Author Archives for Herb Weiss

Internet Sex Survey Sheds Light on What’s “Normal” in Relationships

Published in Pawtucket Times, February 8, 2013

Just after the little blue tablet, Viagra, endorsed on television commercials by a former Senate majority leader and former presidential contender Bob Dole in the late 1990s, the prescription wonder drug for those with erectile dysfunction in later life literally became the talk of the town.

We began to talk a little bit more openly about our sexuality, joking about the miraculous powers of the Viagra, including Cialis and Levitra, probably with the intent to relieve our own personal discomfort of the taboo topic of sex.

But even today, this columnist still hears snickers from those who believe that older persons are asexual, and that sex is of no interest to them in their twilight years. It’s a myth, experts say, their observations supported by a recently published book and a decade worth of AARP studies on sexual attitude and practices.

Creating a New Normal for Your Relationship

Based on data obtained on the internet from nearly 70,000 respondents from the United States and around the world (with significant numbers of returns coming from China, Spain, Italy, France, England, Australia, Philippines, Hungary, Brazil, and Canada), last Wednesday Random House released, The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples and What They Reveal About Creating a New Normal in Your Relationship.

Dr. Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D, Love and Relationship Ambassador for AARP, a Sociologist who teaches at University of Washington, and her coauthors, wellness entrepreneur Chrisanna Northrup and Dr. James Witte, Ph.D., a Sociologist who serves as Director of the Center for Social Science Research at George Mason University, teamed up to design a very unique interactive internet survey that would draw relationship data from around the world.

The researchers partnered with AARP, American on Line, the Huffington Post and Reader’s Digest, who encouraged tens of thousands to take the project’s innovative internet survey.

Dr. Schwartz and her co-researchers, took a look at what constitutes “normal” behavior among happy couples and outlined what steps you should take if that “normal” is one you want to strive for. They believe that their study gives the “clearest picture yet of how well couples are communicating, romancing each other, satisfying each other in the bedroom, sharing financial responsibilities, and staying faithful.”

Since the Normal Bar survey methodology sorts for age and gender, racial and geographic differences and sexual preferences, the authors were able to reveal, for example, what happens to passion as we grow older, which gender wants what when it comes to sex, the factors that spur marital combat, how kids figure in, how being gay or bisexual turns out to be both different and the same, and –regardless of background — the tiny habits that drive partners absolutely batty.

The book provides revelations to the reader, from the unexpected popularity of certain sexual positions, to the average number of times happy – and unhappy — couples kiss, to the prevalence of lying, to the surprising loyalty most men and women feel for their partner (even when in a deteriorating relationship), to the vivid and idiosyncratic ways individuals of different ages, genders and nationalities describe their “ideal romantic evening.”

Much more than a peek behind the relationship curtain, The Normal Bar offers readers an array of prescriptive tools that will help them establish a “new normal” in their relationships. Mindful of what keeps couples stuck in ruts, the book’s authors suggest practical and life-changing ways for couples to break cycles of disappointment and frustration.

AARP Article Zeros in On Older Couples

The Normal bar survey findings in this recently released book, drawn from responses of 8,000 survey respondents who are over age 50, were published in the February/March issue of AARP The Magazine in an article, penned by Northrup, Drs. Schwartz and Witte, entitled Sex at 50+: What’s Normal? Among the findings reported in this AARP article:

Thirty two percent of men and 48% of woman do not hug their partner in public. The researchers believe that public displays of affection (PDA) positive impact relationships. Sixty eight percent now showing PDA are unhappy or slightly happy with their partner. A whopping 73% of the happiest couples can’t keep their hands off each other in public and do so at least once a month.

Meanwhile, 78% of the couples admit they hold hands at least some of the time. However it seems to be the younger pairs, because among all the couples who have been together for over 10 years, more than half say they no longer hold hands.

“I love you,” just three little words said often may just spice up your relationship. The researchers found that among the happiest couples, 85% of both men and woman said those words at least once a week. It’s a male thing – more than 90% of men tell their partner “I love you” regularly while only 58% of the woman do so.

The researchers found that 74% of the happiest couples will give their partner a passionate smooch. Thirty-eight percent of all age 50 plus couples do not passionately kiss. Kissing can be the connector between each partner, note the researchers.

Thirty-one percent of the aging baby boomer couples have sex several times a week while only 28% have sex a couple of times a month. Around 8% have sex just one time a month.

Forty-seven percent of woman praise their partner’s appearance regularly in comparison to 55% of men. The study’s findings reveal that praise is important for a couple’s happiness.

Thirty-two percent of the couples give a thumbs down to date nights. Eighty-eight percent of the happiest couples spend time alone together. The researchers recommend that you go out twice a month to “maintain the sense of closeness.”

Thirty-three percent of the respondents report they rarely or never have sex. However, even among the happiest couples, a whopping one-fourth don’t do it.

Dr. Schwartz believes that the most important observation made from the study is that sexuality is important throughout one’s lifespan. “People have to take care of their relationship and not put it on automatic pilot,” she says.

Bringing Sexuality Out of the Closet

With the graying of America’s population, it is now time to bring senior sexuality out of the closet. We must accept the fact that sexuality continues throughout the human life-span, and encompasses more than just intimate sexual intercourse. It also includes cuddling, a tender kiss, a light touch on the shoulder, or holding hands, as noted in The Normal Bar.

A well-known song, “As Time Goes By,” reminds us sexuality is to be experienced by both young and old. “You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh, the fundamental things apply, as time goes by.”

For more info about The Normal Bar, to take the Normal Bar survey or to purchase the book, go to http://www.thenormalbar.com.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer covering aging, health care and medical issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

Senior Centers, Not Just a Place to Play Bingo

Published February 1, 2013, Pawtucket Times

Today’s senior centers are not the places our parents once visited to knit or play bingo. Established in the 1980s by the U.S. Administration on Aging, the centers programming has slowly evolved to encompass activities that encourage healthy aging and wellness, says Mary Lou Moran, who oversees Pawtucket’s Leon A. Mathieu Senior Center. Established in 1980, last year over 15,000 clients took advantage of programs and social services offered, or to eat a nutritious meal, she notes.

At Rhode Island’s 47 Senior Centers, “We are now looking at the whole person, the body, mind and spirit,” notes Moran, a former Program Coordinator who now serves as Director of Senior Services. “It is very important that we encourage individuals to live independently and safely in their communities.”

At the Leon Mathieu Senior Center, health screenings, specifically taking blood pressure readings, are performed by nursing students from Rhode Island College and URI Pharmacy students, notes Moran. “Proper nutritional counseling is a very big deal, too,” she adds, noting that a nutritionist is available to provide individual counseling.

Through the Eyes of Clients

Linda Slade discovered the Leon Mathieu Senior Center after retiring from working in retail for over 38 years. Initially, attending a few exercise activities in October 2010, she was forced to stop attending, taking care of her terminally ill husband. After his passing she came back four months later “to just be with people again.”

Slade, initially had misconceptions about Pawtucket’s Senior Center. “I was a young sixty-two and not really sure what to expect,” she said, expecting to be surrounded by very old people. That first visit totally changed her mind, seeing younger people. Besides knitting, playing cards or cribbage, the Pawtucket resident participates regularly in arthritis class, stretch exercises and Tai Chi.

Before attending the Senior Center’s exercise classes, Slade’s son had given her a gym membership. “Basically I was intimated to go because of the younger people,” she says. Now Slade is more comfortable working up a sweat with her Senior Center exercise companions.

According to Slade, the City’s Senior Center offers something [activities] for everyone, her involvement even gave her an opportunity to develop new social bonds. “I had a work family that I truly adored, but now I adore my Senior Center family, too” she said. Just like the fictional bar, Cheers, Slade knows everyone’s name in all her activity groups.

“Going bonkers” and feeling a need to get out of her home propelled Nancy Connor, 79, a former Secretary to the CEO of Citizens bank, to the doors of the Leon Mathieu Senior Center. Aortic valve surgery forced the Pawtucket resident into an early retirement in her early seventies from a job she loved and found intellectually challenging.

Once the Pawtucket widow, who lives with her companion, Mave, a 60 pound Royal Standard Poodle, found the Leon Mathieu Senior Center in the Yellow Page Directory, she went to see what it was all about. She’s been going daily ever since.

The Grand Dame of the Literary Circle

Like Slade, before attending, Connor had a misconception about Senior Centers, thinking that she would see “a bunch of old people doddering along.” Now the enthusiastic participant has found out that this was not the case.

According to Connor, not as many men come into the Center. “We really do outnumber them,” she quips, noting that they “usually appear out of thin air when there is a high-low jack game.

Walking with a cane keeps Connor from exercising but she hopes to some day explore the Chinese practice of Tai Chi. However, she gets activity involved in other pursuits. Never published, she took up writing, participating in the Book and Drama Clubs, and now considers herself the “Grandma Moses” of the Senior Center’s literary circle.

Meanwhile, Connor and a few other older participants meet monthly with third year Brown Medical students to teach them the art of speaking to the “geriatric crowd,” she says. At Friday coffee hours, invited guests come into the Senior Center’s large activity room to entertain, teach or educate, she says. If a cancellation happens, she’s drafted to play piano for the crowd in the activity room.

Like in Senior Centers across the Ocean State, every day Connor can eat lunch, only paying a minimal fee. “It is wonderful stuff, from soup to nuts,” she remarks.

A Medical Model

Jill Anderson, Executive Director of Senior Services Inc., a private nonprofit corporation established in 1975, manages the Woonsocket Senior Center. Each day over 100 clients (around 500 annually) participate in exercise activities and health and wellness programs at her site. A day care program in her building handles 35 people who have limitations in their daily living.

Reflecting its medical model philosophy, the Woonsocket Senior Center’s registered nurse, who also serves as the Wellness Director, counsels people on how to change behaviors to maintain better health. Health screening, including blood pressure checks, diabetic and bone density testing are also part of a Wellness program.

About 20 retired volunteers regularly help out each day serving lunch and assisting staff, notes Anderson. “These individuals create a friendly atmosphere for the new clients, making sure they don’t sit by themselves.”

Although many of Rhode Island’s Senior Centers have an annual membership fee or charge registration fees to participate in activities, Anderson’s nonprofit does not. “We just ask people to make a voluntary weekly contribution of one dollar to fill the gap that fundraising, grants and memorials don’t cover.”

Like in many other Senior Centers, computer courses in a computer lab is offered, says Anderson. “We would like to do more with computers, maybe we can some day offer both Intermediate and Advanced computer classes, too,” she adds, because the older clients are interested in embracing new technology, like I-pads, and smart phones.

“A Benefits Councilor also is on site to identify benefits and programs our clients are entitled to receive, states Anderson, this ultimately helping to lower the cost of supplemental Medicare plans, and make other economies.

Pumping Weights

Robert Rock, Director East Providence Senior Center, on Waterman Ave., provides all the typical exercise programs that Senior Centers offer. But through a $96,000 grant received from the U.S. Administration on Aging, his Senior Center now houses the only fitness center in the Ocean State.

“The [fitness] program promotes attitude change and development of appropriate exercise skills and reduces the risks of a sedentary lifestyle. It also improves the quality of life for our senior population,” Rock says.

According to Rock, a client can gain privileges to using the fitness room for a very minimal fee of $40 for single membership, $60 for couples. Equipment includes three treadmills, two recumbent bikes, an elliptical stepper, hand weights and six dual weight machines. Other features include a matted floor, mirrored walls, water, stereo, and cable TV.

Rock notes that 90 percent of the 258 people, mostly in their 60s, are taking advantage of this fitness center room, an attachment to the Senior Center. “They come to work out and then leave,” he says, noting that the oldest, a 91-year old man comes to work out three days a week.

Rock believes that once aging baby boomers come to us for the fitness room, they will choose to come back for other programs and services offered by his Senior Center.

Walking is also an important exercise, too, says Rock. Many clients take advantage of using the Senior Center’s half mile walking track.

Finally, Rock adds that the East Providence Senior Center is also a Rhode Island state-certified site for diabetes education. Both classes and individual counseling are offered.

In conclusion…

Starting in church basements, many as small social clubs, the passage of the Older Americans Act in 1965, propelled Senior Centers into a key provider in the nation’s long term care continuum of care.

Today, 11,000 senior centers serve one million older adults every day. In Rhode Island, 47 agencies, serving 208,000 persons, are geographically spread out from Westerly to Woonsocket and from Foster to Tiverton. Some are managed by municipalities, others by nonprofit groups. While catering to serving the state’s burgeoning elderly population, some have expanded their mission to offer programs for young and middle age adults.

While the average age is age 75, many of Rhode Island’s Senior Centers are adjusting their programming and services to attract the state’s aging baby boomers by focusing on health and wellness, recreation and life long learning.

According to Rhode Island’s Division of Elderly
Affairs (DEA), over 14 percent of Rhode Island’s population is age 65 and over. By 2030, its projected to grow to over 21 percent. Rhode Island’s senior centers are a key provider to keep the aging baby boomers, healthy, independent and at home.

Yes, today’s Senior Centers are not your parent’s bingo hall, as some mistakenly believe. Why not visit your local senior center you may even be surprised with what you find. Call DEA for a complete listing of the state’s senior centers at 401/462-3000.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a freelance writer covering aging, health care and medical issues. He can be contacted at hweissri@aol.com.

Legendary Cowsills to Come Home to Be Recognized By Their Own

Published January 25, 2013, Pawtucket Times

Bob Cowsill, of Rhode Island’s legendary Cowsills, has come full circle in his forty year musical career. Now living on the West Coast, the nationally-acclaimed musician and his band member siblings are planning a trip back to their childhood home. On Sunday, April 28th at the Hope Artiste Village complex in Pawtucket, they will be inducted into the Rhode Island Music Hall of Fame (RIMHOF).

Beginning a Musical Journey

The Cowsills, who play pop and rock ‘n’ roll, are one of the most successful family musical acts of the 1960s. They grew up just an hour’s drive from Pawtucket, on Aquidneck Island where their names are still carved into a tree on the family homestead. The band was founded by four of the Cowsill brothers (Bob, Bill, Barry and John) in 1965. Within two years, it encompassed nearly the entire family with the additions of brother Paul, sister Susan, and their mother, Barbara (“Mini-Mom”). Their father, Bud, became their manager. (Bob’s twin brother Richard is the only sibling who never joined the band.) The Cowsills later became the creative inspiration for the 1970’s television show, The Partridge Family, still in syndication today.

The Cowsills were the first of the family rock groups, opening the door for others, says Bob, the eldest of the musical clan. Those following in their footsteps included The Jackson 5 and The Osmonds, who made the switch to rock following the Cowsills’ success.

“The family angle just evolved,” says Cowsill, stressing that it should not be considered “premeditated.” When it became difficult to interest musicians on Aquidneck Island to join the fledgling band, Cowsill notes that it became obvious that the younger siblings were the answer to filling the empty slots.

In the mid-sixties, the Cowsills were hired as a regular act on Bannister’s Wharf, playing weekly at Dorians, in Newport, “at that time a rough Navy town,” says Bob.

He notes that the group’s first big career break in 1964 came after playing in the basement disco of the MK Hotel, 38 Bellevue Ave., in Newport. From this performance came an invitation to play on the Today Show. Their 20 minute performance caught the attention of singer Johnny Nash and the group signed their first recording contract with his JODA Records label, releasing their first single, “All I Really Want To Be Is Me,” in 1965.

America’s Musical Family

Cowsill recalls how that first single was pitted against “The Sound of Silence” on a WPRO radio contest. When the votes were tabulated, the Newport band “won by a landside.” To this day, he still chuckles when remembering the Cowsills’ victory over America’s most recognizable musical duo, Simon and Garfunkel.

From the late ’60s into the early ’70s, the Cowsills appeared on many popular television shows, among them: The Ed Sullivan Show, American Bandstand, The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson, the Mike Douglas Show, and the Johnny Cash Show. They even hosted their own NBC TV special called “A Family Thing.”

“Bewilderment,” says Cowsill, thinking about his two performances on The Ed Sullivan Show. The group had contracted to appear ten times which would have put them on Sunday’s most popular show more times than The Beatles. But a fiasco over a microphone that was accidentally turned off between Sullivan’s son-in-law and Bud Cowsill resulted in the cancellation of the remaining eight shows, he said.

Before the young Cowsills had their first hit record, they were hired as one of the headliners, along with Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, The Byrds and The Beach Boys (all Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees) for Soundblast ’66 at Yankee Stadium in New York. “We were in pop wonderland. It was just unbelievable. Somehow, my father worked magic and got us to Yankee Stadium for this show. We were not famous at the time but apparently good enough to play for the crowd.”

Bringing Home the Gold

In 1967, the Cowsills first MGM release, “The Rain, The Park & Other Things,” sold over one million copies and was awarded a gold record. This song would ultimately reach No. 2 on the Billboard Hot 100 and No. 1 in Cash Box and Record World.

One year later, the band scored another near million-selling hit with the song “Indian Lake,” reaching No. 10 on the charts and in 1968, the band hit No. 1 again with their version of “Hair,” a three-million seller which brought them a nomination for 16 Magazine’s Best Group of 1970. “Hair” was banned from Armed Forces radio in Viet Nam for being too controversial, noted Cowsill, stating that, “We were amused at the time because our brother, Richard, who was in Vietnam reported back that they were playing it everywhere!”

Baby boomers may remember the Cowsills taking on the role as spokespersons for the American Dairy Assn. with their “Milk Song” appearing in commercials and their images in print ads promoting milk. Cowsill also notes that his group has been referenced in trivia game questions and twice on David Letterman’s Top Ten List.

In 1969, The Cowsills became the first rock group to record a theme for a television show, “Love American Style.” Their melodic sound has also been featured in movies such as “The Impossible Years” and “Dumb and Dumber”, and other TV shows including “The Wonder Years” and “The Simpsons.”

A feature-length film, “Family Band – The Story of The Cowsills,” which documents the rise and fall of the group is coming to cable TV in March. “It will show what really happened in our family band,” says Cowsill.

The Cowsills disbanded in the early 1970s but most of them have never fully retired from the music business and various members have regrouped through the years.

Cowsill and his siblings John, Susan and Paul, plus two of the band member’s sons, continue to play concerts across the country at casinos, fairs and music festivals. Today, he’s come full circle in his career. For more than 27 years, the sixty-three year old musician has been playing at Pickwick’s Pub in Woodland Hills, California, every Friday night, once again performing the songs of the Beatles and The Byrds. During the day, Cowsill coordinates medical conferences across the country, provides medical coding services to emergency departments, and assists in developing and installing software for use in emergency rooms.

On April 28th, 2013, The Cowsills will be inducted into The Rhode Island Music Hall Of Fame along with Steve Smith & The Nakeds, Bobby Hackett, Paul Geremia, Jimmie Crane, Eddie Zack, Sissieretta Jones, George M. Cohan and Bill Flanagan.

Reflecting on this upcoming recognition, Bob says, “The fact that we are being inducted into RIMHOF and not the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is more special to us. There is a little bit more meaning to us because we are Rhode Islanders, to be recognized by our own. It is very cool to go to Pawtucket rather than Cleveland!”

For more information about the Cowsills, to leave a message on the group’s guestbook, or to sign a petition to get them into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, visit: http://www.cowsill.com.

Tickets for the 2013 induction are $20 in advance or $25 at the door for the evening ceremonies and concert, and $10.00 in advance or at the door for the afternoon events. The Cowsills will perform in the evening. Tickets are available at http://www.rhodeislandmusichalloffame.com.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer who covers aging, health care and medical issues. He can be reached at: hweissri@aol.com. He also serves on RIMHOF’s Board of Directors.