Author Archives for Herb Weiss

The Little Plaid Guide to Living a Better Life

Published in the Pawtucket Times, June 14, 2013

In just two days, millions of Americans will celebrate Father’s Day. As I penned this week’s commentary thinking of the approaching national holiday, I quickly began thinking of my Dad, who died of a heart attack over nine years ago at the ripe old age of 89. While he had recently been ailing and was well along in years, it was quite a shock to receive the long distance phone call from my sister that he had died.

For many, Father’s Day provides an opportunity to slow down and reflect on growing up with their father or step-father, fondly looking back to earlier times.

The Life and Times of Frank Weiss

There was one thing for sure that I know about my Dad, something I could literally take to the bank. Married for over 62 years, he passionately adored his wife, Sally, who he considered to be the most important person in his life. My twin brother, James, and two older sisters, Mickie and Nancy, and then ultimately his grandchildren, would also be very important to him throughout his long life, too.

As a youngster, I remember Dad’s work ethic, always working hard to support the family, oftentimes sitting, at the wrought iron and glass kitchen table, late into the evening hour working on his weekly reports. Although he worked long hours, Dad always found time to go to a ball game or just spend time with his kids.

Dad was like the Energizer rabbit – he kept working, working and working. There was no retirement for this man, who had worked for over 33 years at Colbert Volks, a well-known woman’s clothing store in Dallas, Texas. Two years after his bypass surgery, my 70-year old Dad wanted to chart a new career course, so he began a second job and worked at C’est Simone, a national manufacturer of women’s apparel, until the mid-80s. Amazingly, during his long career in woman’s retail, he could literally see a style or clothing trend well long before it happened, always predicting what new coat styles would sell in a particular season.

Looking Back Over the Years

I will always remember…

How we shot hoops in the backyard for ice cream. Dad always lost at the last moment– we always won, getting that double-dipped chocolate ice cream as a prize.

At restaurants, I remember Dad drinking cup after cup of black coffee at Luby’s Cafeteria, with the decaf coffee never being quite being hot enough for his taste.

In his later years, Dad would oftentimes reach out to strangers in very simple ways. He always carried that roll of Susan B. Anthony dollars, giving out the coins to the lucky ones who crossed his path. “Don’t spend them,” they’re lucky coins,” he would say. Just before his funeral we found his stash of coins, and everyone who attended the service got their “lucky coin.”

He was a practical joker, but at times a little too stubborn. As a very young child, sitting at a street curb he put his small leg in front of a truck, daring the vehicle to stop. This particular time the joke was on him – the truck moved, his leg didn’t, and bones in one leg were broken.

As a teenager, Dad would tip over outhouses throughout his neighborhood. He would assure me that nobody was in them. Always the practical joker, at his sister-in-law’s house in Pikesville, Maryland, Dad walked over to her neighbor’s house and with a straight face gave him advice on how to plant a tree. Heeding his authoritative advice, the neighbor kept digging the hole deeper, deeper, and deeper, until the ball of the tree was five feet from the top of the hole. Luckily, a local landscaper would come by and inform the gullible neighbor that the hole was too deep.

Throughout his long life, Dad cared about people. During his Army days, as an officer of the day, he ordered a cook to put cold cuts out for a group of soldiers who came by to eat after being out in the rain all day. The watery beef stew was not good enough for these guys, he would later tell me. While his superiors called him on the carpet for that act of kindness, he stood up to the military bureaucracy, demanding them to be accountable to their troops.

By tapping his business colleagues, Dad would successfully raise money for the AMC Cancer Society to help those battling this dreaded disease. Later, he would be recognized by the organization for his fund-raising efforts. I often think, perhaps that is where I get my skills in fundraising.

Life’s Little Lessons

I remember during the ups and downs in my brother and sisters personal and professional careers, Dad was always there giving us practical advice, encouragement, and support, often times through little gifts.

Last week, going through a cluttered desk drawer I found a small book given to me by Dad almost 15 years ago. The inspirational book, Life’s Little Instruction Book, penned by author, H. J. Brown, Jr., from Middle Tennessee, gave simple words of wisdom gleaned from his life experience, as well as others.

This small tome caught the attention of my Dad along with the American public, becoming the first book to ever occupy the number one spot on the New York Times best-seller list in both paperback and hard cover formats simultaneously. It has logged more than two years on this prestigious daily newspaper’s best-seller list, including more than a year at the number one spot. The little plaid book was written as a going-away present for Brown’s college-bound son, containing 511 simple suggestions, observations, and reminders on how to live a happy and rewarding life.

So as Father’s Day approaches, memories of my Dad come to me again, giving me his sage advice on how to have a fulfilling personal and professional life. All I have to do is go through the pages of this long lost book he gave me and read the following suggestions, observations and reminders, he marked, with a blue dot, the ones he liked the best.

Here is a sampling:

“When someone wants to hire you even if it’s a job you have little interest in, talk to them. Never close the door on an opportunity until you’ve had a chance to hear the offer in person.”

“Never deprive someone of hope because it might be all they have.”

“When starting out, don’t worry about not having enough money. Limited funds are a blessing and not a curse. Nothing encourages creative thinking in quite the same way.”

“Give yourself an hour to cool off before responding to someone who has provoked you. If it involves something really important, give yourself overnight.”

“Don’t waste time responding to your critics.”

“Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with the big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.”

“Give people a second change, but not a third.”

“Read carefully anything that requires your signature. Remember the big print giveth and the small print taketh away.”

“Don’t forget that a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.”

“Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.”

“Judge your success by the degree that you are enjoying peace, health, and love.”

“Seek opportunity, not security. A boat in a harbor is safe, but in time its bottom will rot out.”

“Just to see how it feels, for the next twenty-four hours refrain from criticizing anyone or anything.”

“Don’t be rushed into making an important decision. People will understand if you say, ‘I’d like a little more time to think it over. Can I get back to you tomorrow?”

“Send your loved one flowers. Think of a reason later.”

“Be prepared. You never get a second change to make a good first impression.”

“Select a doctor your own age so you can grow old together.”

“Get your priorities straight. No one ever said on his death bed, “Gee, if I’d only spent more time at the office.”

“Don’t flaunt your success, but don’t apologize for it either.”

“Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the ones you did.”

Most importantly, “Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.”

Brown’s book reminds us the importance of taking simple actions that can lead to a more fulfilling life. It’s a great gift for parent’s to give to their children. To purchase Life’s Little Instruction Book, go to http://www.amazon.com/Lifes-Little-Instruction-Book-Observations/dp/B002MAQSIO/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1370916533&sr=8-5&keywords=H.+Jackson+Brown.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a Pawtucket-based freelance writer covering aging, health care and medical issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

Red Bandana Fund Concert to be Walton’s Legacy

Published in Pawtucket Times, June 7, 2013

           Richard Walton, who died on Dec. 27, would have loved it.  Five months after his death one late Sunday afternoon, over 40 people including the musicians who had just played at The Red Bandana Fund Inaugural Concert (that was attended by hundreds), family members along with the organizers and volunteers of this fundraiser, gathered to drink beer and reminisce about Walton’s extraordinary life at his favorite Pawtucket hangout, Doherty’s East Avenue Irish Pub.

          People swapped favorite stories for hours, detailing how the late Walton “touched their lives,” noted one attendee, Richard Wahlberg, one of the organizers.  “Every one had such an interesting story to tell about Richard,” he stated, noting that the Warwick resident, known as a social activist, educator, humanitarian, very prolific writer, and a co-founder of Pawtucket’s Stone Soup Coffee House “had made everyone feel that they themselves had a very special, close relationship with him.” 

         Seeing so many of Walton’s friends at June 2nd concert, Wahlberg and other attending viewed the event as a “gathering of the clan” since the audience was really Walton’s extended Rhode Island family.    

 Walton’s Legacy of Supporting the Needy

         The idea to organize last weekend’s fundraiser concert to raise money to support the causes of the late Richard Walton and others like him who work to improve the human condition was literally kicked around a few days after Walton’s death by his daughter, Cathy Barnard, his son Richard and a few close friends, noted nationally-acclaimed children’s entertainer and storyteller, Bill Harley.   

          According to Harley, an annual fundraiser, supporting the newly formed Red Bandana Fund, would replace Walton’s annual birthday bash – usually held the first Sunday in June – to raise money for Amos House & the Providence-Niquinohomo Sister City Project and other progressive causes.  Over 24 years, Walton had raised large sums of money for these favorite charities, attracting hundreds of people each year including the state’s powerful political and media elite to celebrate his progressive causes at his family compound located at Pawtuxet Cove in Warwick. 

         Coming up with a name for Walton’s fundraiser that would ultimately be tied to his unique fashion sense and was the idea of her brother, Richard, states Barnard.  Her brother, like most people, had a vivid, visual image of his father, who had long white hair and beard, being known for wearing his trademark worn blue jean overalls, a red bandana and Stone Soup baseball cap.

          “When Dad’s closest friends came over to the house after his death they wanted one of his red bandanas to remember him,” Barnard remembered.

       “It was like a talisman to them,” stated Barnard, that became a great way to create the perfect moniker and recognition for an upcoming fundraiser.

          Barnard says that her father didn’t opt for a traditional burial, so there would be no monument of stone over his grave to remember him or a place for family and friends to visit.  His cremated remains were scattered the day before the Sunday fundraiser by his family and very close friends in his beloved garden and sent by paper boat from the inlet where his compound was located into Narragansett Bay.

         But, there is The Red Bandana Fund now, says Barnard, noting that “we cannot think of a more appropriate memorial.”  Over 300 people attended the inaugural Walton fundraiser, bringing in more than $12,000 from ticket sales, silent action and raffle.

          At this event, the first recipient of The Red Bandana Fund Award, Amos House, was chosen because of Walton’s very long relationship with the Providence-based nonprofit.  He was a founding board member, serving for over 30 years, being board chair for a number of years.  For almost three decades, the homeless advocate spent an overnight shift with the men who lived in the 90-Day Shelter Program each Thursday bringing them milk and cookies.  Each Friday morning he would make pancakes and eggs in the soup kitchen for hundreds of men and women who came to eat a hot meal.

 Putting the Pieces Together

         The organizers were gathered by Bill Harley on the advice of Richard’s family and those closest to him from the progressive community and organizations Richard was affiliated with.  In true Richard Walton fashion this was a largely self organizing group built on the complementary strengths of the members, noted Wahlberg.  Over five months, this group had planned all the organizational facets, from marketing, pre-selling tickets, booking Shea High School, recruiting volunteers for the day of the event, along with getting items donated to be sold at a silent auction and raffle.

         With the decision to host a fundraising concert, “it became incredibly painful to have to limit the list of who we would invite to play,” said Harley, noting that every one who knew Walton wanted to perform to pay tribute to him.

          As Rudy Cheeks, of Phillipe + Jorge’s Cool, Cool, World, would remark in his May 31st column, the two hour concert would be an amazing blend of folk and traditional music, a little bit of classical, along with singer-songwriting greats, all sharing the same stage for the evening.  They included: widely recognized singers and song writers, Bill Harley, Kate Katzberg, Atwater-Donnelly, Sally Rogers and Howie Bursen, Christina Tompson, accompanied by Cathy Clasper-Torch on fiddle and Marty Ballou on stand up bass.  Consuelo Sherba opened the concert by playing a short classical set.

        According to Harley, who served as the event’s musical director, internet files of the selected music (three songs for each performer) went back and forth between those chosen to play, to help them to quickly learn the music to be played at the upcoming concert.  He noted that each song had to have simple chord arrangements with words that the audience could easily remember. Most important, “these songs were chosen to reflect who Richard, the person was,” he said.  Amazingly, the musicians would gather just two hours before the performance to practice with each other.

 Those Who Knew Him

         At intermission, I caught up with Andy Smith, former music critic at the Providence Journal who now covers hard news for that daily paper.  He knew Walton for years covering Stone Soup Coffee House and sporadically attending his legendary birthday party over the years.  “No one could hang out in Rhode Island without knowing about Richard Walton,” he says.  That’s true.

         The Red Bandana Fund Inaugural Concert was a “very sweet, very nice chance for people who know Richard to come together and celebrate his life,” observed Smith, noting that “the best way to do this was through music.”  He would have had a good time if he were here today, says Smith, adding that  “May be he is here [in spirit].”

         Like many attendees, Jane Falvey, treasurer of Stone Soup Coffee House noted, that Walton touched many lives. “Like stones cast into a pond, the ripples form ever-widening circles that overlap, and so it was at the inaugural Red Bandana Concert – Richard’s many circles embracing each other in remembering and celebrating his wonderful life and the purpose he created in all of us,” she said.

        Also in attendance, Dr. Michael Fine, Director of Rhode Island’s Department of Health, who came with his wife, Carol, called Walton  his “old friend,”  giving him a unique descriptive nickname, the “Prince of Pay it Forward.”

         Dr. Fine believes that Walton understood the value of living in a democracy. “He taught us about this value and gave us examples of what we would have to do each and every day to keep it alive,” he said.  Walton also taught us how to take care of each other,” stated Dr. Fine. 

         Linde Rachel, a resident of Maureillas, France, and companion of Walton’s for 9 years who traveled with him throughout Europe, Africa and the Baltic States, sees an important message in the songs sung at last Sunday’s The Red Bandana Fundraiser.  “The songs were all about being part of a community, the one that he helped to create and was part of,” stated Rachel.   

         Days later, Barnard tells me that she is thrilled with the success of The Red Bandana Fund Inaugural Concert.  “We were amazed at the large turnout,” she says, noting that she even met people in person she had heard her father talk about over his long years.

         “We’re hoping that this will be just the beginning and not the end of it,” says Barnard, the beginning legacy of her father’s long-tradition of giving back to those in need.

       Her father would surely nod his head in agreement.

          For more information about donating to The Red Bandana Fund, go to http://www.soup.org/page1/RedBandana.html.

         Herb Weiss, LRI’12, is a writer who covers health care, aging, and medical issues.  He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.

Here’s My Advice to the Graduating Class of 2013

Published in Pawtucket Times, May 31, 2013

Last week, commencement speakers at Colleges and Universities around the country imparted their wisdom to tens of thousands of graduating College seniors and their families. With the advent of social media, and web sites, millions more will get advice from these Commencement Speeches given by well-known lawmakers, judges, television personalities and CEOs, detailing simple tips and observations that if taken, just might offer the young graduates a more rewarding personal and professional life.

Quotes in Top 2013 Commencement Speeches Often times, local newspapers report on Commencement Speeches delivered at each graduation season. According to Graduation Wisdom, a website that compiles the best Commencement Speeches and memorable quotes, some speeches are just better than others. Some of most memorable quotes taken from the top 2013 Commencement Speeches detailed on this website included:

John Green, educator and writer of adult fiction, who won the 2006 Printz Award for his first novel, Looking for Alaska, told Butler University’s 2013 graduating class that “There are many more jobs out there than you have ever heard of. Your dream job might not yet exist. If you had told College Me that I would become a professional YouTuber, I would’ve been like, “That is not a word, and it never should be.”

Eric Idle, British Comedian and Actor who was a member of the British surreal comedy group, Monty Python, stated in his Commencement Speech at
Whitman College, “Life has a very simple plot: First you’re here and then you’re not.

Yes, more sage advice was given to graduating seniors this year by Dick Costolo, Twitter CEO, who stated in his Commencement Speech at University of Michigan in Ann Arbor: “Believe that if you make courageous choices and bet on yourself and put yourself out there, that you will have an impact, as a result of what you do. And you don’t need to know now what that would be or how will it happen because no one ever does.”

Typical Advice in Commencement Speeches If you look closely, you can find life lessons noted in Commencement Speeches given at Colleges and Universities over the years, that just might lead to a happy and successful life, says Cristina Negrut, who penned “15 Rules for a Happy and Successful Life,” that can be found on Graduation Wisdom’s website.

Negrut notes that Commencement Speakers, usually at the top in their professional game, tell the graduating seniors a number of rules to prepare them for leaving the campus, assisting them to make their mark as adults. Specific advice includes: Don’t worry, your life’s passion will find you. Always trust yourself and learn to take bold action. Never let anyone define who you are. Chase your big dreams. Don’t sit on the sideline, take the initiative and quickly get into the game. Be persistent and tenacious, and never give up. Don’t fear failures in life, learn from them. Nobody is perfect, including you. Make use of your creativity and imagination. Remain in the present moment, not the past or future. Don’t play it safe, always take risks. Learn to embrace change. Work hard. Live selflessly and give back to others.

The Class of 2013 will begin their new life journey with many challenges to face. Gas prices are now around $ 3.50 per gallon. Mortgage rates declined to the lowest level in decades, but many of the graduating seniors, burdened by huge student loan debt, leave college without a job, without adequate credit rating or a down payment to purchase a home.

Although the economy is slowing improving in the Ocean State, graduating seniors, like graduating classes before them, may be forced to relocate to other state’s to land their first professional jobs. The Ocean State continues to be one of the last states to see its economy revive.

My Tips for 2013 Graduates
At press time, I sit with a Commencement Speech written, but with no invitation from a University or College to give it. But if I were asked to speak before a graduating class of 2013, I would give them tips on how to age gracefully throughout their accumulating years. .

Aging can be viewed as a life-long, unpredictable journey. But some people feverishly attempt to not embrace it, choosing to hold onto their gradual, fading youth, fearing the onset of wrinkles, sagging stomachs and even gray hair. As you move into your middle-years and beyond, look at your life as a meaningful journey, keeping focused on the present moment, not strapped to past experience, nor future events.

When you confront life’s health, financial, and professional challenges, keep a positive attitude rather than being overwhelmed by negativity. Each day you will make daily choices as to how you will tackle and react to your problems and life’s difficulties. In every situation, you can see the proverbial glass as either being “half-full” or “half-empty”. A positive attitude allows you to see a “half-full” glass, this allowing you to successfully age.

Savor Your Failures
As we grow older, sometimes we put too much energy reflecting on our personal and professional defeats, focusing on the “bad hand” we were dealt in life. Each and every day, savor your victories, but it is important for you to forgive yourself for your shortcomings and failures. Learning from your shortcomings will build a strong bridge to future successes.

Also, forgive others who have hurt you personally and professionally. You cannot live or reconcile your life peacefully if you are still holding on the grudges, anger and bitterness, all tied to past relationships and negative employment experiences

In your adult years, time flies by rapidly, like a blink of an eye. Amma, a Hindu spiritual teacher, tells her followers to view their life as a ‘cancelled check’. Let go of those past regrets, forgive yourself for those mistakes especially made in childhood and teenage years, more important those you made as you move into your middle or later years. Don’t regret passing up personal or professional opportunities, for others will follow. Use your time on earth wisely; don’t waste it carrying the burdens of past guilt or personal grudges.
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As you grow older and accumulate more of life’s experiences, share your story with others, especially those younger than you. You will have a huge reservoir of untapped wisdom gained through life’s trials and tribulations. When taking on the role of a parent or later on, a grand parent, continue to share your insights and lessons you have learned throughout the cyclical ups and downs of your life. The generations following you will lose out if you choose to remain silent and keep your knowledge and history from them.

Keep Physically Healthy Your health is the most important possession, cherish it. URI Gerontologist Phil Clark once told me, “Use it or lose it. Stay as physically active as you can.” More over, “If you rest, you rust,” he says, noting that physical exercise elevates our mood and benefits your cardiovascular system, too.

The aging researcher also tells us that you “must also exercise your brain”. Simply put, make time in your busy day to read your newspapers, magazines and books, or play a challenging crossword puzzle, even chess.

Some graduating seniors will see their success tied to obtaining professional recognition, seeking to make far-reaching changes in the careers. Sometimes it is not the big things that you do that count, rather the simple daily acts of loving kindness you give to all those around you.

Research also tells us that volunteer work can be a protective buffer from the curve balls that life may throw at us as we age

Keep up and nurture your social contacts and personal connections with others. When you require help, don’t be afraid to ask your family, friends, or even professional colleagues for support and assistance. People will always go up the ladder of their careers, sometimes down, too. Take the opportunity to be there for not only people you know, but also strangers when they need a hand to jumpstart their faltering careers.

Simplicity is Key to a Good Life
Learn to slow down and enjoy the simple moments of your life. Nationally-acclaimed Author, Connie Goldman, states that the simple act of watching a beautiful sunrise or sunset or even puttering around your garden can be as stimulating as a jam-packed calendar of activities.

There are no sure bets in one’s life except death, taxes, and yes, growing old. So, Class 2013, make the most of your life that is just beginning to unfold before you. Embrace and appreciate your later years and go for the gusto. Enjoy your new journey.

Herb Weiss, LRI ’12, is a Pawtucket-based writer covering aging and health care issues. He can be reached at hweissri@aol.com.