Category Archives for People

Great Futures Start at Boys and Girls Club of Pawtucket

Published in Pawtucket Times, May 24, 2013

Founded over 113 years ago, more than 100,000 youngsters have come through the doors of the Boys and Girls Club of Pawtucket (BGCP). The lives of these young children, most coming from blue-collar families, were shaped by the opportunity of daily contact with adult mentors. They also developed friendship and camaraderie with their young peers, all this giving them life lessons that would ultimately propel them into successful careers.

Learning Valuable Life Lessons.

Daniel Brito, 42, executive director of Blackstone Valley Youth & Family Collaborative, Inc., formerly from Pawtucket’s Woodlawn neighborhood, now living with his wife, Jane, a graphic designer, and 11-year-old daughter, Alivia in East Providence, remembers his younger days at the Pawtucket Club.

For over a decade, Brito, a nonprofit executive, oversees an agency that provides residential and community based supports to adolescent males ages 17-21. Currently his staff of 25 employees provide services to 20 clients, this funded by the State of Rhode Island, Department of Children Youth & Families. The young man has also worked in the fields of business development, project management, construction, customer service, social work, and even co-owned three Dunkin Donuts in Maryland.

In 1977, Brito, age 7, began his membership at the Pawtucket Club, including attending summer camp, with John his eleven year old brother. Brito, states his father, a merchant marine and mother, a worker at Monet Jewelry, enrolled their young boys at the BGCP to give them an opportunity to participate in supervised activities rather than just letting them play at the park or on the street.

Over the years, Brito’s involvement with the Club would evolve into becoming an employee for six years. He was named “Youth of The Year”, in 1988 and continues to assist as a judge in the annual youth of the year competition.

According to Brito, being a BGCP member for 15 years gave him the life skills to succeed in life. Personal attention from staff enhanced his self-esteem, even their constant encouragement to attend college along with their “real life advice” were key factors that pushed him into attending college, where he ultimately was awarded a Bachelor of Art Degree in Elementary Education from Rhode Island College. He is the first in his family to attend college.

Team sport activities, overseen by the late Mike Pappas, along with young Jim Hoyt and Peter Lavellee, even had an impact on his future management style, that is “the benefit of team work far out weighs the benefit of working as an individual.”

Being a BGCP Trustee and member of its Governance Committee and as well as a Board member of Cape Verdean American Community Development Agency, allows him to give back to the current BGCP members and to his cultural community.

Pushing Yourself, “Never Say Can’t”

As Brito, Kristin Lyons, 43, a licensed clinical social work with 20 years working in the Domestic Violence field, who serves as Executive Director of the Providence-based Women’s Center of Rhode Island, became involved with the BGCP at age 6, living at that time in Pawtucket’s Darlington neighborhood.

Lyons and her sister, Susan, would join the BGCP to learn the art of swimming at its East Avenue site. She would ultimately swim on its swim team, receiving awards and recognition, beginning at elementary school ending with her graduation at Tolman High School.

Being on the swim team taught the young child to understand the importance of being part of the team. “Obviously you improved yourself individually but you worked for the team,” she said. More over, she vividly remembers Hoyt, teaching her to never use the word “can’t.” This taught Lyons to push herself as far as she could and not give up. “A very good life lesson,” she says, noting that “You have to think you can do it if you want to succeed with your goals and work toward your dreams.”

“Being part of a community, being a member of the swim team family, and having adult role models around were important for me reaching my goals,” said Lyons. Her parents would both volunteer at swimming meets, her father being a judge and timer and her mother also timing, working concessions and helping with score keeping.

Lyons claims the BGCP taught her to work hard to achieve her goals, one being attending college. She would graduate from Northeastern University with a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice in 1993 and from Salem State College with a Master of Social Work in 2000. She was a member of the 2006 Leadership Rhode Island Class.

Now, serving as BGCP’s second vice president, after her service as a trustee and board member for six years, Lyons works tirelessly to ensure that the nonprofit group can meet the needs of future generations. .

A Life-Time Commitment

Seventy-three-year old, Philip A. Ayoub, owner of Pawtucket-based Ayoub Engineering, has very long ties with the Club, that is over 67 years.

The respected civil engineer, also a Pawtucket Hall of Fame and BGCP Hall of Fame inductee, became a BGCP member at age 6, along with his two brothers Naseem, age 7, and Edward, age 5. He remembered at the time he became a member in 1946, there was no emphasis on education, only vocational trades, such as printing and woodworking, and sports activities. The late Mike Pappas taught him to have respect for authority, to take responsibility for his actions, along with giving him an opportunity to participate in “honest [sports] competition.” He learned how to interact with “kids he did not know,” who came from different backgrounds and ethnicities.

Heeding his parents’ advice that “to have a good life you need an education,” Ayoub would receive a Bachelor of Science Degree in Civil Engineering from the University of Rhode Island.

While his many awards he received at the BGCP are packed up, he has proudly hung in his office pictures of him being recognized as the Boy of the Year in 1953, and his BGCP Service to Youth Awards, from serving 20 plus years on the Board including being its President for two consecutive, three year terms.

Says Ayoub, “For me, my interest in the Club when I reached a level of professional success was to give something back. The more involved I became with the Club, the more inspired I became seeing young children developing into mature, responsible citizens.”

Thoughts from the Top Exec

Jim Hoyt, the BGCP’s long-time chief executive officer, sees a need for facility improvements to handle a growing membership. Over the last decade, membership has increased from 3,000 to 4,500. Not surprising, daily attendance has jumped, now hovering around 300 children, ages 5-18, coming to the Club daily. Ultimately, with the conclusion of a planned expansion, “we’ll have 500 to 600 kids attending each day after-school.”

Youth join the BGCP for help with homework and tutoring and for assurance from a staff of caring and nurturing youth development professionals. They participate in year-round recreation and sports activities. They enjoy a hot, nutritious meal at dinnertime. They take classes in art, theatre and dance. They learn to use computers. They receive career guidance and advice. They find friendship. They gain self-respect. In essence, they realize their full potential.

The Club is all about providing opportunities to kids, Hoyt says. “We want them to graduate from high school, be good people and contributing members of society, and to live healthy lives,” he remarks, noting that “Everything we do is aimed at these three outcomes.”

Hoyt says, over time, the BGCP has become a highly regarded, award-winning youth development organization with thriving, innovative enrichment and recreational programs and an ever-increasing daily enrollment.

BGCP is moving in the right direction, says Hoyt. “Our board is incredible! They are passionate, engaged, and outstanding examples of what a board should be. Close to half are former members of the Club,” he says.

And, Hoyt notes that his board is 150% behind the current expansion project, donating more than a half a million dollars to this project. “Their timely generosity helped us meet a $1 million challenge grant from The Champlin Foundations,” he says.

Hoyt is pleased that BGCP’s Capital Campaign is on target. “We are exactly where we hoped to be at this point – but we definitely have some work ahead of us as we look to break ground next year. We have raised close to $5.5 Million, with an ultimate goal of $8 Million: $7 Million will be for the Capital Project – with another $1 Million for program endowment to support the increased operations,” he remarks.

The planned expansion will build a Club that will allow the Pawtucket nonprofit to serve more kids, and to serve them better. A newly designed and enhanced Clubhouse will provide a new teen center and gym for teen members, centralized visual and performing arts spaces, better functionality in our pre-teen area which will reduce overcrowding in education, technology, at mealtime, and beyond – and allow for safer, more controlled access to the building.

Once the build out is completed, Hoyt expects to see the daily attendance to jump to around 600 members, with a primary goal of attracting more at-risk teens by doubling the space dedicated to them. Expanded daily service hours for each age group, combined with expanded space, will enhance programming for education and career preparation, the arts, and healthy lifestyles.

Hoyt expects to break ground in March of 2014. The summer will be spent renovating the interior of the existing building so that programming and services can begin again by September. The addition of the new Teen Center will be completed over the course of the Fall, with a ribbon cutting for the new facility in January of 2015.

Today, generations of BGCP members have joined, come and gone. But, positive experiences combined with being provided with the right tools to succeed, have given them a leg up to become successful in their professional careers, contributing to the betterment of society.

For membership and programming information visit http://www.bgcpawt.org or to learn more about the BGCP’s Building Better Futures Capital and Endowment Campaign, call the Club at 401-722-8840 to set up a tour.

Herb Weiss, LRI’12 is a Pawtucket-based writer covering aging, health care and medical issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

So, Who Was Harry Weathersby Stamps

Published in the Pawtucket Times, March 22, 2013

         Once upon a time, the New York Times was reputed to publish the best, the most colorful obituaries that wove resume-like facts and personal stories together, to concisely sum up a person’s life and death.  Now the legendary daily newspaper has competition.  With the passing of Harry Weathersby Stamps on March 9, 2013, his obituary was printed in the Sun Herald, his hometown newspaper.  The daily paper, covering South Mississippi, called it “the best obit ever.”  I totally agree.  More interesting to me is that the obituary, written by his daughter, has gone viral on Twitter and Facebook, and emails, receiving rave reviews around the world. .   

             During a very long drive to Long Beach, Mississippi, where Stamps had died at home, surrounded by family, daughter Amanda Lewis, an attorney at Irving, Texas-based TRT Holdings, penned the obituary  [edited by her sister Alison Stamps] of her eighty-year old father, a former educator at Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College at the Jeff Davis Campus.

             Lewis’s colorful, light-hearted and humorous 841 word obituary, detailing her father’s extreme quirky, likes and dislikes, has now caught the attention of the nation through the news media, even the entire world via the world-wide web.

 So who was Harry Stamps?

             According to Lewis, her father was a “ladies’ man,” “foodie,” “natty dresser,” and even a “accomplished traveler.”  He disliked phonies, she noted, especially “know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words ‘veranda’ and ‘porte cochere’ to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and even Martha Stewart. That is in reverse order, she quipped.

            But he did love his 1969 Volvo. 

            As to the important women throughout his eight decades, there were many, Lewis reveals in the published obituary.  Almost 50 years ago her father married his “main squeeze, Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, raising two girls, Amanda and Alison, she said.   

            Lewis fondly remembers that her father taught her along with her sister how “to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful,”  taking “great pride in stocking their tool boxes.”

            The obituary notes that Stamps beloved mother, the late Wilma Hatzog, raised him in his teenage years with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron.“He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg,” Lewis said.

             More over, Lewis says that her father loved his grandchildren. “He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis (8) and William Stamps Lewis (6) of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls, she said.

 Who Says Politics and Religion Don’t Mix?

             As to politics, “One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President,” adds Lewis, who noted that her father was a former government and sociology professor.  She shared that Stamps, with an interest in both politics and religion, “enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians.”

             Lewis remembers him often saying, “I am not running for political office or trying to get married” when he was “speaking the truth.” .

             The obituary noted that over Stamp’s lifetime, he had developed culinary tastes for particular delicacies.  Her father made his “signature” bacon and tomato sandwich with “100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer’s black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee’s Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription.”   

            He even openly had “a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [pronounced Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread,” she admitted.  

Juggling Many Hobbies in Retirement

            What does Stamps’ obituary say about his many hobbies and leisure activities?

            Her farther, having green thumbs, “excelled at growing camellias,” says Lewis. His knack for carpentry, were just the skills needed for “rebuilding houses after hurricanes [like Katrina],” she notes.

            Because history was important to Stamps, he would read any history book he could get his hands on, Lewis said. As for his love of cable programming, the history buff “loved to use his oversized ‘old man’ remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel,“ she added.

            “Rocking,” eradicating mole crickets from his front yard,” composting pine needles,” living within his means,” and even “outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness,” also tweaked his interest, too, in his later years, Lewis observed.  

            As to military service, “he also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal–just like Napoleon, as he would say,” Lewis penned in the obituary. .

            Lewis acknowledged that her father “took fashion cues from no one.”  Usually his daily dress, was a “plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom.  Black-label elastic waist shorts were worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam’s on Highway 49.  He sported a pair of old school Wallabees.  But most will remember his wearing of a grass-stained MSU baseball cap, she said.

            On his many family vacations, Lewis remembered her father “only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina.”   The avid outdoorsman always upgraded his tent rental to have a creek view.  Later in life he would purchase a used pop-up camper for “his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life,” she said. 

            The obituary concluded by noting that a private, family only service would be held, because of Stamps’ “irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport.”  A “theme” free funeral was held.

            The family urged friends, and colleagues of Stamps to “write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Savings Time.”  Why?  Stamps wanted “everyone to get back on the Lord’s Time.”  

Stamps Obituary Goes Viral

            On a very slow news day, the “finely crafted words of this loving tribute” published in the Sun Herald quickly spread, from one person to another by Facebook postings, Tweeting, and emails, sending the heartwarming obituary viral, from Long Beach to all corners of the world, noted Vice President and Executive Editor Stan Tiner, in his March 14th column touching on Lewis’ “seamless” obituary.

            “In the days that followed, the tsunami-like power of the Harry Stamps obituary washed away records on our website, with only Hurricane Katrina remaining above this viral surge of page views,” said an amazed Tiner in his column, who noted within days the company’s website recorded a whopping 530,000 page views with the obituary drawing a considerable part of that traffic. Even the following day visits exceeded 500,000 page views, he said. 

            Meanwhile, a front page story in the Sun Herald about the previously printed “well crafted” obituary attracted reader interest, in the next days becoming the newspapers “all-time single-story record-holder with more than 100,000 page views,” added Tiner.

            “Untold thousands heralded the late college dean and the perfect obituary. One tweet called him “the most interesting man in the world,” said Tiner in his column, noting that Stamps “everyman common sense, taste and humor brought to mind a modern-day Will Rogers.”

            Yes, Lewis’ colorfully-written obituary clearly details her father’s total persona, his spirit, most certainly, his uniqueness.  In life, he chose to march to a different drummer, his family knew this and accepted it, too. In death, his life story told by his obituary keeps his memory alive in the hearts of his wife, Ann, daughters Amanda and Alison, and to the millions of people, including this columnist, who now know him.

            To see the original obituary, go to http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/sunherald/obituary.aspx?pid=163538353#storylink=cpy

            Herb Weiss, LRI ’12 is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer who covers health care, aging and medical issues.  He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

 

 

Taking Stock in Reviewing Your Later Decades

Published in Pawtucket Times, March 8, 2013

During the turbulent 1960s, young protestors would say “Never trust anyone over 30 years old.” Today, now the younger generation sees the benefits of successfully transitioning into their thirties and well beyond.

Aging baby boomers now realize they are entering late adulthood when they receive AARP’s membership invitation to join America’s largest aging advocacy group in their late 40s. This little notification announces your chronological age (even though you have not made age 50 yet), is quickly tilting toward your later years, some would joke a key reminder that your senior years are fast approaching.

What about moving into your 60s? You’re still professionally at the peak of your career, but five years shy of moving into the rank and file of the retired.

On Becoming Age 60

In 2003, Dr. Justin Aurbach, a Dallas-based endodontist, who just happens to be my brother-in-law, would be turning age 60 in a few months. At that time, he shared with me the following thoughts about the impending age milestone.

“It’s great [moving into his 60s],” Justin noted, saying far too much [cultural] negativity has been piled onto this chronological age.

While some become frail or face debilitating chronic conditions as they enter into their 60s, at that time my aging brother-in-law was still in relatively good physical shape. However, he did acknowledge that he could not run a four-minute mile, but he never could at any age, he joked. But over ten years ago when we talked about his views on turning age 60, Justin told me that he played a little golf (like many of his friends), walked and jogged, even spending time to weight lifting.

Justin’s was a believer in vitamins and he took “a lot of them,” back then, he admitted.

As he moved into his middle sixties, Justin believed strongly that he would still be at the top of his game, still improving with age. At this time he said, “not only am I technically better, but my years of life experience have made me wiser in respect to knowing what can and can not be done in my life.”

Aging researchers have found that being plugged into a social network of family and friends is a key ingredient to successful aging. Justin must have read their studies. The aging endodontist told me he was still very lucky to have many friends who were part of his large external family.

With his upcoming birthday propelling him into is 60s, over ten years ago, he spoke of the loving support of his long-time wife, Michelle, 59, [my oldest sister] along with children their Jennifer, Leslie and Stephanie.

In his 2003 life review, looking over his almost sixty years of living, Justin remembered the ups and downs of his life. For him, times of sadness included the loss of his mother, common parental problems that he experienced with raising his daughters and failure to quickly achieve some of his professional goals.

However, his philosophy of looking at the glass half-full rather than half empty enable him to cope with adversity. This life stage was also a time of excitement and learning for him, moving into the “best time of your life.”

Getting to the Big “70”

Over a decade ago, when we spoke about his thoughts about turning age 60, Justin told me that he would “certainly keep forging ahead at a break neck pace.” New goals would always replace those that would be accomplished, he promised. In 2013, his pace has not slowed down one bit.

Justin acknowledged that advances in medical technology leading to the advent of non invasive tests, the near elimination of many dreaded diseases and a greater understanding of genetics and molecular biological have increased the odds for his celebrating the big “70.”

Today, Justin is age 69, ready to enter his 70th decade. Since his 2003 interview, he has adopted his fourteen-year-old granddaughter, Allison. Over the years, he has attended dozens of funerals, saying his goodbyes to his wife, father, father-in-law, mother-in-law, even close friends and colleagues. Regularly seeing familiar names on the obit page of the Dallas Morning News and attending funerals makes him aware of the need to accomplish his goals with the time he has left.

“Life goes on,” he says. A year after his wife’s death in 2009, the aging widower began to date, Ruth, a retired audiologist who now works as a fundraiser for a nonprofit charity.

Moving into his seventh decade, there will be no retirement or gold watch for my brother-in-law. Even though financially secure, Justin plans to continue to maintain a very full practice until his eighty-fifth birthday. His teaching of entry level endodontic students at Texas AM Baylor School of Dentistry will continue into his later years, too. A former president of the Dallas County Dental Society, he intends to stay active in the medical group.

Justin won’t be sitting in a rocker on the porch of his sprawling home in North Dallas. Being an avid bike rider for over 30 years, even with his busy schedule, he will still sneak in a ride when possible. Like his earlier years, he will continue to enjoy the fine dining establishments in his City, cook for family and friends, and even catch a play or chamber music performance.

But with advance age, there are challenges that many of his contemporaries face, Justin notes. He is working hard to help his older children become more financially independent. Like many aging baby boomers, in this severe economic downturn he has picked up a portion of their household expenses.

As an older parent of a young teenager, Justin finds it extremely challenging to keep up with the “high energy level” required in parenting. “It keeps you young, on your toes and aware of what is going on with the younger generations,” he says, noting that this late life experience has made him a “much calmer parent.”

It has been over a decade since my initial conversation with Justin in 2003, and he comments that this time went by “like the blink of an eye,” he says. His mantra may well be “Live your life to the fullest, don’t put off tomorrow what you can do today.”

Share Insights Gained from Life’s Battles

For this columnist, growing older has always been like a bottle of wine, as you age you get better like the wine.

For those turning age 60 even entering their seventies, exercise and eating a healthy diet, developing a strong support network, and continuing to learn and seek out knowledge becomes very important, for increasing your longevity. Now it becomes important to take some time to reflect upon the ups and downs of your life and use the knowledge and wisdom gained to make better choices in your final years.

Most important, take time to share your newly gained insights with your children and grandchildren, even your younger colleagues. Give them the gift of your hard earned insights gained from life’s battles.

“It’s a new beginning for me,” quipped Justin, when he turned age 60 a decade ago. But as he prepares for the new 70th decade ahead he admits, “I feel like a newborn who is just beginning his trek into the wonderful world I live in.”

Reaching your 60s or 70s, key chronological age milestones in your life’s journey can give you a sign to slow down and reflect on the changes in your life, moreover, how you adapted to both personal and professional challenges. Ultimately, as Justin found out, reflection gives you the inner resources necessary to gracefully age in the final stages of your life.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a freelance writer covering medical, health care and aging issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.