Category Archives for People

So, Who Was Harry Weathersby Stamps

Published in the Pawtucket Times, March 22, 2013

         Once upon a time, the New York Times was reputed to publish the best, the most colorful obituaries that wove resume-like facts and personal stories together, to concisely sum up a person’s life and death.  Now the legendary daily newspaper has competition.  With the passing of Harry Weathersby Stamps on March 9, 2013, his obituary was printed in the Sun Herald, his hometown newspaper.  The daily paper, covering South Mississippi, called it “the best obit ever.”  I totally agree.  More interesting to me is that the obituary, written by his daughter, has gone viral on Twitter and Facebook, and emails, receiving rave reviews around the world. .   

             During a very long drive to Long Beach, Mississippi, where Stamps had died at home, surrounded by family, daughter Amanda Lewis, an attorney at Irving, Texas-based TRT Holdings, penned the obituary  [edited by her sister Alison Stamps] of her eighty-year old father, a former educator at Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College at the Jeff Davis Campus.

             Lewis’s colorful, light-hearted and humorous 841 word obituary, detailing her father’s extreme quirky, likes and dislikes, has now caught the attention of the nation through the news media, even the entire world via the world-wide web.

 So who was Harry Stamps?

             According to Lewis, her father was a “ladies’ man,” “foodie,” “natty dresser,” and even a “accomplished traveler.”  He disliked phonies, she noted, especially “know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words ‘veranda’ and ‘porte cochere’ to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and even Martha Stewart. That is in reverse order, she quipped.

            But he did love his 1969 Volvo. 

            As to the important women throughout his eight decades, there were many, Lewis reveals in the published obituary.  Almost 50 years ago her father married his “main squeeze, Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, raising two girls, Amanda and Alison, she said.   

            Lewis fondly remembers that her father taught her along with her sister how “to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful,”  taking “great pride in stocking their tool boxes.”

            The obituary notes that Stamps beloved mother, the late Wilma Hatzog, raised him in his teenage years with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron.“He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg,” Lewis said.

             More over, Lewis says that her father loved his grandchildren. “He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls, she said.

 Who Says Politics and Religion Don’t Mix?

             As to politics, “One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President,” adds Lewis, who noted that her father was a former government and sociology professor.  She shared that Stamps, with an interest in both politics and religion, “enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians.”

             Lewis remembers him often saying, “I am not running for political office or trying to get married” when he was “speaking the truth.” .

             The obituary noted that over Stamp’s lifetime, he had developed culinary tastes for particular delicacies.  Her father made his “signature” bacon and tomato sandwich with “100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer’s black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee’s Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription.”   

            He even openly had “a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [pronounced Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread,” she admitted.  

Juggling Many Hobbies in Retirement

            What does Stamps’ obituary say about his many hobbies and leisure activities?

            Her farther, having green thumbs, “excelled at growing camellias,” says Lewis. His knack for carpentry, were just the skills needed for “rebuilding houses after hurricanes [like Katrina],” she notes.

            Because history was important to Stamps, he would read any history book he could get his hands on, Lewis said. As for his love of cable programming, the history buff “loved to use his oversized ‘old man’ remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel,“ she added.

            “Rocking,” eradicating mole crickets from his front yard,” composting pine needles,” living within his means,” and even “outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness,” also tweaked his interest, too, in his later years, Lewis observed.  

            As to military service, “he also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal–just like Napoleon, as he would say,” Lewis penned in the obituary. .

            Lewis acknowledged that her father “took fashion cues from no one.”  Usually his daily dress, was a “plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom.  Black-label elastic waist shorts were worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam’s on Highway 49.  He sported a pair of old school Wallabees.  But most will remember his wearing of a grass-stained MSU baseball cap, she said.

            On his many family vacations, Lewis remembered her father “only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina.”   The avid outdoorsman always upgraded his tent rental to have a creek view.  Later in life he would purchase a used pop-up camper for “his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life,” she said. 

            The obituary concluded by noting that a private, family only service would be held, because of Stamps’ “irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport.”  A “theme” free funeral was held.

            The family urged friends, and colleagues of Stamps to “write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Savings Time.”  Why?  Stamps wanted “everyone to get back on the Lord’s Time.”  

Stamps Obituary Goes Viral

            On a very slow news day, the “finely crafted words of this loving tribute” published in the Sun Herald quickly spread, from one person to another by Facebook postings, Tweeting, and emails, sending the heartwarming obituary viral, from Long Beach to all corners of the world, noted Vice President and Executive Editor Stan Tiner, in his March 14th column touching on Lewis’ “seamless” obituary.

            “In the days that followed, the tsunami-like power of the Harry Stamps obituary washed away records on our website, with only Hurricane Katrina remaining above this viral surge of page views,” said an amazed Tiner in his column, who noted within days the company’s website recorded a whopping 530,000 page views with the obituary drawing a considerable part of that traffic. Even the following day visits exceeded 500,000 page views, he said. 

            Meanwhile, a front page story in the Sun Herald about the previously printed “well crafted” obituary attracted reader interest, in the next days becoming the newspapers “all-time single-story record-holder with more than 100,000 page views,” added Tiner.

            “Untold thousands heralded the late college dean and the perfect obituary. One tweet called him “the most interesting man in the world,” said Tiner in his column, noting that Stamps “everyman common sense, taste and humor brought to mind a modern-day Will Rogers.”

            Yes, Lewis’ colorfully-written obituary clearly details her father’s total persona, his spirit, most certainly, his uniqueness.  In life, he chose to march to a different drummer, his family knew this and accepted it, too. In death, his life story told by his obituary keeps his memory alive in the hearts of his wife, Ann, daughters Amanda and Alison, and to the millions of people, including this columnist, who now know him.

            To see the original obituary, go to http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/sunherald/obituary.aspx?pid=163538353#storylink=cpy

            Herb Weiss, LRI ’12 is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer who covers health care, aging and medical issues.  He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

 

 

Taking Stock in Reviewing Your Later Decades

Published in Pawtucket Times, March 8, 2013

During the turbulent 1960s, young protestors would say “Never trust anyone over 30 years old.” Today, now the younger generation sees the benefits of successfully transitioning into their thirties and well beyond.

Aging baby boomers now realize they are entering late adulthood when they receive AARP’s membership invitation to join America’s largest aging advocacy group in their late 40s. This little notification announces your chronological age (even though you have not made age 50 yet), is quickly tilting toward your later years, some would joke a key reminder that your senior years are fast approaching.

What about moving into your 60s? You’re still professionally at the peak of your career, but five years shy of moving into the rank and file of the retired.

On Becoming Age 60

In 2003, Dr. Justin Aurbach, a Dallas-based endodontist, who just happens to be my brother-in-law, would be turning age 60 in a few months. At that time, he shared with me the following thoughts about the impending age milestone.

“It’s great [moving into his 60s],” Justin noted, saying far too much [cultural] negativity has been piled onto this chronological age.

While some become frail or face debilitating chronic conditions as they enter into their 60s, at that time my aging brother-in-law was still in relatively good physical shape. However, he did acknowledge that he could not run a four-minute mile, but he never could at any age, he joked. But over ten years ago when we talked about his views on turning age 60, Justin told me that he played a little golf (like many of his friends), walked and jogged, even spending time to weight lifting.

Justin’s was a believer in vitamins and he took “a lot of them,” back then, he admitted.

As he moved into his middle sixties, Justin believed strongly that he would still be at the top of his game, still improving with age. At this time he said, “not only am I technically better, but my years of life experience have made me wiser in respect to knowing what can and can not be done in my life.”

Aging researchers have found that being plugged into a social network of family and friends is a key ingredient to successful aging. Justin must have read their studies. The aging endodontist told me he was still very lucky to have many friends who were part of his large external family.

With his upcoming birthday propelling him into is 60s, over ten years ago, he spoke of the loving support of his long-time wife, Michelle, 59, [my oldest sister] along with children their Jennifer, Leslie and Stephanie.

In his 2003 life review, looking over his almost sixty years of living, Justin remembered the ups and downs of his life. For him, times of sadness included the loss of his mother, common parental problems that he experienced with raising his daughters and failure to quickly achieve some of his professional goals.

However, his philosophy of looking at the glass half-full rather than half empty enable him to cope with adversity. This life stage was also a time of excitement and learning for him, moving into the “best time of your life.”

Getting to the Big “70”

Over a decade ago, when we spoke about his thoughts about turning age 60, Justin told me that he would “certainly keep forging ahead at a break neck pace.” New goals would always replace those that would be accomplished, he promised. In 2013, his pace has not slowed down one bit.

Justin acknowledged that advances in medical technology leading to the advent of non invasive tests, the near elimination of many dreaded diseases and a greater understanding of genetics and molecular biological have increased the odds for his celebrating the big “70.”

Today, Justin is age 69, ready to enter his 70th decade. Since his 2003 interview, he has adopted his fourteen-year-old granddaughter, Allison. Over the years, he has attended dozens of funerals, saying his goodbyes to his wife, father, father-in-law, mother-in-law, even close friends and colleagues. Regularly seeing familiar names on the obit page of the Dallas Morning News and attending funerals makes him aware of the need to accomplish his goals with the time he has left.

“Life goes on,” he says. A year after his wife’s death in 2009, the aging widower began to date, Ruth, a retired audiologist who now works as a fundraiser for a nonprofit charity.

Moving into his seventh decade, there will be no retirement or gold watch for my brother-in-law. Even though financially secure, Justin plans to continue to maintain a very full practice until his eighty-fifth birthday. His teaching of entry level endodontic students at Texas AM Baylor School of Dentistry will continue into his later years, too. A former president of the Dallas County Dental Society, he intends to stay active in the medical group.

Justin won’t be sitting in a rocker on the porch of his sprawling home in North Dallas. Being an avid bike rider for over 30 years, even with his busy schedule, he will still sneak in a ride when possible. Like his earlier years, he will continue to enjoy the fine dining establishments in his City, cook for family and friends, and even catch a play or chamber music performance.

But with advance age, there are challenges that many of his contemporaries face, Justin notes. He is working hard to help his older children become more financially independent. Like many aging baby boomers, in this severe economic downturn he has picked up a portion of their household expenses.

As an older parent of a young teenager, Justin finds it extremely challenging to keep up with the “high energy level” required in parenting. “It keeps you young, on your toes and aware of what is going on with the younger generations,” he says, noting that this late life experience has made him a “much calmer parent.”

It has been over a decade since my initial conversation with Justin in 2003, and he comments that this time went by “like the blink of an eye,” he says. His mantra may well be “Live your life to the fullest, don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today.”

Share Insights Gained from Life’s Battles

For this columnist, growing older has always been like a bottle of wine, as you age you get better like the wine.

For those turning age 60 even entering their seventies, exercise and eating a healthy diet, developing a strong support network, and continuing to learn and seek out knowledge becomes very important, for increasing your longevity. Now it becomes important to take some time to reflect upon the ups and downs of your life and use the knowledge and wisdom gained to make better choices in your final years.

Most important, take time to share your newly gained insights with your children and grandchildren, even your younger colleagues. Give them the gift of your hard earned insights gained from life’s battles.

“It’s a new beginning for me,” quipped Justin, when he turned age 60 a decade ago. But as he prepares for the new 70th decade ahead he admits, “I feel like a newborn who is just beginning his trek into the wonderful world I live in.”

Reaching your 60s or 70s, key chronological age milestones in your life’s journey can give you a sign to slow down and reflect on the changes in your life, moreover, how you adapted to both personal and professional challenges. Ultimately, as Justin found out, reflection gives you the inner resources necessary to gracefully age in the final stages of your life.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a freelance writer covering medical, health care and aging issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

Activist Richard J. Walton’s Great Adventure in Life and Death

Published January 4, 2013, Pawtucket Times

Throughout his 84 years, Richard J. Walton served as a role model for generations of activists, watching out and protecting Rhode Island’s voiceless citizens, showing all that positive societal changes could be made by making sound arguments. With his last breath, he even taught us how to face death.

Walton, age 84, died on December 27 at Rhode Island Hospital. He had been treated for leukemia for about six months, says daughter, Cathy Walton Barnard, of Simsbury, Connecticut, who noted his last words, “I’m going on a great adventure.”

Walton Touched Many Lives

Even with many in Walton’s vast progressive and activist networks knowing about his illness, people were caught off guard by his sudden passing one week ago, stated Rick Wahlberg, a computer consultant and a former president of Stone Soup Coffee House, who worked closely with Walton on the nonprofit’s Board of Directors for over 20 years and developed close personal ties. “We considered him part of our family just like many others did,” he said. .

According to Wahlberg, a Cumberland resident, Walton was part of New York’s intelligentsia scene, [mingling with writers at the Lion’s Head, a bar a few steps down from Christopher Street] in Greenwich Village, where he lived making a living as a writer.

Wahlberg viewed Walton as a “great example of morality, humanity and a supporter of nonviolence,” noting that his friend led an amazing life that help shaped his progressive point of view and that of his two daughters. When his oldest daughter, Corinne, heard of Walton’s passing, she remarked, “he did more in one lifetime than most.”

Over the years, Wahlberg, 59, and his wife, Barbara, attended Walton’s birthday parties that would raise large sums of money for his favorite charities, attracting the state’s powerful political and media elite right to his family compound, located at Pawtuxet Cove in Warwick. This legendary fundraising event occurred from 1988 to 2011, bringing hundreds of people each year to celebrate his progressive causes. Due to his health in 2012, for the first time, Walton’s birthday was held at the Roots Cultural Center in Providence.

Joyce Katzberg, 59, folksinger and a founding organizer of Stone Soup Coffee House, spent decades protesting with Walton at vigils, rallies and picket lines. She remembers him as a kind, honest person. When necessary, he was not afraid of using the “F word,” she quipped, noting that this word stood for fascism. His social advocacy “has left many ripples and impacted many Rhode Island nonprofits,” she adds.

“Richard called things for what they were, said things in ways that were hard to argue with because he had the facts, knew the background stories and did his home work. He cared enough to tell the truth,” said Katzberg, stressing how he excelled at moderating views between people with differing positions.

Bruce McCrae (a.k.a. Rudy Cheeks), a co-author of Phillip and Jorge column in the weekly Providence Phoenix, who knew Walton for over 30 years as a social activist, educator and a strong advocate for traditional American Folk music, had his thoughts about his recent passing. “There is no doubt in my mind that Rhode Island would have been a much different and poorer place without his constant presence. He was a mentor to generations of students and social activists and one of the strongest voices for peace and equality that Rhode Island has ever known,” he said.

McCrae, 62, says his efforts for social change extended internationally to Africa where, in 1960, he worked on a number of documentary films on the emerging independence movements on that continent and to Latin America, where he started the Sister Cities Project between Providence and Niquinohomo, Nicaragua, helping to build a medical facility and school there.

One of the City of Pawtucket’s most visible social advocates, Maggi Burns Rogers, remembers Walton as someone who worked hard to improve the world without forgetting how to enjoy it. “He loved to laugh, eat, drink, was an avid gardener, knew his music, read literature and even traveled the world.” (In between his social activism, teaching and writing, during his long life Walton traveled to over 50 countries, making return trips to many of them.),

“Richard won’t be remembered for just one thing because he brought his talent to so many different nonprofits,” says Rogers, including Amos House, the George Wiley Center, Stone Soup Coffee House, Rhode Island Coalition for the Homeless, and the Pawtucket Arts Festival Executive Committee to name just a few.

With his long white beard, President Betsy Florin, of the Pawtucket-based George Wiley Center, viewed Walton as a Santa Claus-like figure. But unlike Santa, he gave every day of the year, all of his life, she said. “His real gift was not something tangible that could be wrapped in a pretty box and placed under a tree, it was, rather a gift of imagination combined with activism.”

Walton “imagined a world of decency and fairness and then sought to make that happen,” said Florin.

As to Walton’s daughter, Barnard, 52, even in her earliest childhood memories she remembers her father as being an activist, who once marched with his young daughter at a gay pride parade. While not being an activist to “his degree” the Preschool teacher is very politically active in her local community.

Today, Barnard is a diehard New York Mets fan. When Barnard and her brother visited their father in New York, he often took them to watch the team play at Shea Stadium. (As noted in an Op Ed penned by Walton in 2000, throughout his life Walton’s favorite baseball player and hero was Hank Greenberg, a Jewish baseball player who played in the major leagues in the 1930s and 1940s, primarily for the Detroit Tigers. He was considered to be one of the premier power hitters of his generation. Walton noted that Greenberg, who experienced anti Semitism, would encourage another player subject to slurs from the sidelines, that was Jackie Robinson.)

Six Lifetimes Jammed into One

Walton’s life is richly detailed in Wikipedia, a web-based free content encyclopedia.

Born in Saratoga Springs, New York, Walton grew up in South Providence in the 1930s, graduating from Classical High School in 1945. After taking a two year break from his studies at Brown University, serving as a journalist mate in the U.S. Navy, he returned to receive a bachelor’s degree in 1951. He whet his appetite for music by working as disc jockey at Providence radio station WICE before enrolling in Columbia School of Journalism where he later earned a masters in journalism degree in 1955.

Walton’s training at Brown University and the School of Journalism at Columbia propelled him into a writing career. During his early years he worked as a reporter at the Providence Journal, and the New York World Telegram and Sun. At Voice of America in Washington, D.C., Walton would initially put in time reporting on African issues, ultimately being assigned to cover the United Nations.

The prolific writer would eventually publish 12 books, nine being written as critical assessments of U.S. Foreign policy. In the late 1960s, as a freelance writer, he made his living by writing for The Nation, The New York Times, The Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Village Voice, Newsday, The [old] New Republic, Cosmopolitan, even Playboy. He was also the former UN Secretary-General U Thant’s personal editor for his memoir, “The View from the United Nations.”

In 1981, after 26 years of living outside of Rhode Island, he would return, ultimately becoming one of the most recognizable social activists around, fighting against hunger, homelessness and poverty. The journalist would run for political office and was active in the Citizens Party [the predecessor to the Green Party]. He ran as the political group’s vice presidential candidate in 1984 with the radical feminist Sonia Johnson. They did not win.

For over 25 years, Walton has taught writing to thousands of students at Rhode Island College (RIC). Walton fought to successfully establish a union at this university, hammering out a contract, ultimately serving as its first president until his death. With his death, RIC President Nancy Carriuolo called for lowering the flags on campus to half-staff in his memory.

Walton was married to Margaret Hilton and Mary Una Jones, both marriages ending in divorce. He is survived by his daughter Cathy Walton Barnard and son Richard Walton and three grandchildren.

Big Shoes to Fill

Walton, with his long white hair and beard, wearing his trademark blue overalls, bandana and Stone Soup baseball cap, serves as a role model to the younger generations of social activists, those who will take up his worthy causes to fight for justice, to end poverty, hunger, and homelessness. He taught us how to live life to the fullest, exploring the world while not forgetting to help those in need.

Walton’s life turned out to be a grand adventure. But even with death approaching he taught us to take that leap of faith into the unknown, recognizing that death, too, can be and even grander adventure.

The family is planning a memorial service to be held the first weekend in June.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer who covers health care, aging and medical issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.