Category Archives for People

The Little Plaid Guide to Living a Better Life

Published in the Pawtucket Times, June 14, 2013

In just two days, millions of Americans will celebrate Father’s Day. As I penned this week’s commentary thinking of the approaching national holiday, I quickly began thinking of my Dad, who died of a heart attack over nine years ago at the ripe old age of 89. While he had recently been ailing and was well along in years, it was quite a shock to receive the long distance phone call from my sister that he had died.

For many, Father’s Day provides an opportunity to slow down and reflect on growing up with their father or step-father, fondly looking back to earlier times.

The Life and Times of Frank Weiss

There was one thing for sure that I know about my Dad, something I could literally take to the bank. Married for over 62 years, he passionately adored his wife, Sally, who he considered to be the most important person in his life. My twin brother, James, and two older sisters, Mickie and Nancy, and then ultimately his grandchildren, would also be very important to him throughout his long life, too.

As a youngster, I remember Dad’s work ethic, always working hard to support the family, oftentimes sitting, at the wrought iron and glass kitchen table, late into the evening hour working on his weekly reports. Although he worked long hours, Dad always found time to go to a ball game or just spend time with his kids.

Dad was like the Energizer rabbit – he kept working, working and working. There was no retirement for this man, who had worked for over 33 years at Colbert Volks, a well-known woman’s clothing store in Dallas, Texas. Two years after his bypass surgery, my 70-year old Dad wanted to chart a new career course, so he began a second job and worked at C’est Simone, a national manufacturer of women’s apparel, until the mid-80s. Amazingly, during his long career in woman’s retail, he could literally see a style or clothing trend well long before it happened, always predicting what new coat styles would sell in a particular season.

Looking Back Over the Years

I will always remember…

How we shot hoops in the backyard for ice cream. Dad always lost at the last moment– we always won, getting that double-dipped chocolate ice cream as a prize.

At restaurants, I remember Dad drinking cup after cup of black coffee at Luby’s Cafeteria, with the decaf coffee never being quite being hot enough for his taste.

In his later years, Dad would oftentimes reach out to strangers in very simple ways. He always carried that roll of Susan B. Anthony dollars, giving out the coins to the lucky ones who crossed his path. “Don’t spend them,” they’re lucky coins,” he would say. Just before his funeral we found his stash of coins, and everyone who attended the service got their “lucky coin.”

He was a practical joker, but at times a little too stubborn. As a very young child, sitting at a street curb he put his small leg in front of a truck, daring the vehicle to stop. This particular time the joke was on him – the truck moved, his leg didn’t, and bones in one leg were broken.

As a teenager, Dad would tip over outhouses throughout his neighborhood. He would assure me that nobody was in them. Always the practical joker, at his sister-in-law’s house in Pikesville, Maryland, Dad walked over to her neighbor’s house and with a straight face gave him advice on how to plant a tree. Heeding his authoritative advice, the neighbor kept digging the hole deeper, deeper, and deeper, until the ball of the tree was five feet from the top of the hole. Luckily, a local landscaper would come by and inform the gullible neighbor that the hole was too deep.

Throughout his long life, Dad cared about people. During his Army days, as an officer of the day, he ordered a cook to put cold cuts out for a group of soldiers who came by to eat after being out in the rain all day. The watery beef stew was not good enough for these guys, he would later tell me. While his superiors called him on the carpet for that act of kindness, he stood up to the military bureaucracy, demanding them to be accountable to their troops.

By tapping his business colleagues, Dad would successfully raise money for the AMC Cancer Society to help those battling this dreaded disease. Later, he would be recognized by the organization for his fund-raising efforts. I often think, perhaps that is where I get my skills in fundraising.

Life’s Little Lessons

I remember during the ups and downs in my brother and sisters personal and professional careers, Dad was always there giving us practical advice, encouragement, and support, often times through little gifts.

Last week, going through a cluttered desk drawer I found a small book given to me by Dad almost 15 years ago. The inspirational book, Life’s Little Instruction Book, penned by author, H. J. Brown, Jr., from Middle Tennessee, gave simple words of wisdom gleaned from his life experience, as well as others.

This small tome caught the attention of my Dad along with the American public, becoming the first book to ever occupy the number one spot on the New York Times best-seller list in both paperback and hard cover formats simultaneously. It has logged more than two years on this prestigious daily newspaper’s best-seller list, including more than a year at the number one spot. The little plaid book was written as a going-away present for Brown’s college-bound son, containing 511 simple suggestions, observations, and reminders on how to live a happy and rewarding life.

So as Father’s Day approaches, memories of my Dad come to me again, giving me his sage advice on how to have a fulfilling personal and professional life. All I have to do is go through the pages of this long lost book he gave me and read the following suggestions, observations and reminders, he marked, with a blue dot, the ones he liked the best.

Here is a sampling:

“When someone wants to hire you even if it’s a job you have little interest in, talk to them. Never close the door on an opportunity until you’ve had a chance to hear the offer in person.”

“Never deprive someone of hope because it might be all they have.”

“When starting out, don’t worry about not having enough money. Limited funds are a blessing and not a curse. Nothing encourages creative thinking in quite the same way.”

“Give yourself an hour to cool off before responding to someone who has provoked you. If it involves something really important, give yourself overnight.”

“Don’t waste time responding to your critics.”

“Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with the big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.”

“Give people a second change, but not a third.”

“Read carefully anything that requires your signature. Remember the big print giveth and the small print taketh away.”

“Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.”

“Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.”

“Judge your success by the degree that you are enjoying peace, health, and love.”

“Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in a harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out.”

“Just to see how it feels, for the next twenty-four hours refrain from criticizing anyone or anything.”

“Don’t be rushed into making an important decision. People will understand if you say, ‘I’d like a little more time to think it over. Can I get back to you tomorrow?”

“Send your loved one flowers. Think of a reason later.”

“Be prepared. You never get a second change to make a good first impression.”

“Select a doctor your own age so you can grow old together.”

“Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, “Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office.”

“Don’t flaunt your success, but don’t apologize for it either.”

“Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.”

Most importantly, “Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.”

Brown’s book reminds us the importance of taking simple actions that can lead to a more fulfilling life. It’s a great gift for parent’s to give to their children. To purchase Life’s Little Instruction Book, go to http://www.amazon.com/Lifes-Little-Instruction-Book-Observations/dp/B002MAQSIO/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1370916533&sr=8-5&keywords=H.+Jackson+Brown.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer covering aging, health care and medical issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

Red Bandana Fund Concert to be Walton’s Legacy

Published in Pawtucket Times, June 7, 2013

           Richard Walton, who died on Dec. 27, would have loved it.  Five months after his death one late Sunday afternoon, over 40 people including the musicians who had just played at The Red Bandana Fund Inaugural Concert (that was attended by hundreds), family members along with the organizers and volunteers of this fundraiser, gathered to drink beer and reminisce about Walton’s extraordinary life at his favorite Pawtucket hangout, Doherty’s East Avenue Irish Pub.

          People swapped favorite stories for hours, detailing how the late Walton “touched their lives,” noted one attendee, Richard Wahlberg, one of the organizers.  “Every one had such an interesting story to tell about Richard,” he stated, noting that the Warwick resident, known as a social activist, educator, humanitarian, very prolific writer, and a co-founder of Pawtucket’s Stone Soup Coffee House “had made everyone feel that they themselves had a very special, close relationship with him.” 

         Seeing so many of Walton’s friends at June 2nd concert, Wahlberg and other attending viewed the event as a “gathering of the clan” since the audience was really Walton’s extended Rhode Island family.    

 Walton’s Legacy of Supporting the Needy

         The idea to organize last weekend’s fundraiser concert to raise money to support the causes of the late Richard Walton and others like him who work to improve the human condition was literally kicked around a few days after Walton’s death by his daughter, Cathy Barnard, his son Richard and a few close friends, noted nationally-acclaimed children’s entertainer and storyteller, Bill Harley.   

          According to Harley, an annual fundraiser, supporting the newly formed Red Bandana Fund, would replace Walton’s annual birthday bash – usually held the first Sunday in June – to raise money for Amos House & the Providence-Niquinohomo Sister City Project and other progressive causes.  Over 24 years, Walton had raised large sums of money for these favorite charities, attracting hundreds of people each year including the state’s powerful political and media elite to celebrate his progressive causes at his family compound located at Pawtuxet Cove in Warwick. 

         Coming up with a name for Walton’s fundraiser that would ultimately be tied to his unique fashion sense and was the idea of her brother, Richard, states Barnard.  Her brother, like most people, had a vivid, visual image of his father, who had long white hair and beard, being known for wearing his trademark worn blue jean overalls, a red bandana and Stone Soup baseball cap.

          “When Dad’s closest friends came over to the house after his death they wanted one of his red bandanas to remember him,” Barnard remembered.

       “It was like a talisman to them,” stated Barnard, that became a great way to create the perfect moniker and recognition for an upcoming fundraiser.

          Barnard says that her father didn’t opt for a traditional burial, so there would be no monument of stone over his grave to remember him or a place for family and friends to visit.  His cremated remains were scattered the day before the Sunday fundraiser by his family and very close friends in his beloved garden and sent by paper boat from the inlet where his compound was located into Narragansett Bay.

         But, there is The Red Bandana Fund now, says Barnard, noting that “we cannot think of a more appropriate memorial.”  Over 300 people attended the inaugural Walton fundraiser, bringing in more than $12,000 from ticket sales, silent action and raffle.

          At this event, the first recipient of The Red Bandana Fund Award, Amos House, was chosen because of Walton’s very long relationship with the Providence-based nonprofit.  He was a founding board member, serving for over 30 years, being board chair for a number of years.  For almost three decades, the homeless advocate spent an overnight shift with the men who lived in the 90-Day Shelter Program each Thursday bringing them milk and cookies.  Each Friday morning he would make pancakes and eggs in the soup kitchen for hundreds of men and women who came to eat a hot meal.

 Putting the Pieces Together

         The organizers were gathered by Bill Harley on the advice of Richard’s family and those closest to him from the progressive community and organizations Richard was affiliated with.  In true Richard Walton fashion this was a largely self organizing group built on the complementary strengths of the members, noted Wahlberg.  Over five months, this group had planned all the organizational facets, from marketing, pre-selling tickets, booking Shea High School, recruiting volunteers for the day of the event, along with getting items donated to be sold at a silent auction and raffle.

         With the decision to host a fundraising concert, “it became incredibly painful to have to limit the list of who we would invite to play,” said Harley, noting that every one who knew Walton wanted to perform to pay tribute to him.

          As Rudy Cheeks, of Phillipe + Jorge’s Cool, Cool, World, would remark in his May 31st column, the two hour concert would be an amazing blend of folk and traditional music, a little bit of classical, along with singer-songwriting greats, all sharing the same stage for the evening.  They included: widely recognized singers and song writers, Bill Harley, Kate Katzberg, Atwater-Donnelly, Sally Rogers and Howie Bursen, Christina Tompson, accompanied by Cathy Clasper-Torch on fiddle and Marty Ballou on stand up bass.  Consuelo Sherba opened the concert by playing a short classical set.

        According to Harley, who served as the event’s musical director, internet files of the selected music (three songs for each performer) went back and forth between those chosen to play, to help them to quickly learn the music to be played at the upcoming concert.  He noted that each song had to have simple chord arrangements with words that the audience could easily remember. Most important, “these songs were chosen to reflect who Richard, the person was,” he said.  Amazingly, the musicians would gather just two hours before the performance to practice with each other.

 Those Who Knew Him

         At intermission, I caught up with Andy Smith, former music critic at the Providence Journal who now covers hard news for that daily paper.  He knew Walton for years covering Stone Soup Coffee House and sporadically attending his legendary birthday party over the years.  “No one could hang out in Rhode Island without knowing about Richard Walton,” he says.  That’s true.

         The Red Bandana Fund Inaugural Concert was a “very sweet, very nice chance for people who know Richard to come together and celebrate his life,” observed Smith, noting that “the best way to do this was through music.”  He would have had a good time if he were here today, says Smith, adding that  “May be he is here [in spirit].”

         Like many attendees, Jane Falvey, treasurer of Stone Soup Coffee House noted, that Walton touched many lives. “Like stones cast into a pond, the ripples form ever-widening circles that overlap, and so it was at the inaugural Red Bandana Concert – Richard’s many circles embracing each other in remembering and celebrating his wonderful life and the purpose he created in all of us,” she said.

        Also in attendance, Dr. Michael Fine, Director of Rhode Island’s Department of Health, who came with his wife, Carol, called Walton  his “old friend,”  giving him a unique descriptive nickname, the “Prince of Pay it Forward.”

         Dr. Fine believes that Walton understood the value of living in a democracy. “He taught us about this value and gave us examples of what we would have to do each and every day to keep it alive,” he said.  Walton also taught us how to take care of each other,” stated Dr. Fine. 

         Linde Rachel, a resident of Maureillas, France, and companion of Walton’s for 9 years who traveled with him throughout Europe, Africa and the Baltic States, sees an important message in the songs sung at last Sunday’s The Red Bandana Fundraiser.  “The songs were all about being part of a community, the one that he helped to create and was part of,” stated Rachel.   

         Days later, Barnard tells me that she is thrilled with the success of The Red Bandana Fund Inaugural Concert.  “We were amazed at the large turnout,” she says, noting that she even met people in person she had heard her father talk about over his long years.

         “We’re hoping that this will be just the beginning and not the end of it,” says Barnard, the beginning legacy of her father’s long-tradition of giving back to those in need.

       Her father would surely nod his head in agreement.

          For more information about donating to The Red Bandana Fund, go to http://www.soup.org/page1/RedBandana.html.

         Herb Weiss, LRI’12, is a writer who covers health care, aging, and medical issues.  He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

Great Futures Start at Boys and Girls Club of Pawtucket

Published in Pawtucket Times, May 24, 2013

Founded over 113 years ago, more than 100,000 youngsters have come through the doors of the Boys and Girls Club of Pawtucket (BGCP). The lives of these young children, most coming from blue-collar families, were shaped by the opportunity of daily contact with adult mentors. They also developed friendship and camaraderie with their young peers, all this giving them life lessons that would ultimately propel them into successful careers.

Learning Valuable Life Lessons.

Daniel Brito, 42, executive director of Blackstone Valley Youth & Family Collaborative, Inc., formerly from Pawtucket’s Woodlawn neighborhood, now living with his wife, Jane, a graphic designer, and 11-year-old daughter, Alivia in East Providence, remembers his younger days at the Pawtucket Club.

For over a decade, Brito, a nonprofit executive, oversees an agency that provides residential and community based supports to adolescent males ages 17-21. Currently his staff of 25 employees provide services to 20 clients, this funded by the State of Rhode Island, Department of Children Youth & Families. The young man has also worked in the fields of business development, project management, construction, customer service, social work, and even co-owned three Dunkin Donuts in Maryland.

In 1977, Brito, age 7, began his membership at the Pawtucket Club, including attending summer camp, with John his eleven year old brother. Brito, states his father, a merchant marine and mother, a worker at Monet Jewelry, enrolled their young boys at the BGCP to give them an opportunity to participate in supervised activities rather than just letting them play at the park or on the street.

Over the years, Brito’s involvement with the Club would evolve into becoming an employee for six years. He was named “Youth of The Year”, in 1988 and continues to assist as a judge in the annual youth of the year competition.

According to Brito, being a BGCP member for 15 years gave him the life skills to succeed in life. Personal attention from staff enhanced his self-esteem, even their constant encouragement to attend college along with their “real life advice” were key factors that pushed him into attending college, where he ultimately was awarded a Bachelor of Art Degree in Elementary Education from Rhode Island College. He is the first in his family to attend college.

Team sport activities, overseen by the late Mike Pappas, along with young Jim Hoyt and Peter Lavellee, even had an impact on his future management style, that is “the benefit of team work far out weighs the benefit of working as an individual.”

Being a BGCP Trustee and member of its Governance Committee and as well as a Board member of Cape Verdean American Community Development Agency, allows him to give back to the current BGCP members and to his cultural community.

Pushing Yourself, “Never Say Can’t”

As Brito, Kristin Lyons, 43, a licensed clinical social work with 20 years working in the Domestic Violence field, who serves as Executive Director of the Providence-based Women’s Center of Rhode Island, became involved with the BGCP at age 6, living at that time in Pawtucket’s Darlington neighborhood.

Lyons and her sister, Susan, would join the BGCP to learn the art of swimming at its East Avenue site. She would ultimately swim on its swim team, receiving awards and recognition, beginning at elementary school ending with her graduation at Tolman High School.

Being on the swim team taught the young child to understand the importance of being part of the team. “Obviously you improved yourself individually but you worked for the team,” she said. More over, she vividly remembers Hoyt, teaching her to never use the word “can’t.” This taught Lyons to push herself as far as she could and not give up. “A very good life lesson,” she says, noting that “You have to think you can do it if you want to succeed with your goals and work toward your dreams.”

“Being part of a community, being a member of the swim team family, and having adult role models around were important for me reaching my goals,” said Lyons. Her parents would both volunteer at swimming meets, her father being a judge and timer and her mother also timing, working concessions and helping with score keeping.

Lyons claims the BGCP taught her to work hard to achieve her goals, one being attending college. She would graduate from Northeastern University with a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice in 1993 and from Salem State College with a Master of Social Work in 2000. She was a member of the 2006 Leadership Rhode Island Class.

Now, serving as BGCP’s second vice president, after her service as a trustee and board member for six years, Lyons works tirelessly to ensure that the nonprofit group can meet the needs of future generations. .

A Life-Time Commitment

Seventy-three-year old, Philip A. Ayoub, owner of Pawtucket-based Ayoub Engineering, has very long ties with the Club, that is over 67 years.

The respected civil engineer, also a Pawtucket Hall of Fame and BGCP Hall of Fame inductee, became a BGCP member at age 6, along with his two brothers Naseem, age 7, and Edward, age 5. He remembered at the time he became a member in 1946, there was no emphasis on education, only vocational trades, such as printing and woodworking, and sports activities. The late Mike Pappas taught him to have respect for authority, to take responsibility for his actions, along with giving him an opportunity to participate in “honest [sports] competition.” He learned how to interact with “kids he did not know,” who came from different backgrounds and ethnicities.

Heeding his parents’ advice that “to have a good life you need an education,” Ayoub would receive a Bachelor of Science Degree in Civil Engineering from the University of Rhode Island.

While his many awards he received at the BGCP are packed up, he has proudly hung in his office pictures of him being recognized as the Boy of the Year in 1953, and his BGCP Service to Youth Awards, from serving 20 plus years on the Board including being its President for two consecutive, three year terms.

Says Ayoub, “For me, my interest in the Club when I reached a level of professional success was to give something back. The more involved I became with the Club, the more inspired I became seeing young children developing into mature, responsible citizens.”

Thoughts from the Top Exec

Jim Hoyt, the BGCP’s long-time chief executive officer, sees a need for facility improvements to handle a growing membership. Over the last decade, membership has increased from 3,000 to 4,500. Not surprising, daily attendance has jumped, now hovering around 300 children, ages 5-18, coming to the Club daily. Ultimately, with the conclusion of a planned expansion, “we’ll have 500 to 600 kids attending each day after-school.”

Youth join the BGCP for help with homework and tutoring and for assurance from a staff of caring and nurturing youth development professionals. They participate in year-round recreation and sports activities. They enjoy a hot, nutritious meal at dinnertime. They take classes in art, theatre and dance. They learn to use computers. They receive career guidance and advice. They find friendship. They gain self-respect. In essence, they realize their full potential.

The Club is all about providing opportunities to kids, Hoyt says. “We want them to graduate from high school, be good people and contributing members of society, and to live healthy lives,” he remarks, noting that “Everything we do is aimed at these three outcomes.”

Hoyt says, over time, the BGCP has become a highly regarded, award-winning youth development organization with thriving, innovative enrichment and recreational programs and an ever-increasing daily enrollment.

BGCP is moving in the right direction, says Hoyt. “Our board is incredible! They are passionate, engaged, and outstanding examples of what a board should be. Close to half are former members of the Club,” he says.

And, Hoyt notes that his board is 150% behind the current expansion project, donating more than a half a million dollars to this project. “Their timely generosity helped us meet a $1 million challenge grant from The Champlin Foundations,” he says.

Hoyt is pleased that BGCP’s Capital Campaign is on target. “We are exactly where we hoped to be at this point – but we definitely have some work ahead of us as we look to break ground next year. We have raised close to $5.5 Million, with an ultimate goal of $8 Million: $7 Million will be for the Capital Project – with another $1 Million for program endowment to support the increased operations,” he remarks.

The planned expansion will build a Club that will allow the Pawtucket nonprofit to serve more kids, and to serve them better. A newly designed and enhanced Clubhouse will provide a new teen center and gym for teen members, centralized visual and performing arts spaces, better functionality in our pre-teen area which will reduce overcrowding in education, technology, at mealtime, and beyond – and allow for safer, more controlled access to the building.

Once the build out is completed, Hoyt expects to see the daily attendance to jump to around 600 members, with a primary goal of attracting more at-risk teens by doubling the space dedicated to them. Expanded daily service hours for each age group, combined with expanded space, will enhance programming for education and career preparation, the arts, and healthy lifestyles.

Hoyt expects to break ground in March of 2014. The summer will be spent renovating the interior of the existing building so that programming and services can begin again by September. The addition of the new Teen Center will be completed over the course of the Fall, with a ribbon cutting for the new facility in January of 2015.

Today, generations of BGCP members have joined, come and gone. But, positive experiences combined with being provided with the right tools to succeed, have given them a leg up to become successful in their professional careers, contributing to the betterment of society.

For membership and programming information visit http://www.bgcpawt.org or to learn more about the BGCP’s Building Better Futures Capital and Endowment Campaign, call the Club at 401-722-8840 to set up a tour.

Herb Weiss, LRI’12 is a Pawtucket-based writer covering aging, health care and medical issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.