Tag Archives for Thanksgiving

Talking Turkey about the Holiday Blues

Published in RINewsToday on November 20, 2023

Increased demands of family obligations during the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, baking, and cleaning to host dinner, and even unrealistic expectations about family, or having a dysfunctional family, can produce extra stresses, feelings of anxiety, isolation, and depression.  This is oftentimes referred to as holiday blues.

This year, during Thanksgiving dinner, holiday blues, combined with hot and divisive political polarizing discussions over former President Trump, current President Biden, political candidates running in 2024, climate change or the current the Israel-Palestinian conflict, could bring on even more stresses.

During her 45-year career as a licensed practicing psychologist in Los Angeles and at State College, Pennsylvania Elaine Rodino, Ph.D., a fellow and former president of 2 APA divisions (Independent Practice and Media Psychology), has a longstanding interest in the holiday blues and has helped many of her patients cope with this issue over the years.

Rodino who has been quoted on the topic over the years by the LA Times, Chicago Tribune, New York Times, Boston Globe, WebMD, and many magazines, talks about holiday blues and offers tips to cope with the stresses and anxiety triggered by the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.  

Expectations, Unhappy Memories Create Holiday Stress

The greatest cause of holiday stress is – expectations – says Rodino, stressing that these expectations are created by media and our families.  

For some there are very unhappy memories from childhood that are remembered that can also trigger holiday stress.  “It’s good to acknowledge how sad that was, but that you have a different life now. It is okay to be sad for yourself as a child enduring those unhappy times.  Realize that you don’t need to perpetuate it and that you can make yourself happy now,” says Rodino.

However, it may be important to talk with a psychologist about past trauma and the bad memories they produce,” adds Rodino, noting that the therapist will know how to work through these issues. 

“The Media bombards us with happy images of beautiful people dressed beautifully enjoying champaign or other drinks.  They see families gathered around gorgeous Thanksgiving tables with a great looking man carving an enormous turkey.  If this is seen over and over there’s a belief that this is the way their holiday should look and anything different is a failure,” notes Rodino.

Expectations also arise from our families. “Whatever one’s parents did seems to become the standard that must be met again.,” she adds. 

According to Rodino, reducing stress caused by unrealistic expectations can easily be accomplished by creating your own way of celebrating and enjoying the holiday season. “Make your own tradition.  Some people even enjoy a chance to take a trip away from the hustle and bustle to a calm tropical vacation, she says. 

There are legitimate reasons for skipping your family’s Thanksgiving gathering, notes Rodino.  “If one’s family is very dysfunctional and it will cause too much discomfort and unhappiness, just make a plan to not stay long. In extreme situations it is fine to say that you want to skip the family drama this year,” she says.  

If attending, Rodino recommends that you do not take things said in conversation personally.  “The family is dysfunctional, and your parents and sibling’s personalities and attitudes will not change,” she says.  

Political Banter Creates Trouble at the Table

A Thanksgiving day topic that people seem to be worried about this year is political conversation.  Rodino says that it is true that the country is divided, and attitudes and opinions haven’t eased over the years.  In fact, they have worsened.

“Try not to sit next to any difficult relatives,” advises Rodino, suggesting that the host take responsibility to know the political make-up of the gathering. “If the group is homogenous then the host can give the message to everyone that they may talk openly about politics. If not – these topics should be avoided,” she states.

“Of course, you can always ask the host not to seat you next to someone you politically disagree with,” she adds.

Grieving a recent loss at holiday time is difficult, says Rodino. “Sometimes it may feel good to acknowledge that person and perhaps with other family members recall fun or significant things that the person said or did,” she says.   

Make Your Thanksgiving Dinner Inclusive

People who are newly sober don’t feel comfortable being greeted at the door with a flute of champagne, warns Rodino.  These individuals can plan a sober party or attend a Thanksgiving gathering of sober family and friends, she recommends.

For lonely people, who are alone, recently widowed, or newly divorced, accept invitations to attend Thanksgiving gatherings.  “People who are alone, or newly divorced are often included and invited to gatherings,” says Rodino, noting that friends and relatives usually make a point of including them at these events. “Don’t say no! Go to parties and events and you will be glad you did,” she says. 

Always use technology to include family members in your Thanksgiving celebration who are residing in nursing facilities or who reside in other states through Zoom or Facetime, recommends Rodino.  

Finally, Rodino reminds us of the importance of self-care in combating the stresses caused by the Thanksgiving holiday blues. “Take a break. Take a walk around the block.  Take that time for just sitting with a hot cup of tea, hot chocolate, or coffee.  Take a bath.  Get a good night sleep,” she adds. 

To listen to Rodino speaking about the holiday blues on an APA podcast, go to https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/holiday-blues.

Daily Gratitude Is Always Good for Your Health

Published in Woonsocket Call on November 27, 2016

A few days ago we celebrated Thanksgiving, the nation’s oldest tradition. Over 48 million Americans traveled a minimum of 50 miles to spend this national holiday with family and friends, and a whopping 46 million turkeys were carved at these gatherings, served with mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, green beans, pumpkin and pecan pie.

Thanksgiving always falls on the fourth Thursday of November, and is a leisurely day to catch up with others, while centered around eating a traditional Thanksgiving dinner. Many will turn on their TV’s to watch National Football League games, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade or even see the pre-taped Westminster Dog Show.

But, with all these outer activities taking place throughout this day, we must not forget that Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful and show gratitude for all our personal and professional blessings.

Being Grateful, Giving Thanks

For this weekly commentary this writer reached out to Rhode Islanders asking them to think about and acknowledge what they were grateful for, and here were their thoughts…

John S. Baxter, Jr., 48, director of constituent services, Office of the President of the Senate, is grateful for being able to use professional developed skills to assist in his volunteer work. “Today, I am thankful for being able to make my living helping people through my service in the Rhode Island Senate. I’m also particularly thankful for lessons learned on the job that can be applied when I volunteer in my community; whether it is feeding the hungry, assisting persons with disabilities or supporting the arts,” says Baxter, a Pawtucket resident.

Jeffrey Brier, 63, president of Brier & Brier, is thankful for his family and business clients. This Warren resident says, “I am thankful to sit with my family and enjoy our Thanksgiving meal and each other’s presence. Saddened by those who are not with us and for those who have passed on. As an insurance agent, Brier says he finds it gratifying “to meet so many nice people with whom I enjoy working and assisting with their personal and business insurance.”

Greg Gerritt, 63, a Providence resident puts his words into action. Gerritt, founder of Buy Nothing Day Winter Coat Exchange, noted, “I actually skipped when they went around the table asking each to say what they were thankful for. I do not think of it that way. What I did was organize the 20th Buy Nothing Day Winter Coat Exchange. Might be different sides of the same coin.”

Denise Panichas, 62, is thankful for the “selfless people” that come into her life “Being in the nonprofit world, I’m always amazed at how selfless people can be and no one even knows the good deeds they do…at this time of year, I always take a step back and think to myself, “What would the world be without with those willing to sacrifice their time and talents?,” says Panichas, a Woonsocket resident who serves as executive director of The Samaritans of Rhode Island.

Scott Rotondo, 43, of Pawtucket, says his “cup truly runneth over” when asked what he is thankful for. The controller at Boston, Massachusetts-based Tivoli Audio, acknowledges, “I’m grateful for my career, my radio show and most of all our newest family addition, my daughter Jessica who we adopted out of foster care. I have made it a point to sincerely thank my family for all the support and love they’ve shared with me this year.”

Finally, Scott Wolf, 63, a Providence. resident, is grateful for positive role models he had while growing up. Wolf, executive director at Grow Smart RI, says “I thought about how lucky I have been to have so many outstanding role models –my parents first and foremost among them–, who are now gone physically but still inspiring me to leave my own positive mark on society.”

Being Grateful is Good for Your Health

According to Michael Craig Miller, MD, senior editor, mental health publishing at Harvard Health Publications, “the simple act of giving thanks is not just good for the community but may also be good for the brain and body.”

“By acknowledging the goodness in their lives, expressing gratitude often helps people recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. This can connect them to something larger—other people, nature, or a higher power,” says Miller, in his blog article entitled, “In Praise of Gratitude,” posted on the Harvard health Web Site, on October 29, 2015.

In Miller’s blog posting, he notes, “In the relatively new field of positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently linked to greater happiness. Expressing gratitude helps people feel positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”

Adds Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., on his blog article, “Why Gratitude is Good,” posted on November 10, 2015 on the Greater Good Science Center’s Web Site, gratitude can allow us to “celebrate the present.”

According to Emmons, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and the founding editor-in-chief of The Journal of Positive Psychology, research findings indicate that “Gratitude blocks toxic, negative emotions.” These findings also show that “grateful people are more stress resistant” and “have a higher sense of self-worth.”

So, don’t wait until next Thanksgiving to show gratitude to all the good things surrounding you today. Be thankful for everything positive in your life, each and every day. Research tells us that showing gratitude may well be good for your physical and mental well-being.