Author Archives for Herb Weiss

When Death Comes, Coping with the Loss of Your Pet

Published August 4, 2011, Pawtucket Times   

        It’s universally true. When that time comes to saying goodbye to a parent or even a loyal pet, tears flow and emotions unravel.   Many aging baby boomers, whether childless or empty nesters, have had pets who became their pampered “children” or a closest faithful companion.   

           A pet’s death, experienced by my Oak Hill neighbors, Vanessa Greenier and Larry Sullivan, a few years ago had the same emotional impact on them, like losing a parent, sibling or even their closest friend.  The grieving young couple found, like many do, that coping with this significant loss often takes a pet owner months or even years to heal.  

Intellectual Coping…Emotionally Painful

             Everybody in my neighborhood knew Winston and Isabella, the two large bulldogs who were regularly walked by Greenier and Sullivan twice a day aroundPawtucket’s Oak Hill plat.  “Hellos” were exchanged as the dog owners caught up with their neighbors while walking their “children” on their regular daily route. 

            One day,  neighbors quickly noticed that Winston came out for the daily walk, without Isabella – and something didn’t seem right. 

            Four years ago, Greenier and Sullivan had lost Isabella to liver cancer. Greenier, a Greenville-based internist, along with her partner Larry Sullivan, an Information Technologist, had provided tender loving care to their furry family Winston and Isabella for four years.   Now the couple grieved with the passing of Isabella.

            In 2007, neither Greenier, 41, nor Sullivan, 43, had ever owned a pet as a young adults or during even during their childhood years.  After five years of dating, they moved toMarbury Avenuein the City ofPawtucket, and two years later, Sullivan would push for getting a bulldog.  With Vanessa’s support, he began a search on the internet for the perfect bull dog.  He would later locate Winston, a young four month old male puppy, put up for adoption by a Georgia-based bull dog rescue group. Four months later the Oak Hill couple sought a companion for Winston, and Isabella, a newborn puppy, joined their home.

            At four years old, Isabella’s health suddenly took a turn for the worst.  “Isabella just stopped eating and in three weeks we had to put her to sleep,” said Greenier, noting that the bulldog had lost about half of her 53 pounds to liver cancer.

            Sullivan, who had cared for the ailing Isabella, took the death better than Greenier. Even though Greenier, a physician,  sees death close up on a regular basis, it was very difficult for her to see Isabella put to sleep.  “Experience allows you to intelligently cope with it, but emotionally you are still not equipped to deal with it,” she said.  .

            With Isabella’s quality of life deteriorating, Sullivan would make the decision to put their bull dog to sleep.  Greenier sat with the bull dog as the veterinarian euthanized Isabella.    Sobbing into her pet’s head, the grieving physician kept telling her bull dog that she was a “good girl,” as the pet was slowly stopped breathing. “I wanted to look her in the eyes while she was being put down so she would not alone,” she said.

             Greenier cried for a week after Isabella’s death.  “It was just a horrendous experience to go through,” she recollects. “Death and dying can have the same impact, whether it happens to your beloved pet or family member. “Love is love and it doesn’t matter if it is directed to a human being or a pet.”

            Weeks after Isabella’s untimely death, over a dozen cards had been sent to Sullivan and Greenier, even flowers from their veterinarian. The bull dogs ashes sit on a book shelf by those cards.  “People who have lost pets have given us kind words and support and really helped us get through,” Greenier added.

            Now Greenier is beginning to put the bad memories behind her and is on the mend.  Isabella’s crate is now put in the garage.  Winston is now taking the sole owner’s attention.  “The overwhelming sadness is gone, replaced by a calm remembrance,” she says.  The couple did not have to go for grief counseling but instead received support from their colleagues, family and neighbors who comforted them as they walked Winston, without Isabella.

 Death Came Suddenly and Swiftly

             The Sunday morning call from the vet delivered the news I was not prepared to hear.   “Murray’s temperature had soared to 105 degrees and his system was beginning to shut down”.  It was no longer regulating the insulin for our 13 year old diabetic Chocolate Lab  – or trying to find a remedy for his arthritis.  The doctor recommended we come down as soon as possible – forMurraywas suffering.  Just two days earlier, concern withMurray’s declining health led us to take him to our long-time veterinarian.  My wife, Patty, and I thought his sugar was just off a little bit and adjusting the amount of insulin he received twice a day would fix the urinary incontinence.  Or the pill prescribed to rid his body of arthritic pain would quickly kick in making it easier for him to walk again.  Our faithful pet, blind from cataracts, was well into his 90s, if you calculate his age in terms of human years.

          Saying goodbye to those things in life that are good does not come easy.   The tears flowed, the fond memories brought me back to the happier days – when watchingMurraychase a bouncing ball or taking an impromtu dive into theSlaterParkpond chasing the swans, put a smile on my face.  For 13 years he gave me comfort – always by my side,  and now the time had come for me to do the same for him. In the sparse examining room we approachedMurray, laying uncomfortably on top of a floor scale cushioned by an old blanket.  He was panting and his eyes fixed. .  In a matter of seconds, when I gave the vet the ‘ok’ –  he would be put out of his pain.    Patty and her son Ben, tearfully bent over, saying their goodbyes – stroking him, making sure he knew he was not alone.  With tears rolling down my cheeks it was time to end his suffering.  Calling for the lethal pink drug led to a quick lethal injection.  Within secondsMurraylay lifeless.

            On Sunday, June 5, 2011, Murray, our 13 year old Chocolate Lab, was put to sleep thru injection after the onset of sudden medical complications, resulting from his diabetes and old age.   His collar, food bowl, leash, chew toys and a few old photographs are tangible items of his existence in our family.  But memories come back to me from over the years…his backseat rides with his head hanging out the window; saying the name “Sheba”, our  neighbor’s female yellow Lab, brought him to the window to look across the street at her house; and how he warmly accepted our recent rescue dog, a younger Chocolate lab into our household.

            Murraywas cremated and shortly we will bury his ashes in his favorite stomping ground, our back yard.  Sitting outside in the cool nights of summer, Patty and I will surely remember our beloved Chocolate Lab, Murray.

            He’s the best dog and companion we have had in our five decades of living. 

Coping with Your Pet’s Death

            Greenier and Sullivan, my family, and pet owners world-wide know it’s painful to lose your pet, considered to be one of the family.  Even Abby, who walks the house wondering where her companion is, sniffing out areas around the house that still has his scent .

            Moira Anderson Allen, M.Ed., author of Coping with Sorrow on the Loss of Your Pet, states that intense grief over the loss of your pet is both “normal and natural.”  While some people may not understand your strong emotional bond to your pet and pain after the pet dies, “all that matters is how you feel,” Allen says.

            According to Allen, grieving pet owners can also express their feelings and memories of their deceased pet in poems, stories and letters to the pet, Allen says. While feeling the loss, the person may feel guilt for not doing enough, denial of the death and anger at the veterinarian who failed to save the pet.  Grieving can also cause depression, too.  .

           Allen adds, “Don’t deny your pain and grief and acknowledge your feels.”  She recommends that a grieving pet owner work through feeling with family and friends, their veterinarian or ask a local human association to recommend a pet loss counsel or support group.

          For more information about pet loss, go to, the Pet Loss Support Page, at http://www.pet-loss.net/coping.shtml.

          Herb Weiss is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer.  He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

Coping with the ‘holiday blues’

Published in The Pawtucket Times on December 6, 2010

Got the Christmas spirit? Family get-togethers, watching football or even shopping and sharing of gifts may not be so easy as in previous years with the economy in turmoil, watching your retirement funds dwindle or worrying about the security of your job.

But experts say that coping with the “holiday blues” can be as easy as keeping your expectations reasonable this year. Be clear about what is really important to you. If your holiday does not play out like a Hollywood B movie, that’s ok. Family gatherings are not always perfect or reflect a “Kodak moment.” With this year’s economy, moderation becomes key when shopping for gifts for your loved ones. Support the local community by buying locally made items. Or gather the family together and make a joint decision to make a donation to a meaningful local charity that needs local financial support.

Eat, drink and try to be merry in moderation. When food shopping, use coupons, buy store brand items or shop at grocery stores like Price-Rite or Save-A-Lot.

If you are lonely, depressed or suicidal making it difficult to shake this year’s “holiday blues,” contact The Samaritans of Rhode Island, a nonprofit program dedicated to reducing the occurrence of suicide by providing a volunteer manned crisis hotline/ listening line the hopeless, alone and despairing.

Denise Panichas, The Samaritan’s executive director, notes that the communications based charity, established in Providence in 1977, teaches volunteers to effectively listen to people who are in crisis.

Conversations are free, confidential, most importantly anonymous.

A rigorous 21-hour training program teaches volunteers to feel and think without expressing personal judgments or opinions.

Last year, more than 9, 000 Rhode Islanders called The Samaritans, Panichas says. “It doesn’t matter what the problem is, be it depression, suicidal thoughts, seeking resources for mental health services in the community or just being lonely and needing to talk,” she said.

Panichas says that The Samaritans also offer other needed resources to caregivers and to older Rhode Islanders.

“We do community education programs and also have our peer-to-peer Safe Place Support Group for those left behind by suicide.” If you can’t seem to shake the “holiday blues” or just need someone to talk who cares, call The Samaritans’hotline at 401-272-4040. To learn more about the work of The Samaritans of Rhode Island or if you would like to volunteer or donate visit the agency’s website at http://www.samaritansri. org.

Herb Weiss is a Pawtucketbased free-lance writer who covers aging, health care and medical issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.


The Best Of…Healthy Life Style Key to Losing and Maintaining Weight Loss

Published August  2008, Senior Digest

           Not only are food and gasoline prices skyrocketing nationwide, a growing number of Americans with bulging waist lines are watching their weight steadily increase, too.  Those overweight see diets as a remedy to drop the pounds.  But to most, finding the right weight loss strategy is at most confusing and difficult to follow.

           For over forty years, Donald Grebien, a supply chain manager at the Mansfield, Massachusetts-based American Insulated Wire Corp.(AIW), has always struggled with his waistline.  In high school, Grebien recalls being a ‘chubby senior’, weighing as much as 280 pounds. Even though he managed to shed 30 pounds through regular exercise, eliminating snacks and eating healthy foods, it is still a daily struggle. 

           Grebien’s weight would fluctuate throughout his middle age because of a variety of factors.   His family obligations of raising two small children, combined with the pressures of being a Pawtucket City Councilman, made it extremely difficult for the young man to successfully stick with a diet. It was not until this young City Councilman was faced with high blood pressure, that would ultimately force him to confront his weight issue.

            “Losing weight is a daily battle for me,” says Grebien, who noted that when his weight spiked, it was very uncomfortable wearing tight-fitting clothes.

            Joining Weight Watchers with his wife, Laureen has made a world of difference to Grebien.  He has maintained his weight loss of 10.3 pounds for the last 10 weeks.  “I am on track and feel a lot better,” he says, even noting that his waist line seems to be shrinking a bit.  His workplace even supports his dieting efforts, such as offering on site Weight Watcher classes, a nutrition newsletter and promoting employees walking during their lunch hours.

            While Grebien is tackling his weight problem through the support of his wife and belonging to a community weight loss program, finding the right diet plan or strategy can be difficult chore for many. 

 Tips on Losing Weight

            “Get responsible and sound advice about dieting before you begin,” recommends Randi Belhumeur, a Registered Dietitian who serves as statewide nutrition coordinator for the Rhode Island Health Department’s Initiative for Healthy Weight.  There is no  major expense for the consultation because most health plans now cover nutritional counseling as long as you have a medical diagnoses (including high cholesterol, hypertension and diabetes), she says.

             Belhumeur says that a nutritionist can provide specifics as to serving sizes, label reading, meal planning and weight loss goal setting.  When setting your weight loss goals, “always start with small goals that are realistic for you,” she says.  “Losing a pound or two a week is considered by medical experts to be a safe weight loss,” she adds.

            “Don’t forget to dovetail physical activity into your weight loss goals,” suggests Belhumeur.  “If a pedometer tells you that you that the baseline number of steps you take a day is 2,000, increase that number by 1,000 steps,” she says.

            “Always keep an ‘activity and food journal’ also,” adds Belhumeur, who stresses that the documentation will be critical to your losing and maintaining your weight loss.  “You really need to be honest with yourself when you are writing the details down.  Journaling will help you make better food choices and make you aware of what you are eating,” she says.

            Belhumeur also recommends to plan exercising each week by scheduling the time in your Black Berry, Palm Pilot or in your schedule book.  “With exercise, find something you enjoy doing.  If you don’t like going to the gym, you just won’t go.”

            Social support  from family and friends is also very crucial in your efforts to successfully lose weight, notes Belhumeur.  “Weight Watchers is one of the few responsible diet programs that offers group support and sound dieting advice,” she says.

            Finally, Belhumeur says, “Don’t forget the behavioral component of weight loss.”  Psychotherapy or nutritional counseling can be helpful to changing a behavior, like night time eating or eating unhealthy foods at the workplace.      .

 Weight Loss and Lifestyle Changes

            Ray Rickman, senior consultant, for Rhode Island’s Shape Up RI Program, a state-wide exercise and weight challenge program, is not a fan of dieting.  His nonprofit group helps participants  improve their health and lifestyle by increasing their physical activity levels and developing smart eating habits. 

            Supported by Blue Cross and Blue Shield and Life Span, over 12,000 Rhode Islanders, in 13,000 teams participate to see who can lose the greatest percentage of collective team weight, log the most hours of physical activity, and walk the highest number of pedometer steps over a twelve week period.

             The fifty-five year old Eastsider and State Legislator has lost over 20 pounds by following his nonprofit group’s philosophy of reducing daily calorie intake and daily exercise.

            According to Rickman, people become overweight or obese because of their lifestyle and not from medical or chemical imbalance.

             “Most diets you just starve yourself or you eat foods you don’t like,” Rickman says.  “While many people can lose weight by dieting, they usually regain all the weight back within 12 months.” 

            “We consume more food than the body can rid itself of, where portion sizes are increasing”, say Rickman, noting that an ‘unhealthy life style and poor eating’ causes weight gain.  Almost 50 years ago, a typical orange juice serving was 250 calories; today a larger glass increases the calories to 800, he adds. 

            “In every area of our lives we try to find ways to not exercise,” Rickman notes.  “Go into a four story building and you will see people waiting for an elevator to go to the second floor, rather than just walking up two flights of stairs.  Or watch shoppers wait for a parking space close to the grocery store’s entrance rather than parking farther away.”

            To successfully lose weight, find out how many calories you need a day, based on your height and weight, Rickman recommends. “ He estimates that eating 200 fewer calories along with exercise will help you lose a 1/16 of a pound a day.  In just one month , a person can lose 2 pounds. In one year, you can expect to lose at least 25 pounds.

            Exercise does not have to be grueling.  Rickman says, “Go to the grocery store and park in the last spot on the lot where the employees park. By doing this you can lose 1/36 of a pound by choosing not to park near the entrance.  Walking up three flights of stairs will also help you lose 1/36 of a pound. 

            Brown Medical Student, Rajiv Kumar, Founder of Shape Up RI program, sees long-term sustained weight loss for those participating in his program.  The average weight loss per person is 10 pounds with preliminary research indicating that 70 percent of the participants have kept their weight off for six months. 

           For chronic dieters like Grebien (or this writer) who work daily to shed pounds, the secret to successfully losing and maintaining weight loss may well be tied to healthy eating habits, exercise and an active social network to create accountability and motivation, It’s as simple as that.

            Herb Weiss is a Pawtucket-based health care writer who covers aging, health care, and medical issues.  He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.  This article appeared in August 2008 issue of Senior Digest.