake the White House and Senate in the 2020 presidential election, just over 598 days away. By making major cuts in Social Security and Medicare and turning Medicaid into a state block grant program, Trump is giving Democratic challengers in the 2020 presidential election fodder to create politically-charged themes for ads to turn senior voters against him for seeking cuts in these popular domestic programs.

Herb Weiss, LRI’12, is a Pawtucket writer covering aging, healthcare, and medical issues. To purchase Taking Charge: Collected Stories on Aging Boldly, a collection of 79 of his weekly commentaries, go to herbweiss.com.